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| Approach...wtf? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=543 |
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| Author: | stimboX [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 12:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Approach...wtf? |
Hope anyone can give me some ideas. I seem to have this one problem.When I go to clubs, I can't open sets. I don't know why.I actually don't know what I'm scared of.I can't even say hi to a girl walking by.  But if for example my wingman started a conversation, I have no problem.It's just that initial phase. Is there anyone that has some helpful tips that I could use to overcome this fear?? thx. |
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| Author: | Gogo [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | inner game |
stimboX Yur problem is a inner game one lol  i used 2 have the exact same problembut not any more i think opening is probly the easyest thing 2 do now  read the book The Art Of Approaching by thundercat its amazing fer this thing it only deals wit approaching |
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| Author: | stimboX [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 2:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
ok cool.thx, i'll check it out! It always seemed like I was the only one having that problem. 
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| Author: | Shaft [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
No man we have all been there. I am no expert, but I think its all just buried deep in your brain from your past experiences. Even though you think you are ready, deep down there is still that anxiety of approach. You just gotta rewire all those connection. But I also suggest reading that book. |
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| Author: | stimboX [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
alright, I'm half way through the book.It's given me a better idea of it.Still freaks me out though, but I took notes and will give it a try during the week! I kow it can't be that difficult.I'm fuming cause I've got so much material stuffed in my brain but have only done very little practical !!! Your advice on reading that book was good, I woul'dve never thought of that! |
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| Author: | sorin [ Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
stimbox... having courage doesn't mean there's no fear... it just means you realise how to control your fear... i still feel fear when i approach but the moment i make the first step towards her and i position myself in front of her my fear turns into excitement for being able to meet her and get to know her. a method that's good to use to destroy excuses is focusing on something in order to defocus your mind(get out of trance - the state where you recall a past negative memory of an approach or imagine yourself how bad it's going to be)... focus on the feeling your feet have when they touch the ground... focus on your breathing... out and in... and you'll relax and enjoy the moment, live in the moment... then as soon as you see your target head towards her and approach from the front... tell her you like her and you'll like to get to know her... the most honest way you can... and then lead the conversation and get to know her... it's easier than it sounds, trust me. you just have to get the practice, fail and fail some more in order to get the experience you need to tweak your approach... think of all the good reasons she'd like to get to know you... think of all the good times you could have together... motivate yourself cause if you don't do anything, she's not... and she might be a very special girl and you are losing a great opportunity to meet her... instead of punishing yourself for not doing anything even if ... your babbling, even if you piss your pants, just go there and talk to her... extend your confort zone... and during time it will be a lot easier, trust me. i've been there and that's how i went through. take care man and tell me how things are going. |
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| Author: | stimboX [ Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sorin. thanks for that.It's a different way of looking at the approach! I'll print it out so that I can make a mental note of it.I can see how easy it is when my friends are doing it, so I can imagine that it's not that difficult once you are over the whole thing! |
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| Author: | sorin [ Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
well done my friend... you've done the first step... it's not time to get to work and enjoy the learning experience and the hotties
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| Author: | whitesnake35 [ Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:31 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
It took me until age 30 to dare walk up to a girl in a nightclub and start a conversation. It's always been like an immense barrier, almost physical, that was preventing me just walking up and trying. Like you I didn't have so much problem when a girl initiated, but as we all know, unless you're famous or have got sexgod looks, that doesn't happen a lot. Lately, though I've made the breakthrough. The best piece of advice I've read on overcoming this barrier to approaching females is to start by asking as many women as you can an innocent question ie.'excuse me, have u got the time please?' At this stage don't worry about anything further than asking the question, simply ask as many as possible (i did over 100 in a day a few weeks ago). This should overcome your fear of walking up to women and opening your mouth. Gradually, you can add a more flirtatious line, for example 'I like your hair by the way'. Anyway, after doing this for a few weeks, I've gone from almost hyperventilating at the thought of approaching a woman, to being able to just walk up and start flirting with little hesitation or nerves. My actual conversation techniques are still pretty dismal, but this year I'm just focusing on utterly desensitising myself to approaching women. |
