PUA Forum :: What would you do if a girl did this to you?

What would you do if you were in love with a girl who you've been friends with for over two years, but she told you she didn't want a relationship "for now"?

Not only that, but she decides to kiss/make out with you one day out of the blue, but then a few days later tell you to find a cute girl to date over the summer, just before she leaves for home?

It doesn't make any sense to me because she told me to move on a couple of months ago, and knows that making out with me is the worst idea if she wants that.

I'm super depressed about it and haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

OSLBD (One you Should Love But Dont)

Quote:

OSLBD (One you Should Love But Dont)

Sweet! I vote this into the regular PUA vocabulary.

Anyways. What is the problem?

You are training to be a PUA, many of the ones you learn from pick up girls for the sheer fun and pleasure of it. A lot of people have casual sex without it meaning anything. You find a girl who likes a bit of fun now and then but with no strings attached. Well, welcome to the real world Neo.

This is how it works. A very small amount of sexual encounters end up in a romantic relationship, especially amound the ones where one or more of the people involved have several choices.

So she decided to give you some, she enjoyed it and told you to go out and do the same. Thats the world that you are about to enter. In fact thats the world you have always been in but now you are gonna see it a lot more because you are gonna be in her situation a lot more...

I understand that you get emotionally attached but hey if you wanna fall in love with every girl you kiss, once you progress and step up your game you will fall in love a lot more often.

So, basically, Im telling you in a friendly but honest way... Deal with it.

I'll have to go with Rune and Ezo on this one, youe have a bad BAD case of onitits, you have to realize that it's not going to work. And you probably shouldn't see her anymore, it's going to be bad but in the end it's going to be GOOD, so take a deep breath and snap out of it[/list]

Don't call her!! Give her some time... you need to decide whether you can handle just being friends if not maybe it's worth cutting your losses....for now at least.

Hurrah!

I'm honoured to have coined a phrase for the PUA vocab!

SECONDLY.....Don't call her!! Give her some time... you need to decide whether you can handle just being friends if not maybe it's worth cutting your losses....for now at least.

There are plenty of other flavours of girl out there for you to sample......go grab a spoon!

Quote:

just curious,from a womans perspective --why do you think is it that 2 people who ideally should be to gether-{-in the romantic storybook happily ever after sense}

CANT be together---is it vibes,some weird law of the universe,always wanting someone who doesnt want you, or some weird belief that we arent entitled to be happy etc etc

ive come across these scenarios so many times similar to my mall story, im sure we all have.

I know that how it is is how it is and cant be changed---but im just fascinated at how weird humans really are and why

Author:	dmacfour [ Wed May 19, 2010 6:35 pm ]
Post subject:	What would you do if a girl did this to you?
What would you do if you were in love with a girl who you've been friends with for over two years, but she told you she didn't want a relationship "for now"? Not only that, but she decides to kiss/make out with you one day out of the blue, but then a few days later tell you to find a cute girl to date over the summer, just before she leaves for home? It doesn't make any sense to me because she told me to move on a couple of months ago, and knows that making out with me is the worst idea if she wants that. I'm super depressed about it and haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Author:	Trotyl [ Wed May 19, 2010 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:
You already have comfort and she's into you since you already kissed. Go and have a great night together. I.e. hang out, watch a movie, go to a romantic place, something like that. Then be honoust with her while she's feeling the attraction once again. Let her know how you feel and you want to give it a shot and promis her your friendship will never be lost, no matter what happens during the relationship. Many ex-lovers have akward moments when they meet, she just doesn't want to lose a friend like you.

Author:	mizho [ Wed May 19, 2010 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Becoming affective dependent is the best way to feel depress You should not give all the key of your happiness to one person (she doesn't want be in charge of you, she has enough of her) In my humble opinion, you have 2 possibilities: - challenge her (she already thought about being with you) - Do exactly what she said, but not just for the summer (you also don't have to be on hold for her) third possibility, a mix of the 2 above

Author:	verysuperstitious [ Wed May 19, 2010 7:15 pm ]
Post subject:
Hi, Thought I'd offer a female perspective on this... Firstly....that sucks....for you! She obviously does like you or she wouldn't have been friends with you for so long, however I'm guessing that 'friends' is all you'll ever be. To cut a long story short you are her OSLBD (One you Should Love But Dont) Most girls have one, usually a really cute, close friend who could give her everything she wants but for some reason she just isn't getting 'the feelings'. Sometimes girls will 'try out' their OSLBD when they're having a low self esteem time, major changes in life, or lack of alternatives (harsh but true!) What they're doing is hoping that by kissing/sleeping with the OSLBD they will descover the 'fireworks' but unfortunately this usually isn't the case. They then feel awful for upsetting you and potentially ruining a great friendship. My advice would be....GO AND FIND A CUTE GIRL!!! All the best....you deserve it!

