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Become a better conversationalist?
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Author:  fbmmevan [ Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Become a better conversationalist?
Hello all, I'm currently in high school and looking to improve my social standing. I have some friends but I'd like to be a little more friendly with some other groups as it would help my social proof tremendously.

I think my down fall would be my conversation skills. I don't hold up a good conversation very well, and I think I come across a little distant and people think I want to be left alone.

I wouldn't exactly say I'm shy, I'm comfortable talking to who ever, I just never find interesting things to add to conversations. I've thought about using some gender neutral routines to appear more interesting, I have a knack for remembering triva-like information, I'm just not sure if this would come across as interesting, or if people would find it weird.

Any tips or tricks would be awesome, please take into consideration I'm in a high school environment. Also I apologize for the punctuation and grammar.
Author:  Smartbomb [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:34 am ]
Post subject: 
A good conversationalist knows how to listen and ask good questions. A conversation can be sustained for hours if you are able to really listen well, synthesize what is being said to you, and ask insightful followup questions that keep the other person talking. Share your own thoughts/viewpoints when they are appropriate, but if you follow this advice, you will be amazed when people thank you for such a wonderful conversation when all you did was ask them to talk about themselves and they did 90% of the talking.
Author:  KMax [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:42 am ]
Post subject: 
I actually have the same problem. While talking I think very hard about things to say, either comment about the current topic, viewpoint of the subject being discussed or finding out new things to talk about. Most often, I could not find anything that can be talked about naturally after the end of the current topic so I end up sucking every bit of juice out of the current one, which is BAD since I enter this awkward silence period after that.

So I generally just end the conversation and leave before things turn ugly or awkward. I know this isn't the best thing to do but until I can further elaborate on my conversational skills, that is the best I can do, I think.
Author:  Alsex [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:32 am ]
Post subject: 
This is how I practice threading,
I walk around looking at random objects and tell stories in my head about how I can relate to that object, ie.
Bunkbed
I remember onetime when I was little, my head got stuck in those bars in the bunkbed for about 6 hours, then I fell asleep. I woke up to my mom screaming and dialing 911 crazily.

Now I take a topic in the topic, lets say 911
911
Speaking of 911, I've always wanted to be a policeman my whole life. First it started off with me wanting to fight crime and look badass, but eventually I realized I like helping people.

Helping people
Speaking of helping people, I onetime took a trip over to Africa to help build houses and shelters for the poor African kids, it was a crazy and hard journey but the results were well worth it.

Houses and shelters can thread off into a topic of homeless people, etc etc
Author:  KMax [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 7:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
This is how I practice threading,
I walk around looking at random objects and tell stories in my head about how I can relate to that object, ie.
Bunkbed
I remember onetime when I was little, my head got stuck in those bars in the bunkbed for about 6 hours, then I fell asleep. I woke up to my mom screaming and dialing 911 crazily.

Now I take a topic in the topic, lets say 911
911
Speaking of 911, I've always wanted to be a policeman my whole life. First it started off with me wanting to fight crime and look badass, but eventually I realized I like helping people.

Helping people
Speaking of helping people, I onetime took a trip over to Africa to help build houses and shelters for the poor African kids, it was a crazy and hard journey but the results were well worth it.

Houses and shelters can thread off into a topic of homeless people, etc etc
I LOVE this idea. I think this is a great way to train myself mentally so later on I can just find anything to talk about. I think if I practice this, then I will, eventually, be able to tell the most amazing story about anything I see. Thanks!
Author:  KMax [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 7:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
This is how I practice threading,
I walk around looking at random objects and tell stories in my head about how I can relate to that object, ie.
Bunkbed
I remember onetime when I was little, my head got stuck in those bars in the bunkbed for about 6 hours, then I fell asleep. I woke up to my mom screaming and dialing 911 crazily.

Now I take a topic in the topic, lets say 911
911
Speaking of 911, I've always wanted to be a policeman my whole life. First it started off with me wanting to fight crime and look badass, but eventually I realized I like helping people.

