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Oneitis Help!!
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Author:  Bobby Sixkiller [ Wed Mar 24, 2010 3:07 am ]
Post subject: 
This thread really opened my eyes on the LJBF situation (especially Kasabi and Tweeby’s posts) and made me realize that I probably failed loads of LJBF tests in the past! I have been lately running in a LJBF situation that is a little bit different from the ones above so I would like to share it with you and get your input

[to the moderator: please feel free to move my message to another section if it is more appropriate]

In December, I met a girl through a wine tasting club I am running in my University (she later appeared to be friends of friends). We had a strong emotional connection right away and I soon heard the rumor that she had a crush on me. One day she asked for a good book on wine so I made her stop by to my room and we made out (after sharing a good glass of wine of course!). I am not a big college game fan so I decided to play it slow and we just exchanged flirtatious text messages and emails until the next wine tasting event. Here again, we flirt and she invited me for a casual dinner the next day (to thank me for the book! ;D). As usual we had a strong emotional connection and she invited me up into her room where we passionately made out on her bed while listening to some romantic music she ended up giving me head. The next day she had to leave for a one week trip with some friends and I left her room with the feeling that I would see her when she comes back. I had a new girlfriend.

At least, that’s what I thought at that time. Two weeks later though, I hadn’t heard of her… I started wondering what was going on but decided to wait until the next wine tasting session to see if she would come (we live on the same campus, there is no need to rush, eh!). She actually came, we talked for a while and I invited her to my place to eat dessert after dinner the next day.

That night I got an email from hers that (roughly) said

“I would love to come and eat dessert at your place tonight but before we spend more time together I want to be honest we you: last fall, I had an affair with a guy that I liked a lot. We broke up in December but then something happened again after a party during my trip. I know he is not the right guy form me but I still have feelings and I want to make sure that I have moved on before I start something new. I like you and it only seems fair to you that I sort out my feelings first. I hope that you can understand and that we can just be friends for now. And I will let you know…”

I must confess I was not so sure what to do at that stage. So I responded the following way.

“Thanks for your honesty. I understand your situation for having similar stories in my past relationships. I had good times but I agree with you: let’s just be friends for now and let’s save the dessert for another time.”

By writing it again I feel this message is totally AFC, but that’s the way it is…

I haven’t heard of her for a month after that until… last Thursday! She came to me while I was sitting in a bar with some friends. We talked for an hour and she was very flirtatious again: she was very touchy and, surprisingly, I felt very relaxed and comfortable talking to her. She asked me if I was mad at her which I answered by a big laugh and I acted like it was no big deal. During our conversation I could feel the same kind of connection we had the first times but I did not make a move. I had to leave so we simply said goodbye with a kiss on the chick.

Now I must confess I don’t know what to do. I probably made lots of mistakes during that game but what drives me crazy is the feeling that something could still happen. Shall I reinitiate the thing? Shall I wait? Or maybe shall I just move one? I start feeling a oneitis so if some of you guys have some inputs or any ideas (especially kasabi and tweeby), I would greatly appreciate!

Many Thanks!

Sixkiller
Author:  punkstar [ Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
be self fish and game 10 girls at a time.... u`ll do better in a long run
Author:  Kaveriis "SITH" [ Wed Mar 24, 2010 10:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Actually, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong except want her to be your girlfriend in the first place. The email and the bar convo sounded fine to me (especially the laugh when she asked if you were mad). The only problem I can see is that you have this girl in your head way too much. You sound like a well rounded guy that has a lot to offer...so offer it to others first. that doesn't mean throw her outta the loop completely, just don't get too stuck on just her. Like Punkstar said, game (and close) 10 girls and see if you still feel the same about this one.
Author:  MaximillionAxel [ Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ya oneitis doesn't help anybody i agree with the first idea well 10 is just a saying but point is to talk to other girls i think of it as backup
Author:  Chief [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I probably failed loads of LJBF tests in the past!
LJBF isn't a "test." For the most part, it's an indicator that you failed to sexualize your interactions with her.

If you've been sexually aggressive, you might get the LJBF as a manifestation of ASD, but that's all it is; ASD. You can pretty much just ignore that sort of LJBF and keep escalating.

