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How do you take your mind off her?
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Author:  Clueful [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:07 pm ]
Post subject:  How do you take your mind off her?
I can't stop thinking about the girl I'm currently seeing occasionally. I always wanna see her and have to stop myself from calling/texting her. Although I don't think I ever have aha. Also is that bad? Not calling or texting her?

I really like her but I don't wanna be thinking about her all day. Because I like her so much I don't wanna GFTOW, I just don't want this burden. What can I do?
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
have you kissed her yet? where do you stand in terms of intimacy with her.
Author:  Clueful [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hugging, holding hands, that's about it. Oh, I partner-danced with her as well for a while.
Author:  Crowd [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:38 am ]
Post subject: 
This sounds like oneitus. The real cure is to get more numbers and have more girls to text and hang out with. Seriously, do it quick before you become needy and start conveying that in your texts. Even if your keeping an old fashioned perspective on this, your not doing anything wrong by flirting, talking, and hanging out with other girls.

Good luck bro!
Author:  Fizzer [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:48 am ]
Post subject: 
haha I had oneitis harsh last year. How did I get over it? it may sound lame, but I had school, so I made school the utmost priority and totally forgot about her. Also, another way is to find a character flaw in her. Look at the black, and not at the white. It works sometimes for me.
Author:  KristallNachte [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:55 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Look at the black, and not at the white. It works sometimes for me.
i personally am against that because it causes me to start devaluing her so that even if she's great, i don't want anything to do with her.
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 7:47 am ]
Post subject: 
how can you tell a guy he has oneitis when we have no idea how this girl feels about him...

clueful do you think she may like you? and have you even tried to make a move on her?
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
in terms on-itis sounds dumb :P i had one-itis 4 times.
most people who get one-itis :

Invested too much in the girl
Allowed themself to be emotional
Allow pressurizing themselfs '' if i don't take her someone else will''
No personal life , not many hobbies etc
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Allowed themself to be emotional
there is a difference between FEELING emotional and showing it. the former is something that is extremely hard to master. you cannot simply tell someone to not feel emotional about something.

but yes you can avoid these feelings coming on in the first place by initially not investing as much in her.

when someone close to you dies...do not tell me you will not feel emotional. its only human for us to do so and its needed. you cannot fight it, hide it, or pretend its not there... if you do, you will fuck yourself up eventually. deal with it.
Author:  TheJ [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
There is nothing wrong in being emotional. What is 'wrong' is letting your emotions take control of you. Strive to always control your emotions. This will allow you to let those that are helpfull or pleasant to you come out and keep in those that are not helpfull or pleasant.

Makes sense?

Master your emotions first before trying to influence emotions in others.
Author:  Clueful [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
how can you tell a guy he has oneitis when we have no idea how this girl feels about him...

clueful do you think she may like you? and have you even tried to make a move on her?
I know she likes me and I like her. I'm just being overly cautious because I don't want to f*ck things up now.

By the way she is a pretty insecure girl. Last week I went all AFC on her and told her how I felt and told her to make a decision. Since then we've been much closer, met up with her after college last week and we played around, hugged etc for a while. But like I said I really don't want to f*ck things up by boring her or contacting her too much. Thus I'm quite lost as to what my next move should be. Help? :shock:
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 7:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
There is nothing wrong in being emotional. What is 'wrong' is letting your emotions take control of you.
well said TheJ...i couldnt agree more.

Quote:
I know she likes me and I like her. I'm just being overly cautious because I don't want to f*ck things up now.

By the way she is a pretty insecure girl. Last week I went all AFC on her and told her how I felt and told her to make a decision. Since then we've been much closer, met up with her after college last week and we played around, hugged etc for a while. But like I said I really don't want to f*ck things up by boring her or contacting her too much. Thus I'm quite lost as to what my next move should be. Help? Shocked
ok well at least you realise telling her that you like her was a mistake....never tell her verbally, SHOW her by getting physical.

you say you are worried about fucking things up by boring her etc...this is the complete opposite mindset to what you should have. if you worry about it youre going to be over cautious and you will fuck things up.

Think like this rather...you are the shit...she is lucky to have a stud like you after her...you are interesting, confident, charming and you are able to entertain the f*ck out of her when you ever want...at will. if things dont work out with her for what ever reason...SO WHAT!!! there are PLENTY more like her (and better) which would be more than ecstatic to have a finely tuned machine like you in their lives... and that is fact!

Be a man about it...say what you want when you want (within reason and of course respect her). do not be worried about offending her...seriously...you can get away with alot more than you think you can..as long as you convey you are playing around with her, she'll love it...it shows you have balls and dont need validation from anyone. you run your life like you want to run it...and aint nobody gona stop you.

One last thing...TEASE her...alot....i have come to realize that this is probably the single most important thing when creating attraction (for me anyway). you want to have a fun and playful vibe going at all times.

seriously mate, dont take it as seriously as you are currently...its really not a big deal...have fun.

and if she likes you and you know it...kiss her as in yesterday! the longer you wait, the more chance you have of getting into the friend zone... step up and show her what youre made of mate.

good luck and let us know how it go's.
Author:  Clueful [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I know she likes me and I like her. I'm just being overly cautious because I don't want to f*ck things up now.