Author:	Rune [ Wed May 19, 2010 7:25 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What would you do if a girl did this to you?
Quote: What would you do if you were in love with a girl who you've been friends with for over two years, but she told you she didn't want a relationship "for now"? I wouldn't do shit, because I would not be in that position. That's called "Friend Zone", and if you're in that position, you probably fucked up quite a number of times down the road. Quote: Not only that, but she decides to kiss/make out with you one day out of the blue, but then a few days later tell you to find a cute girl to date over the summer, just before she leaves for home? Shit Test. I can see you failed it. Quote: It doesn't make any sense to me because she told me to move on a couple of months ago, and knows that making out with me is the worst idea if she wants that. How do YOU know that? Did she SAY that? If so, she wants to move on. Drop her. If she DIDN'T SAY that, that means you're THINKING, and you need to STOP THINKING before SHE SAYS that. Quote: I'm super depressed about it and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Of course, love works differently. You're emotionally strewn. Dude, as much as this is going to suck, drop the bullshit. Stay in the present moment. As of right now, you're building her up, and becoming a tad bit obsessed. I fell victim to this not too long ago (And once before, when I was still in high school). You're at this point because you realize you may not get her. Sadly, you kinda gotta say "Fuck it" I'm thinking A TINY BIT right now as to how to approach this, because I don't want you to go mad and crazy. You're fragile right now; I still have to show you the stones. The only way is through. You must get her out of your life, or at least your head. You must let her go. Once you do that, re-establish your dominance. Right now, you're in a conflict: she is the prize, not you. YOU must be the prize. SHE must come to you. Knock out of it soldier. You're heading down the death spiral of destroyed love. Once you're heading down, only you can escape, and I will tell you right now, the bottom of that spiral will lead to potential thoughts of suicide, and when you hit that (IMAGINARY) bottom, you will be tricked and convinced that the only way out is...out. Out of life. Suicide. Don't go there. Drop her. Disconnect all emotional thoughts. Stay in the moment. Save yourself from misery. Remember, you are MAN. Of course, you may still be suffering even when I type this. I can only show you the gate, you must use the key to open and walk through it. ...I'm a bit moved right now. Love isn't easy to manuver. Don't worship her. Drop the connection. Save your soul. If you need further reinforcement, talk to me. I'm around.

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Author:	Herne [ Wed May 19, 2010 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:
OSBLBD is a very fascinating concept and its something ive noticed a lot, ive never heard it stated by a woman before either. i seen this case from a distance in a shopping mall i worked at and i can be objective since im in no way involved 2 teenagers approx 16 years old---both say around the HB9 and SS9 range----shes bright good at school hes good at sport and vice versa---they are great friends and in a normal world they would be the ideal happy ever after but instead they both go off with undesirables and unsuitables and yet cant see the other person thats right there in front of them and wouldnt go with the person they should be with if they were the last person on earth----thats how this objective bystander sees it WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY

Author:	Ezo [ Wed May 19, 2010 8:06 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: OSLBD (One you Should Love But Dont) Sweet! I vote this into the regular PUA vocabulary. Anyways. What is the problem? You are training to be a PUA, many of the ones you learn from pick up girls for the sheer fun and pleasure of it. A lot of people have casual sex without it meaning anything. You find a girl who likes a bit of fun now and then but with no strings attached. Well, welcome to the real world Neo. This is how it works. A very small amount of sexual encounters end up in a romantic relationship, especially amound the ones where one or more of the people involved have several choices. So she decided to give you some, she enjoyed it and told you to go out and do the same. Thats the world that you are about to enter. In fact thats the world you have always been in but now you are gonna see it a lot more because you are gonna be in her situation a lot more... I understand that you get emotionally attached but hey if you wanna fall in love with every girl you kiss, once you progress and step up your game you will fall in love a lot more often. So, basically, Im telling you in a friendly but honest way... Deal with it.