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| Author: | dorian [ Thu Aug 10, 2006 5:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Stimbox, I can feel your pain, but luckily I have improved a lot when it comes to approaching. I started by using body language, for example, standing straight (chin up) and having good shoes and being nicely dressed made me feel more confident, so I would then be cocky and funny to waitresess and girls who are working when I talk to them (the key is that in that situation they cannot slap you or tell you you are an idiot, but you can still get a sense if you are being cocky and funny in a god way). Then I would try to talk to ANY girl that was around me. Tonight, as I was standing close to a phone booth were a couple of girlfriends were making a call, I said Hi to a HB8 who was coming outside a building, she looked back, smiled and said Hi too. This was awesome. Just throw words, stand straight, and groom yourself. Shortly you will see the difference. With this sort of background opening a set shouldn't be all that difficult. walk cool, stand cool, do not cross your arms or hold your hands or put them in your pocket, LOOK like an alpha and you will suddenly begin to ACT like one. Good luck bro and thanks to Sorin for his post. we all learn from stuff like that. |
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| Author: | RecklessVic [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
try to amplify your state when your in the club. Start clapping with a friend yelling and keep amplifying it from there. for example: Have you ever noticed how when a group of people get loud in a bar everyone’s attention is directed towards them? have you ever been in that group? you quit caring what people think about you. try getting into this sate with your friends and approaching will be like Childsplay! seriously! you don’t even need to say anything to open. nothing! walk up look at her and your energy will make them giggle or just melt. this is the secret that i wish someone would have told me 5 years ago. As TD would put it you are the oak tree on the path to a good time and they are the squirrel playing in YOUR reality! |
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| Author: | fsidontknow [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
check out Ross Jeffries - unstoppable confidence. just focus on opening right now, getting that one sentence out to a girl. dont think about what is going to happen because you dont know what is going to happen and you might learn something, thats cool right |
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| Author: | d.humper [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Approach...wtf? |
Quote: Hope anyone can give me some ideas.
For me, I still have the same problem, except I can force myself to do it, here's how:I seem to have this one problem.When I go to clubs, I can't open sets. I don't know why.I actually don't know what I'm scared of.I can't even say hi to a girl walking by. But if for example my wingman started a conversation, I have no problem.It's just that initial phase. Is there anyone that has some helpful tips that I could use to overcome this fear?? thx. When theres stuff I need to do immediately, but I can't make myself do, I set rules in my mind. E.g. When my alarm clock is ringing, and I really gotta get up but I'm mad tired, I set up a 12 second rule. Right after I count 12 seconds in my mind, I have to get up. Just do the same thing. Do a 5 or 3 second rule... then count, 1.2.3. go for it! |
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| Author: | sorin [ Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Feel the fear and do it anyway... We all fell some sort of anxiety... with experience it's joy and adrenaline that you wish to do the HUNT.. the APPROACH... you like it... and gives meaning to the whole thing... Courage means to ignore the fear and do it anyway... just say the first thing... smile, go there and tell her you like her... and hold out your hand and say your name... from there anything can happen... are you a wizzard to know whether she'll like you or no? go out there and see and learn from every interaction with them go go! |
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| Author: | Smooth Operator [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 3:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Approach...wtf? |
Quote: Hope anyone can give me some ideas.
Well, actually there are two ways of seduction.I seem to have this one problem.When I go to clubs, I can't open sets. I don't know why.I actually don't know what I'm scared of.I can't even say hi to a girl walking by. But if for example my wingman started a conversation, I have no problem.It's just that initial phase. Is there anyone that has some helpful tips that I could use to overcome this fear?? thx. First when you meet girl on the street, in the supermarket, in the public transport, library or some other public place. Second when you meet girl in the club. That is absolutely another game. In the club I use body language instead of words. Disco gives you an opportunity to touch the girl right away. While dancing you appear in her sight and then you start touching her. I like to hug her waist from the back and then she starts bending down and shaking her ass. Then you can snuggle up to her tighter and you move together with her in a rhythm. After that you can take her to your table or to chillout, talk for a while and then bring her to your house. That is the way I do. Club seduction is the easiest, because practically everybody goes to club not just to dance, but to look for a piece of ass
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