By the way she is a pretty insecure girl. Last week I went all AFC on her and told her how I felt and told her to make a decision. Since then we've been much closer, met up with her after college last week and we played around, hugged etc for a while. But like I said I really don't want to f*ck things up by boring her or contacting her too much. Thus I'm quite lost as to what my next move should be. Help? Shocked
ok well at least you realise telling her that you like her was a mistake....never tell her verbally, SHOW her by getting physical.

you say you are worried about fucking things up by boring her etc...this is the complete opposite mindset to what you should have. if you worry about it youre going to be over cautious and you will fuck things up.

Think like this rather...you are the shit...she is lucky to have a stud like you after her...you are interesting, confident, charming and you are able to entertain the f*ck out of her when you ever want...at will. if things dont work out with her for what ever reason...SO WHAT!!! there are PLENTY more like her (and better) which would be more than ecstatic to have a finely tuned machine like you in their lives... and that is fact!

Be a man about it...say what you want when you want (within reason and of course respect her). do not be worried about offending her...seriously...you can get away with alot more than you think you can..as long as you convey you are playing around with her, she'll love it...it shows you have balls and dont need validation from anyone. you run your life like you want to run it...and aint nobody gona stop you.

One last thing...TEASE her...alot....i have come to realize that this is probably the single most important thing when creating attraction (for me anyway). you want to have a fun and playful vibe going at all times.

seriously mate, dont take it as seriously as you are currently...its really not a big deal...have fun.

and if she likes you and you know it...kiss her as in yesterday! the longer you wait, the more chance you have of getting into the friend zone... step up and show her what youre made of mate.

good luck and let us know how it go's.[/quote]
Thanks vision and everyone else. Reading all this has been very helpful and insiteful. I'll let you know how it goes.
Author:  Tudor1976 [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
To start with there is nothing but nothing wrong in being emotional. There is however a big BUT....

Women can be generally very strict and unforgiving when it comes to male behavior. For example when you have a chance to escalate physically with a woman and you don't then it can be very well be the first and last chance you get. Women are also very harsh and very decisive and will often ''sell' their boyfriend for someone just a bit shinier.

My point for all the above? Has she qualified herself to you? Is she shiny enough? (you get the general idea) You don't want to ruin your chances with her, and I can fully understand and respect that. But being afraid of an outcome that you do not yet have is like being afraid to get into the car because there is a chance that you might be involved in an accident. Life is all about taking risks and living it. Investing too much on a woman that is not yet your girlfriend can have the exact opposite effect. You become result dependent and therefore your behavior is vastly affected. You convey an image of wanting too much. And that is the exact state of mind that puts women off. Be the guy that knows what he wants and go out there and take it. And DON'T be afraid that you are boring her or anything of that sort. Believe when I say that until 2 years ago I was outcome dependent. I was worrying too much etc. just like you do. When I stopped worrying and exhibited that I was an Alpha male, things changed dramatically. Be that Alpha male and you will be able to have her.

Tease her, be challenging, be attainable and then unattainable. Let her come to you only to push her away then pull her back again. Become the prize for her. Be playful, enjoy the game. Being cocky also helps at times. Negging also helps a lot. It can do wonders. Have the attitude of the winner and you will become the winner. Be the man that is confident and positive about what he wants.
Author:  Tudor1976 [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
To start with there is nothing but nothing wrong in being emotional. There is however a big BUT....

Women can be generally very strict and unforgiving when it comes to male behavior. For example when you have a chance to escalate physically with a woman and you don't then it can be very well be the first and last chance you get. Women are also very harsh and very decisive and will often ''sell' their boyfriend for someone just a bit shinier.

My point for all the above? Has she qualified herself to you? Is she shiny enough? (you get the general idea) You don't want to ruin your chances with her, and I can fully understand and respect that. But being afraid of an outcome that you do not yet have is like being afraid to get into the car because there is a chance that you might be involved in an accident. Life is all about taking risks and living it. Investing too much on a woman that is not yet your girlfriend can have the exact opposite effect. You become result dependent and therefore your behavior is vastly affected. You convey an image of wanting too much. And that is the exact state of mind that puts women off. Be the guy that knows what he wants and go out there and take it. And DON'T be afraid that you are boring her or anything of that sort. Believe when I say that until 2 years ago I was outcome dependent. I was worrying too much etc. just like you do. When I stopped worrying and exhibited that I was an Alpha male, things changed dramatically. Be that Alpha male and you will be able to have her.

Tease her, be challenging, be attainable and then unattainable. Let her come to you only to push her away then pull her back again. Become the prize for her. Be playful, enjoy the game. Being cocky also helps at times. Negging also helps a lot. It can do wonders. Have the attitude of the winner and you will become the winner. Be the man that is confident and positive about what he wants.
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