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loosing attraction... getting pass sticking point
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Author:  Etrain [ Sun May 02, 2010 2:16 pm ]
Post subject:  loosing attraction... getting pass sticking point
I met this girl thru family function a few months back.

The first time with hang out was her birthday party. I was working her friends all night and by the end of the night I got few IOIs from her.

She went on a business trip for a month and things pickup where it left off. She asked me to hang out 3 times afterward and all 3 times, she brought friends with her. I wasn't sure if that was a good idea at first cause i don't want to end up in the friend zone. But, I was able to win over her friends and do some kinoing and got lots of IOIs from her when we hang out.

In between hanging out, we talk about 3-4 times a weeks. She usually the one who calls me or text me first and Im usually the ones who ends it.

Here is everything when south. I asked to go to circus with me. She agreed but once again she wanted to bring friend with her. I said to her, I want to make it just me and her. She gave me the whole story of how she never have time to hang out with her friends and the people she invited are a couple, blah blah... and I said fine, thinking double date and plus I never have problems with her friends there. (I think I fucked up there, should've stick to my gun?)

The date came and she was cold and distance from the start. I acted cool and whatever she is doing doesn't bother me. During the show intermission, I did the cube routine and she started to warm up, she started to response to some of my kino and compliance test. Thanks of routines and I was able to turn the date into a ok instead of a total disaster.

A) What are the possible reasons for her to get cold all of a sudden?

B) What should I do? How should i proceed from here?

C) This is not the first time, that happens. I build up great initial attraction and comfort then it fizzle out, I need help getting pass that sticking point.

I'll gladly provide more info, and I appreciate all advices.
Author:  Hank Moody [ Sun May 02, 2010 4:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
How old are u and how old is this girl.

right so this last day out was the Fourth time u had met to hang out with her and her friends yes/no.

personally iwhen you said u just want it to be the 2 of us i would have either said ok i will come no worries but when do i get u all to myself. or i would have confirmed that this was either a date or just friends. that way u know. becuase personally she might be taking things slow to get to know you. to see if her friends like u etc and posibly she has had some bad relationships in the past. i have no idea but u may know this stuff.

then you know where u stand because her getting cold with you could mean many things.

either she is waiting for u to make a move "very possibly" and she does not like going out alone "possibly"

she likes ou but just as a friend and is trying to give u hint..

now she said no this will all be couples. yes. was it all couples.

why the 2 week period between meet ups. u mentioned business trips.

u didnt need to stick to your guns but be clear in your own mind about where this is going. if anywhere.

ps PLEASE use fucking spaces when u type its awful reading a block of text like that.
Author:  Etrain [ Sun May 02, 2010 11:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
I edited the post so its easier to read now.

Im 30 and she is 25

She told me she only had 1 bf ever for 1yr and a half but she had dated a lot of people. She was getting into the detail and some of the drama and I cut her off. I told her you're getting off topic and you're treating me like your gay friend and thats not what I want.

She said"It just going to be You and me and 2 of my friends and they are a couple"

She went on a month long business trip. She has a very demanding jobs 9 to 7 job and she lives an hour away from me. She told me weekends are the only free time.
Author:  BackpackJeff [ Mon May 03, 2010 8:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Ask her where she thinks this is going.
Author:  Hank Moody [ Mon May 03, 2010 12:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
ok dude,

basically you dont know where this is going. next time she says lets hang out, ask if its the 2 of you. if not just simply ask when you 2 are going on a proper date. she will either say yes or no....

thanks for the spaces. its my little pet hate.
Author:  Trotyl [ Mon May 03, 2010 5:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
From what I've read so far I'm concluding she's a bit shy towards guys? If so, did it ever occur to you that she might bring friends to be in a more comfortable zone instead of being alone with a guy she might not be in the comfort zone with? Go do some activity with the 4 of you and get them busy. You can then hook her up for a chat and get her away from that 'activity' to have some alone time...'I just saw this blahblah I wanna show you'. I'm sure the friends won't mind you 'showing' her something, especially when they're busy.
Could try going for some pool/biljard. Let the friends play eachother and you play against her. I've always liked teaching a girl/woman how to play pool/biljard, haha.
Goodluck man, I'm sure you'll pull this thing off, you can do it! ;)
Author:  Etrain [ Mon May 03, 2010 6:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks everyone for their advise so far.