Author:	dmacfour [ Wed May 19, 2010 9:18 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: OSLBD (One you Should Love But Dont) Sweet! I vote this into the regular PUA vocabulary. Anyways. What is the problem? You are training to be a PUA, many of the ones you learn from pick up girls for the sheer fun and pleasure of it. A lot of people have casual sex without it meaning anything. You find a girl who likes a bit of fun now and then but with no strings attached. Well, welcome to the real world Neo. This is how it works. A very small amount of sexual encounters end up in a romantic relationship, especially amound the ones where one or more of the people involved have several choices. So she decided to give you some, she enjoyed it and told you to go out and do the same. Thats the world that you are about to enter. In fact thats the world you have always been in but now you are gonna see it a lot more because you are gonna be in her situation a lot more... I understand that you get emotionally attached but hey if you wanna fall in love with every girl you kiss, once you progress and step up your game you will fall in love a lot more often. So, basically, Im telling you in a friendly but honest way... Deal with it. I kiss a lot of girls and feel nothing. This was different because I had oneitis for this girl for at least a year. I was almost over her when she dragged me back in. Fuck it. I'm calling her tonight and telling her to figure out what she want. Otherwise I won't be talking to her. I would prefer to do it in person, but she's home for the summer so I don't have that option.

Author:	Herne [ Wed May 19, 2010 9:23 pm ]
Post subject:
yeah bro at least youll know one way or another--closure,theres nothing worse than wondering

Author:	StreetLight [ Wed May 19, 2010 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:
I'll have to go with Rune and Ezo on this one, youe have a bad BAD case of onitits, you have to realize that it's not going to work. And you probably shouldn't see her anymore, it's going to be bad but in the end it's going to be GOOD, so take a deep breath and snap out of it[/list]

Author:	dmacfour [ Wed May 19, 2010 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I'll have to go with Rune and Ezo on this one, youe have a bad BAD case of onitits, you have to realize that it's not going to work. And you probably shouldn't see her anymore, it's going to be bad but in the end it's going to be GOOD, so take a deep breath and snap out of it[/list] I realize it may come to that. Not talking to her will be the most difficult part about it; we have a bunch of classes together, the same group of friends, etc. I'm also her best friend at this university. I'm calling her and telling her that she is either going to stop playing games, or I'm going to stop talking to her.

Author:	Ezo [ Wed May 19, 2010 10:59 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Don't call her!! Give her some time... you need to decide whether you can handle just being friends if not maybe it's worth cutting your losses....for now at least. I agree. Now is the time to calm down and not freak out. If you push her you will push her away. Maybe you think things look bad right now but believe me, that is not the way to solve anything unless you are sure she has strong feelings for you. There is no way you will get your preferred ideal solution to this situation. This is damage control. Ezo

Author:	Herne [ Wed May 19, 2010 11:00 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Hurrah! I'm honoured to have coined a phrase for the PUA vocab! SECONDLY.....Don't call her!! Give her some time... you need to decide whether you can handle just being friends if not maybe it's worth cutting your losses....for now at least. There are plenty of other flavours of girl out there for you to sample......go grab a spoon! just curious,from a womans perspective --why do you think is it that 2 people who ideally should be to gether-{-in the romantic storybook happily ever after sense} CANT be together---is it vibes,some weird law of the universe,always wanting someone who doesnt want you, or some weird belief that we arent entitled to be happy etc etc ive come across these scenarios so many times similar to my mall story, im sure we all have. I know that how it is is how it is and cant be changed---but im just fascinated at how weird humans really are and why

Author:	verysuperstitious [ Thu May 20, 2010 12:03 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Hurrah! I'm honoured to have coined a phrase for the PUA vocab! SECONDLY.....Don't call her!! Give her some time... you need to decide whether you can handle just being friends if not maybe it's worth cutting your losses....for now at least. There are plenty of other flavours of girl out there for you to sample......go grab a spoon! just curious,from a womans perspective --why do you think is it that 2 people who ideally should be to gether-{-in the romantic storybook happily ever after sense} CANT be together---is it vibes,some weird law of the universe,always wanting someone who doesnt want you, or some weird belief that we arent entitled to be happy etc etc ive come across these scenarios so many times similar to my mall story, im sure we all have. I know that how it is is how it is and cant be changed---but im just fascinated at how weird humans really are and why I'm not sure I have the answer to that I'm afraid, I guess it's just that thing about chemistry! There are guys who I know would be so right for me who I'm friends with but I just don't feel 'that way' about them, even though they're cute, intelligent etc etc. It goes the other way too, there's a guy I'm friends with who I would be perfect for (not that I'm blowing my own trumpet!! haha) but I don't think he feels that way for me. You just have to accept that if the other person doesn't feel the same, it's obviously not meant to be. Easier said than done I know!! I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over though so I personally would never 'try out' the guy who like me but I can totally understand why girls do it.

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