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Going out alone tonight
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=46696		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  The Chef [ Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Going out alone tonight
Just need to bounce this off someone. Figured the forums would be a good place.

California Academy of Sciences has this nightlife event every thursday night, and I have been really interested in going for quite some time but have never been able to organize with my friends to go. So I am going tonight, alone.

This is not supposed to be a huge deal, but I can't help but feel the anxiety and nerves rush over my body as I print out the ticket I bought. I am really doing this. I just feel so loserish and douchy for having to go out by myself. It's supposed to be a sign of great confidence, but I keep feeling like it's going to be supremely uncomfortable.

It's supposed to be good for a man to go out solo and have a good time. I don't really need other people around me to have a good time. And I can meet new people, and that's something I have been wanting to do for awhile now.

I am going to go tonight. I have to. I owe it to myself to go and enjoy a night out. Even if it's alone. I just get scared. But that's all the more reason to do it.

I don't get it though. This never used to be me. I used to go out by myself all the time. I never used to be like this. Then suddenly, one serious relationship later, I just turn into a pile of nerves.

It sucks. I'll get over it I have to.

Thanks for Listening.

Temporarily,
The Chef.
Author:  FluffyG [ Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey man, i hope you have a great day! Me, myself don't have the balls to go out on my own. I get the same feelings you do. Some weeks ago i was so close to go to Star Trek alone just to get my confidence up, but it never happened.

Good Luck!
Author:  The Gamble [ Thu Jun 11, 2009 9:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Have fun with it man, we call know you can. Just keep smiling, no one will notice anything uncomfortable about you if you smile.
Author:  tweeby [ Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:55 am ]
Post subject: 
I've always been out alone at my lowest points. When everyone else was doing stuff. I forced myself to. Trust me, it's not so bad. It kinda forces you to open.

In fact I plan on going out alone tonight even though I have a very good project on the side that is potentially gf material.
Why? Because I don't care. Enjoy the process of going out. Don't let it be a chore. I think another trick for lone sarging is to open guys. Gunwitch method also works perfectly for lone sarging!
Author:  The Chef [ Fri Jun 12, 2009 4:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think i found a gold mine (for any of the guys in SF). There was way more women than men there, easy, which is near impossible to find in San Francisco for some reason...

I think that's the most anxious, and alive, I've felt in a long time. I wish I could say I opened sets, but i didn't. I was pretty wrapped up in the idea of being alone. Although, as I was walking around i realized that it would have been really easy to play it off and act like my friends were just on the other side of the museum...there was a lot of people there. Never the less, I didn't manage to open anyone. I guess it was nerves. I can open just fine with friends, probably due to the morale boost and what not. For some reason I was just too in my head last night.

I kept thinking that people were looking at me weird. When I look back objectively I am pretty sure I was projecting a lot of my insecurities outward and that might have made me look unapproachable, and like I was not enjoying myself. Not sure. I try to look at these things logically.

After the Academy I decided to go down to a Bar/Dive Club (The Holy Cow), where my buddy is a bouncer, He bought me a drink and I sat down and talked to the bartender for a bit. I apparently got recruited as a bouncer by the head of security. lol

As people started trickling in, I got some good looks from the girls but eventually, the idea of being solo got in my head and I stopped myself from going to talk to people. I didn't even dance tonight, and I am usually all about that.

I guess I was in bad form. Psyched myself out.

First steps are the biggest. I am definitely going back to the Academy again though. There were so many beautiful women, it was hard to keep track.

I think i might take some bouncer shifts too. Up the "social proof"

Thanks.

- La Chef
Author:  [Vegas] [ Fri Jun 12, 2009 4:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
That nervous feeling will fade over time (no matter the length) and by you forcing yourself to just go and do it and step out of your element. It was great that you were able to at least get yourself to go out and surround yourself in a different environment than you were used to... like you put your toes in the water to test the temperature, now the only way to get your whole body used to it is to just jump in; once you are in, you will have a nice little swim. It's also good that you are looking back and are realizing what you felt you did wrong. Now that you have figured that part out, just work on it by going out more.
Author:  catalyst1 [ Fri Jun 12, 2009 5:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm kinda in the same boat. I really want to go to this music gig tomorrow night but its a really niche type of music (dubstep) so none of my friends want to go. I think it would be even worse for a small gig (100-200 people) as no one would be talking as much and everyone would be in their groups beforehand. I'm not going to sarge but just to enjoy the music. I can't see myself plucking up the courage to go though.
Author:  Liquid_Steel [ Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm kinda in the same boat. I really want to go to this music gig tomorrow night but its a really niche type of music (dubstep) so none of my friends want to go. I think it would be even worse for a small gig (100-200 people) as no one would be talking as much and everyone would be in their groups beforehand. I'm not going to sarge but just to enjoy the music. I can't see myself plucking up the courage to go though.
I know exactly what you mean!

I really love metal, and all these bands come here, but none of my friends want to go. I would go out by myself, but I feel awkward and looserish if I were to do that. but then again, I would be a bigger loser for just staying at home. We just gotta get out there!

You too Chef!

Just about all of my friends have girlfriends, so that forces me to sarge by myself (Still getting over AA) But I have been going out to stores, and trying. It still feels awkward, but I don't regret doing it.
Author:  stevo91 [ Sat Jun 13, 2009 4:59 am ]
Post subject: 
I remember the first time i went to a night club i was alone and was very nervous but it made me become social and to interact with people who i had never met.
Author:  Cowpoke [ Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:56 am ]
Post subject: 
Interesting read Chef, I too went out by myself Thursday night with not a friend in tow. I'm sure at the museum there were interesting things to look at and do while you were there to occupy you from being the lone guy standing by himself or the lone single guy making laps through the crowd.

I'm new to pickup, it was interesting almost critiquing myself while I was out alone. Though I must say I was kind of cheating when I say I went out alone because it was to a bar I frequent quite often and I knew a few girls that I've chatted with in the past would be there so I knew I could fall back on them for conversation or dancing at the least. Maybe I should be more ballsy like yourself and try out a new event and do it solo.

Chef, would you go out to any other event by yourself?

While at the museum like you said it could be easy to pretend that your friends were just on the other side of the crowd, but what about in a somewhat small bar scene?

cheers,
Author:  antic [ Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
I drove 1200km to see some bands the other week. No one I knew could get time off work. It was a mad weekend. I met up with the two guys who were really good naturals. They outgammed me that weekend. Both of them got #closes and I came away with nothing. It was funny as, I taught them a bit of game too (even so they didn't need it).

It's good to go out alone. It forces you to step out of your comfort zone and meet new people. It's easy for me because I'm happy to be in my own company.
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Another advantage of going out alone is that you dont have to explain any kind of behaviour later, and you dont have to care about leaving your friends alone while you make out with a girl...
Author:  catalyst1 [ Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well after all that I didn't go to the gig. It wasn't really because a didn't want to go alone just because it didn't really work out. Some of this advice is gold though and it will definately a goal of mine to go out alone in the near future.

Oh and Chef, sorry for kinda hijacking your thread!
Author:  Troutbum83 [ Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:55 am ]
Post subject: 
GO out alone and have fun. And make sure you engage other males at the bar. It will give you social proof, and people to BS with while you scan for sets. And NO ONE knows your solo EXCEPT yourself. So dont let it eat you, and use it to your advantage. No mates to have to be time constrained to, or have to justify yourself to, and if you get blown out or eject, only you will know.
Author:  Rhythmatic [ Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Think of it as playing a video game in single player mode with bots. :)
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