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Just tried to kiss girl. Unsuccessful. Advice from here.
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Author:  chairs missing [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:23 am ]
Post subject:  Just tried to kiss girl. Unsuccessful. Advice from here.
Hi I am brand new to posting on this forum but I have been reading posts for about a month or so. So this is kind of a long story but hopefully I can put my situation into perspective. I have been friends with this girl, lets call her Erika, for about a year. At the time when I met her I was already involved with a girlfriend. I and my girlfriend broke up about 2 months ago and I have been seeing multiple girls since then. This girl Erika has always been on my radar and we've hung out occasionally to play music together. We have recently started a band together and it has been going very well.

Occasionally, she will invite me over to hangout with her in a non-musical context and on one of these occasions I spent the night and I cuddled with her the whole night and got into some kino. Touching arms, legs etc. She had some things come up the next week we didn't see each other. After that we started playing music more seriously and didn't get to hangout outside of this context for awhile. So just yesterday she invited me over to hangout. So we hangout and chilled together she painted and I got into some photoshop stuff. At the end of the night I asked her if I could crash 3AM and she said yeah. So we slept next to each other while watching some videos on the internet and I commenced kino until we were both asleep (timing wasn't right for further escalation). Now in the morning we hungout a bit more I continued kino until I was touching her legs and body freely (back of her neck, torso, arms). After playing a board game while eating some food. I caressed her neck a bit more and went in for a kiss. I was rejected and surprised with a "what are you doing?". I didn't say anything for a sec and then she brought up that she likes my ex and doesn't want to upset her. I said "I guess I can respect that". I left her place not long after that citing that I needed to get some stuff done but "I still want to play music" (which is more important to me than having a relationship with her). I tried to play it cool but I am sure I looked a bit bummed out.

I obviously read her wrong somewhere (she wasn't very touch back to me but she has stated before that she isn't very touchy and needs a guy to make the moves). I basically just want to maintain my dignity and keep playing music with her. I haven't said anything outside of what I posted here but am wondering if I should do something else or just play it cool like nothing happened and continue with the music. I would like to have the physical aspect as well because we get along very well but after this I am not thinking that will pan out. Can it? So is there anything I should say or do how should I conduct myself in the near future (gonna see her tomorrow probably).

This is a weird situation for me. I totally expected her to go for it and was very shocked she didn't. I had my hands all over her. I don't know. Help me out I'm a newbie haha! Sorry for the length of this post.
Author:  garuda1 [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 12:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Get past the resistance
Dude, she clearly is comfortable with you to be able to allow to to escalate kino. She just had to resist your move. It's almost very common for girls to do that. I was playing with some girls tits in the cinema but when it came to kissing she stopped me to tell me she was kinda seeing someone else but I just smiled and said 'well you should have said something' and went for the kiss anyway.

I think for her own integrity your target had to show some form of control and resistance, but you have to overcome it! I dunno how exactly you can do that but I can tell your in with a chance hopefully (judging by all the signs).

Hopefully a more experienced person will be able to tell you how to take it from here.
Author:  chairs missing [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:20 am ]
Post subject:  more stuff...
so i hung out with her again later in the evening as I left some stuff there I needed to get. We got some food and watched some T.V. I think I did a good job of coming off in good spirits but I didn't use any Kino. I left early and she seemed like she wanted me to stay but not totally sure. I am gonna see her in a few hours. Should I continue with kino or freeze her out more? I plan on coming off in high spirits. Thanks in advance. And thanks Garuda I think that is good advice.
Author:  DonPua [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: more stuff...
Quote:
so i hung out with her again later in the evening as I left some stuff there I needed to get. We got some food and watched some T.V. I think I did a good job of coming off in good spirits but I didn't use any Kino. I left early and she seemed like she wanted me to stay but not totally sure. I am gonna see her in a few hours. Should I continue with kino or freeze her out more? I plan on coming off in high spirits. Thanks in advance. And thanks Garuda I think that is good advice.
You should just keep on going with the kino. But don't try to kiss her. One of the techniques that I know off is the technique in which you pretend to be more girly than the girl. So for example, if she makes eye contact with you for some seconds, you tell her: "Don't even think about that. Today, no kissing between us is gonna happen. We don't know each other long enough for that.". This is a technique that some guy from RSD uses to destroy last minute resistance. When they start making out and the moment comes to have sex, he says: "We have to stop. We still don't know each other well enough to do this.". According to him girls will suddenly be begging for having sex. I never tried this technique though, but it makes sense. Good luck with her.
Author:  BadolzoN [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Always use kino.

