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Im a loser; Here's my story i need help (warning long story)
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Author:  FormerD [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:21 am ]
Post subject:  Im a loser; Here's my story i need help (warning long story)
Heres my story

Basically, im new to all this PUA stuff and i only got into it because i failed or at least i think i failed miserably with a girl i liked at work just recently. Probably because i have absolutely 0 experience with getting girls (opening, number-closing etc.). So i went home feeling destroyed that i blew it and somehow came across this book The Game by Neil Strauss in my bros room, read some of it and ended up here.

What happened was that someone told me this girl had a crush on me (i feel like im in grade school). Prior to that i had unknowingly or subconsciously been doing things like negging and cat theory type things found in the book while talking normally with her. At this point i had no real intention on asking her out or even getting in her pants, i just was trying to be friendly or at least entertaining. But after finding out she had a huge crush on me i became extremely nervous around her and couldnt talk to her normally and all i could think about was getting in her pants, where to go on dates, what to say etc.. A million things were in my head.

The day before valentines i finally built the courage to ask for her number at work. What i thought would take me a few minutes turned into a few ackward hours. I'd let her talk then i would talk then there'd be silence (i was trying too hard to think of a cool way to ask her for her number... it never came). So after another long period of silence i blurted out or rather stuttered out that i thought we should hang out sometime. She reluctantly agreed but still gave me her number and said i should text her if i wanted to do something. (I guess that would still count as a #-close wouldnt it? haha) At no point in the convo did i notice any IOI's as i hadnt read the book yet and wasnt looking for it.

about 3 or 4 days went by i texted her if she wanted to go out for some drinks at a bar she once told me she liked to go to... i pressed send and no response... hours went by and no response. This was the kind of girl who had her phone with her 24/7. A day had gone by and nothing. Finally the night had passed that we were supposed to go out for drinks and i was a wreck. I must have creeped her out with that long ackward attempt at trying to get her number.

Then i get a message back saying that she thought that my message was from another person of the same name that she was trying to ignore long before she met me and that she had to work. I didnt buy it (could she really have forgotten about me in that short a period of time) but i messaged back that it was cool. But i never attempted to set up another date and left it at that. I am almost certain that i will have to see her at work on the weekend when both our schedules match. I figured i would have to deal with it then.

I know i look a fool but keep in mind i did all this without any knowledge from the PUA community until after. (I know i have to get out there more and practice and not be such a wuss)
I know now i should have set a timelimit for that number close and i shouldnt have put too much pressure on myself to try to get a "date" but rather see it as an opportunity to go out and have fun

My Question:

Seeing as how i have no experience, is this some kind of game girls do (try to hold out and make me sweat to see how desperate i was)? Was it just a straight up rejection. Or maybe she was on the real and i should i have at least tried to reschedule. I will eventually have to see her on the weekend.

Any help would be appreciated
Author:  kasabi [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 2:35 am ]
Post subject: 
She was merely just as nervous as you.

The imaginations of man:

1. Women KNOW exactly what's going on. We say one thing and they play us with their "female intuition" super powers.

2. Their bathrooms are built like board rooms. They tell us that they're going to take a piss but it's all a lie. There's a round table in there where women congregate and chat about relationships. Why else would they go there in pairs and stay there for 10 minutes at a time?

3. They do things for a reason. They don't respond to our text because they are following a strategy as noted in 5.21 of the "text game book" that only WOMEN know about.

4. Women give out numbers "reluctantly" because really, all women have special social circles that no men know about. In that special circle, they give out numbers happily and fuck all the guys porno style. But out in the real World, they merely give out numbers reluctantly and follow the "text game book" strategy.

Dude, she's just a nervous little kid who didn't know how to respond. There is no "special guide book" for women. There is no special "women's bathroom/board room". She got the request and went, "Yikes! I kinda like him. What should I do?!?! If I act to happy then he might think I'm desperate. If I don't respond, he'll never call me back. What to do! What to do!"

See, the point of ALL of this PU crap is to carve an EASY path for her to do what she wants to do. She wants to suck your cock. If you simply toss an open ended request to her side, she needs to carve a path for herself. But if you lay down a non-intrusive, comfortable, non-slutty, yet FUN way for her to wrap her lips around your cock, she's there in a minute. Do you see what I'm getting at here? The way you set this up made her feel as if she responded, it meant you were going on a date, "boyfriend/girlfriend" style. This is a big emotional step for a girl to take and it's not an "easy path". The fact that she even replied "late", means she is very much into you.

This is 100% what she is thinking now: "Shit! I fucked up! Why am I such a nervous wreck? Why didn't I just reply right away! He'll probably call back. Shit, maybe not. He's probably pissed. Well, he'll call me if he wants to go out. Why would he go out with me? I'm such a boring idiot! I can't even answer a phone call! Maybe I should call him. No way. . . OK, maybe . . . No, I'll wait. But I'll see him this weekend? Should I pretend nothing happened? What if he lost interest? . . . etc . . ."

And she's already called 5 of her closest friends, "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . . ."

Call her back, "Hey, I just wanted to make sure my Saturday was clear before I called you. How about I pick you up at 7?"