Next time she asks me to hang out. Im going to ask her when are we going to go on a proper date.

Trotyl - she's not shy towards guys at all. About the comfortable zone, I thought about it. That's one of the reason why I said ok she can bring friends to the last date. It was big change from this time we hang out and the last we hang out. There were times we were alone but she was very closed off and distance, I was able to use the cube routine to open her up and relieve some of the tension.

I expected there would be some attraction lost cause it was about 2 weeks since we hang out, but I didn't expect the big chill. It really threw off my game.

What should I do now? Should I act like nothing happen? Should I freeze her out? What would you do in this situation?

What would you do in that situation if a girl just went cold on you all of a sudden during a date?
Author:  Trotyl [ Tue May 04, 2010 7:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Wow man that's harsh, honoustly if I knew the magic formula for this I'd tell you but I don't. Seems like she's not showing you the respect you deserve. Going alpha male and showing her 'disrespect' will not be tolerated might work. She might be testing you on how big her effect on you is. She should know you by now and shouldn't be able to get into your head, you're the man not her! As for what the other guys said, they're probably right with being direct because she probably already knows you like her. However since you haven't had alot of contact with her lately, that might work in your advantage since it doesn't come off as needy.
But again I don't know the formula so it's up to you to decide what to do. Have a plan for worst case scenarios so you're prepared for this kind of shit. And if no results show at all you should just continue with other women, it might even get her jealous.
Author:  jazz25 [ Tue May 04, 2010 11:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Build more comfort... its ok not to be her gay male friend but if your sending out cold vibes she may be sendin them back
Author:  Hank Moody [ Tue May 04, 2010 4:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes i agree with Jazz, do not be cold with her, if you are going to say when are u2 going to go out together alone i would make it easy going not Go out with me bitch or else im gonna punish u.

apart from that, personally i think 4 times u have met up is comfort enough for u to go out on an easy date together. possibly not for late drinks etc. where sex is prety on the cards. but coffe or shopping.

be easy going, the type of person people you would want to be around.

if she says no come back to us. but look out for how your coming across whn asking, how she takes it, and dont push for a date. if she says no say ok......

Good luck dude. and if she says yes. tell us
Author:  Etrain [ Tue May 04, 2010 6:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was thinking should I call her out and say something like "Hey about Saturday, I felt that you're distancing yourself from me and I just wanna know is there something in your mind you wanna tell me?"

Does that come out as an AFC moves?

Btw she emailed me yesterday cause she asked some of the cube question to her bf and she wants my opinion on it. No Hi, how is you date or nothing.
Author:  Etrain [ Wed May 05, 2010 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
She just commented me on FB, "good luck on that!" (I posted: Im apt hunting)

I didn't comment on it or anything cause I thinks she is stringing me along and see if I would jump at it. What do you all think? Opinion?
Author:  Trotyl [ Thu May 06, 2010 8:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Thing is, she does give you attention so somehow she's into you. You were direct before and she knows what you're after and if she didn't care she wouldn't contact you anymore, one way or another. Try to keep your cool and don't give her to much attention or if you have to, respond late. She'll soon enough start missing you and you can try your game again. Maybe she'll agree to a proper date later. And like I said, start dating other women aswell even if it's only to get her jealous ;)
Author:  Etrain [ Thu May 06, 2010 3:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Trotyl

She called me later on they day and I send her straight to voice mail cause my mind wasn't at the right place yet.

She messaged me right after "aiyay eirc s phone is off"
I'll give her a call tomorrow if she doesn't contact me today.

Speaking of FB, jealous plot - I friend with more girls than guys on FB and they comments on my page all the time and I have lot of pictures of me with other girls (nothing sexual). Does that work against me, or work for me, maybe she thinks Im a player and thats why she's backing off all of a sudden. Opinions?
Author:  Trotyl [ Fri May 07, 2010 8:39 am ]
Post subject: 
haha that's good news. Has nothing to do with being a player. People see you get female attention and that gives you higher value (DHV). It can only make her jealous and that's a good thing. Eventhough FB may seems normal to comment on, somehow she does show interest and ofc she called you...I mean...c'mon man. Not being available at the time might work in your advantage aswell, seeing you're busy so you have better thing to do then talk to her. You sure raised your value and I think it'll help you out. All you should be thinking now is; how can she NOT like me? I'm the man!

Goodluck ;)
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