Helping people
Speaking of helping people, I onetime took a trip over to Africa to help build houses and shelters for the poor African kids, it was a crazy and hard journey but the results were well worth it.

Houses and shelters can thread off into a topic of homeless people, etc etc
I LOVE this idea. I think this is a great way to train myself mentally so later on I can just find anything to talk about. I think if I practice this, then I will, eventually, be able to tell the most amazing story about anything I see. Thanks!
Author:  KMax [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
One question though. I saw your Helping People example. Do those stories have to be real? Like if I am going elaborate on airplane and I say something like "last time I had my pilot training bla bla bla", can that be a totally made up story or it has to at least somewhat close or touch my real life experience?

Basically, should I try to tell stories related to real experience or just plain "lie" and "make up" stories.
Author:  Alsex [ Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:55 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
One question though. I saw your Helping People example. Do those stories have to be real? Like if I am going elaborate on airplane and I say something like "last time I had my pilot training bla bla bla", can that be a totally made up story or it has to at least somewhat close or touch my real life experience?

Basically, should I try to tell stories related to real experience or just plain "lie" and "make up" stories.
Depends on what your goals are. If you are planning on sleeping with her and not calling her back, she will most likely never find out the truth.

My goals are different though, I usually befriend all the girls I meet and things like that will catch up with you. I told a girl I was going to compete in the 2012 olympics for mountain biking, turns out she googled 2012 olympics and there is no mountain biking in it. She never called me again
Author:  Rune [ Fri Feb 26, 2010 1:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Become a better conversationalist?
Quote:
Hello all, I'm currently in high school and looking to improve my social standing. I have some friends but I'd like to be a little more friendly with some other groups as it would help my social proof tremendously.
Join a sport.

Seriously. Determine what you'd be good at, and do a sport. Athleticism is a bonder. Trust me.
Quote:
I think my down fall would be my conversation skills. I don't hold up a good conversation very well, and I think I come across a little distant and people think I want to be left alone. I wouldn't exactly say I'm shy, I'm comfortable talking to who ever, I just never find interesting things to add to conversations. I've thought about using some gender neutral routines to appear more interesting, I have a knack for remembering triva-like information, I'm just not sure if this would come across as interesting, or if people would find it weird.
Do you feel comfortable in social situations? Are you angry/upset/nervous?
I can relate on this issue, and I solved it, but I wanted to make sure what your problem was before...well, I have ADD. I used to not know what to do in social situations, but once I started taking meds, I found that there was a "missing" aspect to my social interactions that allowed me to connect with others.

I'm not saying you might have it, but I am relating to you, because I did experience the same situation you're in (Can go up to anyone, but cant establish a connection), and I found out that, on my side, my ADD prevented me from connecting. What do you think it may be?
Quote:
Any tips or tricks would be awesome, please take into consideration I'm in a high school environment. Also I apologize for the punctuation and grammar.
I understood you. Grammar was alright.

High school can be brutal. Teens really don't have the kindness to help someone who's shy or reserved (Eat or be eaten, until THEY get eaten, and then they digress). Sports help guard you socially, and may even build you up. Check them out.

As for the rest, I don't know. Told you my side. I can't tell you push out of your shell, cause if it were that easy, you'd have done so (You think holding a conversation is tough, try fending for yourself against talkers more skilled than you).

Stay strong man.
Author:  Sharplin [ Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:43 am ]
Post subject: 
There is lots of info on this site pertaining to improving conversations because it is such a common problem. I have this really bad sometimes.

Here's a few articles that might help you out:

How to Be a Better Conversationalist: how-to-be-a-better-conversationalist-vt ... highlight=

High School Game: high-school-game-vt61637.html?highlight=

Natural Game Explained: natural-game-fully-explained-vt39114.html

Introverted vs. Extroverted: extroverted-alpha-vs-introverted-alpha-vt55038.html

Overcoming AA: overcoming-approach-anxiety-vt1672.html

Sexual Attraction Explained In-Depth: sexual-attraction-explained-in-depth-vt40419.html

Read these, take notes, and enjoy it. Make sure you learn from them. If you don't, reread them. There is some very very very valuable information in these articles.
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