This one is in the bag.
Author:  FormerD [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 4:22 am ]
Post subject: 
So i guess where i went wrong was that my question was too open ended...

rather than asking "would you consider going"... i should say "we ARE going, so go get ready cuz im coming" type thing.... is that right?
Author:  Flipstar [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Kasabi is totally right on the money!

Like he said ... she probably was just as nervous as you were.

When you come to work on the weekend, just up the ante, put your best smile on, and ask her straight out to something along like this "Ya im gonna take you out because your a girl who deserves a little fun tonight ... we're gonna have a few drinks at this place you wanna go to and make great memories ... How bout I pick you up at 8 hows that sound!? (or whatever appropriate time you think)"

At least this is how I would approach the situation! :wink:
Author:  mrcoffee999888 [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 7:12 am ]
Post subject: 
You can always FRAME the question in a different manner.

Instead of saying:
Hey, do you want to come have a few drinks with me at this bar?

you could say:
I'm going to the bar on thursday, feel free to tag along


there is also a lot of power in saying

We are going to the bar on thursday. be ready by eight.. (i don't like waiting ;-) )
Author:  kasabi [ Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:  !!!
Quote:
So i guess where i went wrong was that my question was too open ended...

rather than asking "would you consider going"... i should say "we ARE going, so go get ready cuz im coming" type thing.... is that right?
In terms of the "question" itself, just keep it simple. I can see what the other guys here are getting at but going "melodramatic"(make great memories) or acting "pompous"(You're going to tag along with me) is the stuff you might want to do in CLUB/BAR settings to bounce that high energy back and forth. . . . Although, I still think it's a bit too flakey for my taste.

When you're just sitting in some office or when you're on the phone. Jut be straight forward and keep it SIMPLE.

The "open ended" question is probably not your main issue. There's something you said or did that made her believe that this was a "DATE! DATE! DATE!" It's just a four letter word but it forces her to reveal that she is "into you". Why corner her into this type of decision making prior to actively raising her attraction for you? Why are you so anxious? Relax, you don't need any kind of confirmations from her. Just get her out with you, PERIOD. Take it from there.

Instead of making the first date about "YOU AND HER" (We should hang out) . . . Focus on the OUTING ITSELF. Focus on a FUN EVENT. This elevates her emotions, relieves her of the high anxiety(relationship issue) zone but still keeps the "mystery" of what's going to happen up in the air.
Author:  The Jock [ Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Just reading this one guys, some good words. Finding myself knodding as I read.

I think girls take rejection worse than guys do or at least the thought of rejection. You turn a girl down and find her blabbering in your ear even more, shit I've even seen them try to twist it and make on they rejected you!
Author:  FormerD [ Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
im gonna see if i can set up a situation where a bunch of people are going for drinks then i'll give her a call... instead of making it a one on one situation which would probably be too serious for her to handle at this point...

thanks for the help guys... ive got a lot to learn
Author:  kasabi [ Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
im gonna see if i can set up a situation where a bunch of people are going for drinks then i'll give her a call... instead of making it a one on one situation which would probably be too serious for her to handle at this point...
Just to be clear . . . it's not the "one on one" or even the "ONE ON ONE" that freaks girls out. It's the VERBAL COMMITMENT to the "one on one" that messes up some chicks. Don't give "non-logical" beings an opportunity to mess themselves over with questions of logic. This is like tossing an 8 year old a bunch of ingredients, a sharp knife and yelling, "Hey, go make yourself some pork chops buddy . . ."

So it is OK and actually GREAT to ask to go out "one on one". I would advise against taking her out to group outings. You're basically telling her, "You're just like anybody else" or "I have no balls" . . . and when you're out on the date, you couldn't exactly escalate comfortably in front of acquaintances.

Focusing on the fun doesn't mean you have to go to a party.

"Hey, you ever been to the _____ bar? I've heard that they make mai tai's better than the ones in Hawaii. . . blah, blah, blah . .. I've been meaning to go, blah, blah, blah . . . Hey, let's check it out on Friday for a mai tai or five . . . blah, blah, blah. . ." - Simple, easy, fun.

There's no creepy, "Let's chill . . .or hang out . . ."

There's no pompous, "I will now reward you with my High Definition TV Status and allow you to follow 5 feet behind me as I enter the grand halls of the Beer lounge."

There's no jittery, "Ehmm. . . will you go out with me? You know, as friends but maybe something more but I'll give you time to decide call me whenever . . . OK . . .Bye . .. call me. . "

It's really just soooooooo simple as long as you keep it simple.
Author:  FormerD [ Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
"Hey, you ever been to the _____ bar? I've heard that they make mai tai's better than the ones in Hawaii. . . blah, blah, blah . .. I've been meaning to go, blah, blah, blah . . . Hey, let's check it out on Friday for a mai tai or five . . . blah, blah, blah. . ." - Simple, easy, fun.
actually i think this is similar to how i put it the first time i asked her except she already knew the bar (she always mentioned it to me, i took it as if she wanted me to take her there) and i said "I've never been to __bar, i was thinking of checking it out on Friday, wanna come for a few drinks?"... but i got the no response...
Author:  kasabi [ Thu Feb 25, 2010 1:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
^That's fine. Just call her back another time like nothing happened and repeat the process.
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