Oneitis? GO FUCK THEN OTHER WOMEN.
Author:  Pimpin aint easy [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 3:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I probably failed loads of LJBF tests in the past!
LJBF isn't a "test." For the most part, it's an indicator that you failed to sexualize your interactions with her.

If you've been sexually aggressive, you might get the LJBF as a manifestation of ASD, but that's all it is; ASD. You can pretty much just ignore that sort of LJBF and keep escalating.

.
Really?

How sure are you about this LJBF as ASD thing? It's the first I've heard that kind of perspective and would explain some things for me in the past that I have had some issues with.

What if you escalate for a seductive hip to hip kiss and she says:

"I dont think of you that way" and shuts you down hardcore even though moments before she was massaging you with oil??

I had this girl that had a boyfriend who would get in laungerie and do all this crazy stuff and she was obviously attracted. We play fighted, we danced close together, but she would act like we were just friends.

I always wondered what went wrong with this one and could never figure it out. I figured either she just wasn't able to get attracted enough to me to let me fuck her because of her boyfriend OR maybe it was me going for the kiss that messed it up and she would have let me at her pussy before she let me kiss her.

Still not sure to this day on that one.
Author:  Chief [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 9:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I probably failed loads of LJBF tests in the past!
LJBF isn't a "test." For the most part, it's an indicator that you failed to sexualize your interactions with her.

If you've been sexually aggressive, you might get the LJBF as a manifestation of ASD, but that's all it is; ASD. You can pretty much just ignore that sort of LJBF and keep escalating.

.
Really?

How sure are you about this LJBF as ASD thing? It's the first I've heard that kind of perspective and would explain some things for me in the past that I have had some issues with.

What if you escalate for a seductive hip to hip kiss and she says:

"I dont think of you that way" and shuts you down hardcore even though moments before she was massaging you with oil??

I had this girl that had a boyfriend who would get in laungerie and do all this crazy stuff and she was obviously attracted. We play fighted, we danced close together, but she would act like we were just friends.

I always wondered what went wrong with this one and could never figure it out. I figured either she just wasn't able to get attracted enough to me to let me fuck her because of her boyfriend OR maybe it was me going for the kiss that messed it up and she would have let me at her pussy before she let me kiss her.

Still not sure to this day on that one.
If you run the kind of game that I do, practically all the resistance you get will be because of ASD and/or bad logistics (still related to ASD in many ways).

Girls have tried to LJBF me just so that they wouldn't look "easy" or so that she wouldn't see herself as "slutty" when the LJBF was actually bullshit. For example, hooking up with a co-worker or a girl with a boyfriend is generally "wrong" by most societal standards so some of these girls in these scenarios have tried to LJBF me just because they would sense things heating up. What a terribly weak defense against such a dangerous fucker like me :P

All you had to do in your situation with that girl was to verbally agree that it's wrong and that you two shouldn't do anything while continuing to physically escalate. Her "not being attracted enough" or the fact that you went in for a kiss has absolutely nothing to do with this shit.
Author:  Bobby Sixkiller [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for your input guys, that's very instructive...

SITH:

Thanks for your supporting post. I think that's a good thing to tell to any guy that has a oneitis (which is a form of lowering your own value compared with the girl)

Chief:

Your point of view is very interesting. I was actually so focused on connecting emotionally with her that I completely neglected the physical and sexual escalation (for instance, she initiated the first kiss)

I was also thinking that the LJBF could come from the fact that she felt guilty hooking up with her exbf during her trip (which isn't a secret apparently). Since everybody knows what happened between her and me too the LJBF would be some kind of ASD...

PS: I have started my GFTOW therapy last night :wink: and I already feel much better :D
Author:  Sixty Years of Challenge [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 2:42 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey man -

One thing to think about. 1itis is usually a problem of trying to take the female affection (emotional connection) before the sex (physical connection).

The problem is... most women don't give their female affection to men they don't have a sexual connection with.

You have to let your SEXUAL desire for her eclipse your desire for her female affection. At least at the beginning so you can solidify the physical connection.

Good luck -

Best,
Sixty
Author:  Bobby Sixkiller [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 12:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Sixty,

Thanks for your input, this totally makes sense to me! When escalating with her I did not feel any need to push the sexual interaction too far.

Btw my onetis goes much better, thanks to all the good advice I got here. I have moved on and slept with another girl last night. It was definitely worth doing it :)

6killer
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