Start off small and ladder yourself up to higher kino escalations.

No kino is BAD.

If you work your kino right you can end up making out with a girl you just met (mutually comfortable) within 30 minutes.

Don't listen to Don he's just spitting out facts he has no idea what to do.

Push-pull her, if she likes you hit on her.

Don't freeze her out if she wants to have sex (Like really wants to) or else you might not get any, period.

She might give up on you if you say stuff like that.
Author:  BadolzoN [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Also it's a good idea to keep escalating even if she's like "We can't have sex tonight"

Girls want to be taken hold of and lead.

Girls say "We can't have sex" because they want to not seem like sluts.

I'd suggest you listen to Nick Sparks he's good on this.
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You should just keep on going with the kino. But don't try to kiss her. One of the techniques that I know off is the technique in which you pretend to be more girly than the girl. So for example, if she makes eye contact with you for some seconds, you tell her: "Don't even think about that. Today, no kissing between us is gonna happen. We don't know each other long enough for that.". This is a technique that some guy from RSD uses to destroy last minute resistance. When they start making out and the moment comes to have sex, he says: "We have to stop. We still don't know each other well enough to do this.". According to him girls will suddenly be begging for having sex. I never tried this technique though, but it makes sense. Good luck with her.
this is an example of re-framing.....you are switching the perceived situation to her being the one pursuing you and not the other way round. If you do this right she will automatically shift into this role, and that is to be the one that wants to kiss YOU and not the the other way round. aside from this it also makes you a challenge.

you see if she is thinking about you making a move then a million and one things are going to go through her mind as she'll be wondering what she should do if you try, she will be pre-occupied with this thought..she will over analyze this and as a result there will probably be resistance when you do try...if you reframe it to her wanting to kiss you...well those 'nervous' thoughts will disappear and she will start thinking 'when i am i going to get the chance to kiss this guy!' get my drift? (ive had a few beers so if that didnt come across clearly...make what you can of it)

it is a tricky situation youre in as you dont want to ask her outright if you will EVER be able to kiss her because she 'likes' your ex. i would freeze her out on the kino for a while...normally i wouldnt say this but she made it clear that he aint going to kiss you...wait for her to initiate it or start giving further ioi's. if you continue kino shes just going to think youre on your way trying for a another kiss attempt. i think its time you make her react. if she likes you she will. mention some other girl youre interested in and wait for her to start asking you question about her etc etc. if shes into you will react. you want her to get to the point where she is thinking 'f*ck i like this guy and i may have blown it...i better do somethign about it before its too late;...and the ioi's will start from there.
Author:  Owinover [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
It could be a non-verbal shit test
Author:  chairs missing [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 12:08 am ]
Post subject:  Success!
Ok you guys are awesome. Seriously great advice. So we hung out last night and it was a smashing success! After that hangout where I froze her out, we hung out and played some music together. During our session she was giving me IOI's and she started to give me kino, not something she has ever done before. So while we were listening to the song (which we were both extremely proud of), she was laying down in my bed. Not one to miss an opportunity i plopped myself down next to her and didn't really give much kino until we were there for awhile talking. I started kino and about 15 mins later she said she needed to leave. I told her she should stay and she obliged. We crashed out and the next morning i was giving her more kino and she said "you are making me very horny!". So i continued and eventually worked my way up to making out and fondling her breasts. Sweet success! She had to leave for work after that but we are gonna get together tomorrow.

Ok so my thoughts are: the freeze out was key. Not too long but enough to elicit IOI's from her which were the signal to try again. Also, being cool and fun the whole time. Hmmm. Also, the ex-girlfriend comment was just LMR.

So thanks for the advice guys in particular garuda1 for giving me the assurance that I was on the right track. I hope this story helps others. This forum is ruling!
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok so my thoughts are: the freeze out was key. Not too long but enough to elicit IOI's from her which were the signal to try again
spot on mate....she knew the ball was in her court after she denied your initial kiss. freezing her out puts the idea into her head that she fucked up and may lose out...this puts her into a situation where she MUST react in order to get you back. good work
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