I had this problem BAD when I was younger, and still have it occasionally, but it is going away. They say if you have many or a few older siblings, that you don't tend to to talk as much, because they did all the talking for you as a child. But you can't go back in the past and change that, so lets see what you can do.
In order to fix this, lets look at the reasons most people don't talk very much, or are shy:
- 1. They don't see the need to talk. This is quite common. If someone doesn't feel like they need to talk, why should they waste their voice?
2. They over analyze. People don't want to make themselves sound stupid, because naturally we want to sell ourselves to the opposite sex, and to do this we have to look good, and what better way to stay safe in the eyes of others than to remain completely silent? The mentality is, nothing comes out of my mouth, bad or good.
3. They don't want to be judged. This is very similar to the second point. People feel that if they talk, other people won't like or appreciate what they have to say.
4. Lack of confidence. Most people say things they believe, or things they are confident saying. If you lack confidence, then you lack the ability to say things you are confident about. This is the root of the problem.
You can probably choose one or two of these reasons that apply to you. I know the main one that applied to me and still does sometimes is the second one. I tend to think way too much about what I say, and this causes me to over analyze and not say anything, or just say simple things and agree. This does not mix well with game.
Lets fix these issues, one by one.
- 1. Find a reason to talk! It may seem general, but if you find your voice, if you find what you feel strongly about, you should also look for the ability to speak out and express what you have to say. Your voice matters, whether you like it or not, and your opinion has value, in whatever the conversation, whether its about something as shallow as weather itself, or a deep conversation in philosophy class; whatever it is, you know you have opinions. The main idea here is, speak your mind! Holding yourself back only creates barriers, and not just in the social section of your life. Find a reason to talk, because when you do, you won't believe what you were missing out on.
2. This topic applies especially to me, so I can take my own advice in this one as well. Over analyzing is caused simply by the fear that you lack value in the eyes of others. If you feel that others don't approve of what you will say, or if you feel that you have to prove something every time you talk and that everything you say has to be funny and witty and comical and profound and meaningful, then you tend to monitor your speech and consider every single word that comes out of your mouth. This puts a barrier over your ability to converse, and if you suffer from this then your conversations will tend to be limited and boring. In fact, by trying to maintain value by not talking, you are in reality decreasing value. The main method of increasing perceived value by the opposite sex is through escalation of conversation, and utilizing methods such as those put forward in game.
3. This parallels with the whole idea of feeling undervalued, and having low self esteem. Often people that are affected by this problem also suffer from number 4. which we will get to in a minute. The solution to this problem is just getting over that wall you have built, with all the graffiti on it saying 'DANGER: People will not like you if you jump over this wall" and "Keep out, trespassers will be judged, persistence will be judged again". Erase this mental wall and step out of your boundaries. This wall is built by you. There is no avoiding being judged, it is a sad fact of human reality and human nature, and there is no avoiding it. It is part of our society. Big deal. Accept that fact, and move on. Be who you are, and who you want to be. If other people openly criticize you for what you say, then they themselves are probably suffering from some kind of low self esteem, something worse than any of these problems. But if you step over that wall, you will be surprised at how kindly people take to those who are good conversationalists.
4. Lack of confidence is an issue all on its own, and I think most of us (on this site and in the world in general) have had this at some point. It touches on all of the previously mentioned problems, and the solution is a combination of all the previously mentioned solutions. But you have to understand that confidence is universal in terms of the human mind, and is reflected in many ways, but one of them is through body language, and the reflection goes both ways. If you are confident within, it will show in your body language. Likewise, if you show confident body language, you will become more confident within, like magic. Just like how if you smile, you become happier. Same effect. Try walking with a strut, always have a positive, confident smile on, look people in the eye as they pass by, and acknowledge them with a 'hey' or a nod, keep your head up, walk 20% faster than you normally do, etc. There are so many ways to improve confidence that I can't touch on them all here, but if you search around (on this site and on google etc.) you will find many ways to improve confidence level.
Phew, that was long. But I really hope that helped you out, I know it helped me. Message me if you have any more questions.
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and yes I am the younger sibling.