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| Self depracating humor - DLV? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=68630 |
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| Author: | Bo_Darville [ Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Self depracating humor - DLV? |
What the opinion on self depracating humor? I tend to do this alot, it's kind of a habit. I don't think I go TOO far with it, and it's just about always good for a laugh, but in doing this am I actually just DLV'ing myself? One thing I've said, for example, is when talking about 3 ways, I'll joke around about getting a girl in one, and then I'll say nah, who am I kidding, I can barely handle ONE girl, never mind TWO. When I say it it's meant to be an ironic understatement, but I can see how if a girl doesn't know me, she could take it literally. On the other hand, I've heard women say that they guys who brag about being good in bed usually aren't. I might also joke around about being a bit scatterbrained, or clutzy (I actually AM both). I might tell her not to be offended if I don't remember her name, I suffer from CRS... Can't Remember Shit. Basically, I do this to get a laugh, because I feel like getting a woman to laugh is definitely a step in the right direction, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe they're laughing AT me, not WITH me, when I use this type of humor. Thoughts? |
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| Author: | minsok [ Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Ew, clumsiness in a man isn't really appealing. You got to know how to move your body; throw that one right out, it's not endearing at all. You can qualify being scatterbrained by saying you have a lot going on. Acting like you can't handle a girl is a definite demonstration of low confidence. If you want to joke around about three-ways, just say it was with one girl and one guy. That's funny to me. Yeah dude, you're not doing yourself any favors. I mean, are you trying to sabotage yourself? |
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| Author: | Bo_Darville [ Sat Jun 05, 2010 2:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Def not trying to sabotage myself. I don't know why I'm so quick to do this. It's a habbit I picked up when I was a kid I think. I need to get rid of it, I'll have to stop and think for a second before I speak, so hopefully I can filter this crap out. |
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| Author: | AFC Royal [ Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I don't think it's as bad as people say. It does, however, depend on the frame. If you use the humor because you subconsciously want to sabotage yourself, and you hit precisely on your faults, girls pick that up and dump you. But if you're being self-deprecating because you're so amazing and know that these aren't particularly faults, or they're faults that you're correcting or don't care about, then you just look confident enough to make fun of yourself. If you got the mindset, do it. If you don't, don't. |
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| Author: | Bo_Darville [ Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I don't think it's as bad as people say. It does, however, depend on the frame.
Not trying to sabotage myself, so it's not that. If you use the humor because you subconsciously want to sabotage yourself, and you hit precisely on your faults, girls pick that up and dump you. But if you're being self-deprecating because you're so amazing and know that these aren't particularly faults, or they're faults that you're correcting or don't care about, then you just look confident enough to make fun of yourself. If you got the mindset, do it. If you don't, don't. And the faults I mention are not big ones, or they're not faults at all. Like the threesome one is meant to be ironic....I have no problems in this area, and am very confident in the bedroom. It's GETTING them there that can be the problem, haha. The forgetful one lets me ask them later on, "I'm sorry, what was your name again? You need to make yourself stand out to me", or something like that. I mean, I wouldn't say something about having no money or a shitty job (2 things that are closer to the truth than not), but I always thought it was a way of disarming people and not looking arrogant (I know arrogant works for some guys, I just don't feel like I pull it off well though). Aslo it IS def part of my personality...I'm not afraid to laugh at myself. |
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| Author: | BrianTampa [ Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:57 am ] |
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self deprecating humor is not appropriate for many situations. It is also generally not that funny. People will often just take it as you downing yourself and simply believe the negative content. If people don't know you it just makes you seem like a loser. Basically it is a bad habit and nice guy behavior that turns people off. |
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| Author: | Rye Lee [ Sun Jun 06, 2010 8:56 am ] |
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Self deprecating humor works great if you can do it well. It is very difficult to describe how to use it effectively because it is mostly calibration gained by experience. The key is knowing what subjects work well and things like saying that you aren't a capable lover or man in any way don't really work. You don't want to really make women think that you are less than you are, you want them to see you are being so humble that you aren't afraid of making a joke at your own expense because you are so confident that you aren't worried that they will think less of you. It is a complex thing that could make for a long long post or two just describing the subtleties of what you are trying to convey and the nuances of doing so. The main rules are to keep in mind that if you make yourself appear "less than", then you weren't making a joke, you were making yourself look less appealing. Try to make very obviously false jokes (or ones that raise enough doubt in the person's mind that with a smirk and a glance they realise that you are just playing around). People who degrade themselves are usually self-conscious and trying to get sympathy or attention, so you want to keep from looking like one of these people by making a joke that everyone gets a laugh out of due to the fact that they know it's false and ironic. |
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| Author: | minsok [ Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I guess if you have to do it, then go all the way to the bottom like a comedian. Those guys are almost always self-deprecating and girls still want to fuck them. If you're a comedian, that works. A lot of comedians have deep-seated intimacy and anxiety issues and turned to comedy to avoid bullying and turn around social awkwardness, though. Some people self-deprecate because they feel it takes away other people's power to mock them and bust them down. |
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| Author: | ~Finesse [ Mon Jun 07, 2010 12:58 pm ] |
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I haven't read any of the other responses, so apologies if this has already been said. Theres nothing wrong with doing this, in fact, it's usually good as it shows you don't take yourself too seriously and are comfortable in yourself and who you are around others. This does a lot of things, it shows you don't care what others think of you, you're not trying to impress anyone, and you are confident and comfortable in yourself. ...HOWEVER... If the way you say it sounds like you are self pittying, or slightly nervous, or just saying it to 'be funny', it can have the extreme opposite effect. Making you nervous, un confident, not happy with yourself. Etc. Which is extremely unnatractive. fortunately that is a motivation to become happy in life. Much Love ☯ ~Finesse |
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| Author: | openMinded [ Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Some people self-deprecate because they feel it takes away other people's power to mock them and bust them down.
I totally agree with this point, and I would like to add to it. If the girl puts you down, you can use self-depreciating humor to put doubt in their mind.
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| Author: | openMinded [ Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Self depracating humor - DLV? |
Quote: What the opinion on self depracating humor?
When you say it, it sounds pretty funny, and it makes you look humble, and genuine. That you don't come off as a guy with a big ego. I tend to do this alot, it's kind of a habit. I don't think I go TOO far with it, and it's just about always good for a laugh, but in doing this am I actually just DLV'ing myself? One thing I've said, for example, is when talking about 3 ways, I'll joke around about getting a girl in one, and then I'll say nah, who am I kidding, I can barely handle ONE girl, never mind TWO. When I say it it's meant to be an ironic understatement, but I can see how if a girl doesn't know me, she could take it literally. On the other hand, I've heard women say that they guys who brag about being good in bed usually aren't. I might also joke around about being a bit scatterbrained, or clutzy (I actually AM both). I might tell her not to be offended if I don't remember her name, I suffer from CRS... Can't Remember Shit. Basically, I do this to get a laugh, because I feel like getting a woman to laugh is definitely a step in the right direction, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe they're laughing AT me, not WITH me, when I use this type of humor. Thoughts? And in return, the girl made feel more comfortable around you, and share about some of their insecurities too. Knowing about each others' insecurities fosters trust. |
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