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Are My Standards Too High?
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Author:  Grape [ Fri Jan 01, 2010 2:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Are My Standards Too High?
Ello, since it's new years (happy new years everyone!), I've been making some resolutions and I came across noticing that I had less women that usual in my life in 2009.
I believe it's because I was extremely successful in closing in 2008 and by 2009 I felt "completed and accomplished". I also started being able to judge people a whole lot better and looking into their insecurities.

Now, I won't go near some of the girls I used to game.
I'd like a girl who's intelligent, drug free, playful, sexually mature, and confident.
Is that so much to ask for? It really doesn't seem like it.

Anyhoo, I'm either BSing myself into rejecting women from anxiety, I'm simply not digging deeper into my targets, or there's something with my standards that's holding me back.

But here's the thing, I value my standards. I don't want to change them because I really think that they're perfect for me.

What do you think?
<33
Author:  Grape [ Sun Jan 03, 2010 3:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
rawrrr help me
Author:  Female*Artist [ Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
No it's not too much to ask for. But if you want a girl who's intelligent then expect her to be your match. Some men ask for intelligence then they don't like it and are intimidated - it depends though - higher I.Q is different from emotional intelligence. I have no idea what you're like with women but if you want an intelligent woman be prepared that she *might* be more demanding and won't stand for bullshit.

It sounds like to me that you might prefer dating women in their late 20's or over 30 years old - why not try it? :) Depends in which circles you socialise in it might be difficult to get someone who's drug free :? Unfortunately that problem is getting more common now.

Confident in which way? Socially confident? A lot of women can vary in this - unfortunately my experience so far has made me think that a lot of women are riddled with insecurities - mainly affecting body image and social issues. Someone could could be vain, look like supermodel and seem confident, but she might ring you if you're out of the house for more than an hour to snoop on you becuause she has issues.
Quote:
I'm simply not digging deeper into my targets, or there's something with my standards that's holding me back.
I'm trying to read between the lines here, becuase I obviously don't know you personally so I'm going to make some asumptions now.

The sentence quoted above reveals part of what you're doing wrong. In my eyes, your standards are at odds with your behaviour - so yes your standards are exactly what are holding you back - but not in the way that you initially thought they were.

Digging deeper into your targets? Consider what you just called your potential casual date or new girlfriend - a target. If she is your target does this mean that she is your prey, or victim then? LOL!!! ;p Do you think an intelligent girl with be ok with this?

Again, I don't know you do I can only make presumptions. But if you expect to get a girl with all the qualities listed above, you might first need to change your approach, or behaviour.

This is a different situation from yours maybe, but a male friend of mine loved mature women - he said he wanted a woman who was strong, independent and confident. BUT, he always played mind games and tested them - like he wouldn't phone them for a week and a half to 'test' them, to see how they reacted. He would be demanding and obsessive when they didn't want to spend every day with him. Then he would come complaining to me saying he couldn't find a woman who was strong and confident.

My reply was that he's probably found plenty - the ones who all dumped him!!! The women who waved goodbye when he did his childish 'tests' on them. They could see through his behaviour straight way, and didn't want to be a part it.

The qualities you listed are very realistic, but are you looking in the wrong places? You might want to branch outside of your social circle or try different settings. For example, if you usually meet girls in loud clubs who like to party, have to tried to meet them in coffee shops or cafes?
Author:  redroooster [ Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
First place to look is within yourself

My guess is that you have reached a stage in your game where you need to take it up a level and you are getting AA over the next stage you must go to. Purely guess work though
Author:  redroooster [ Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Get over yourself.

It took me a while to understand that above comment. But when I did, this problem faded away.
lot of comments above, which one?
Author:  Bonita [ Mon Jan 04, 2010 5:54 am ]
Post subject: 
I definitely do not think your standards are too high. Female Artist mentioned something that I want to expand upon. She said if you want someone with intelligence, expect them to be your match.

Hobbit and I were chatting earlier about women who have an abundance of men. Women who have this abundance have the opportunity to be highly selective of whom they choose. Because they can be so selective, you know the competition is high and that in itself fuels attraction for her. Most men would probably say that the qualities you listed above are found in high value women. So that implies two things:

1. That woman you are looking for is not the majority of women. IF she were the majority, there would be plenty of her and she wouldn't be so high value. Like diamonds, the industry controls the abundance of diamonds so they seem rare and that makes them sought after.
2. When you find that girl you aren't going to be the only one after her. She won't put all her eggs in one basket; if you don't have your act together, she won't stick around and give you a chance.

The very fact that you are creating standards (especially high quality standards) should tell you that finding this woman should not and will not be easy to find. But that rarity makes it worth it. But be willing to pay the price and work hard if you want the reward. A high value woman who knows what she wants won't just fall into your arms....she is going to make sure you are right for her.
Author:  Grape [ Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
I suppose I did not explain myself clearly enough haha.

Female Artist, I love you just for calling me out on using the term target. I hate it. But it's the lingo to use in this community Dx

anyhow, I'm in High School, just incase you didn't know. I am not intimidated by smarter women xD if not even proud.

When I say confident, I simply mean she respects herself and also that she is socially well adapted and actually knows how to have fun with new people along with the old.


lately, I have been losing motivation to meet new girls because it's been so hard to find someone like this no matter how hard I tried. I was almost on the verge of simply not trying anymore until a friend told me "Motivation can be learned."
He further explained to me that I can find motivation after getting to know someone.
It's completely true I believe. Many people have shells and I just haven't been digging deep enough into all my "targets".



Anyhow, I wouldn't test women and give em shit tests just to see how they react. That's being insecure right there.

I simply want to be able to meet a girl, start joking and laughing with her, get into deeper conversation that she'll contribute to rather than saying "haha, welll idk..."

High school girls. Seriously. It's rare to come across high school girls who think about things bigger in life than volleyball and parties.

In case you haven't read my articles, a lot of 'em deal with philosophical concepts and you would be able to tell that I'm very heavy on philosophy and individual thinking. I simply want to meet my match.
Author:  Grape [ Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes, I really am bumping. I really want help. I'm this desperate. I don't care. I just want to solve this.
Author:  Ciornia [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
lately, I have been losing motivation to meet new girls because it's been so hard to find someone like this no matter how hard I tried.
You seem to have fallen into a scarcity mindset similar to one-itis. Except that in your case, there's not even an actual woman causing the limiting outlook. Rather, there's a theoretical, highly idealized phantom. You have a case of phantom-itis.

The sort of woman you describe is not easy to find, as Bonita pointed out, but you will meet many such women. It just may take a little time.

Short term: take a deep breath, envision abundance, and go out and meet new women. Stay open-minded to all possibilities, but, if you're not already, consider focusing on older women.

Long term: I don't know where you live, but, after biding your time until the end of high school, you may want to move to a place like London, Paris, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, or New York. In those cities and at least a dozen others, women like the one you have in mind roam the streets in droves -- great big herds and flocks of them running wild, hair to the wind.

Hope this helps. Good luck, Grape.
Author:  Grape [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay, thanks.

I guess I'll have to keep trying.

And Hobbit, I'll try to get over it.
<33
Author:  Foxtrot 5 [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Having high standards makes you more high value.... it's the same with me. I need a girl that makes me go WOW. Your fine dude.
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