With the school year coming to a close, I've thought about things that have happened during the past several months. While most of it was good (landing an internship,doing well in classes, keeping in shape, etc.), I've hit the doldrums when it's come to my social life - particularly with women. This could revive soon because I'm 20 turning 21 soon, but it sparked a few thoughts/topics of conversation I wanted to post here:
1.) I've noticed a disturbing slope of which girls have rejected me over the past year (I'll give you the prime examples). A year ago, I got the LJBF speech...fine. About 7 months ago, a girl canceled a date and apologized with what seemed to be a valid excuse, we set up another date, and she stands me up. Four months ago, a girl I got to know last semester pretended to be sick over the phone to cancel a date, then made an obviously-fake excuse the next time. After that, we lost contact - I haven't even seen her all semester. Just a couple weeks ago, a girl who I had a great conversation with at a party (lasted 20-25 mins) has simply ignored me when I've tried to contact her. This one has legs because she's working for me next year due to power ranks in an extra-curricular, so that will be interesting. What's happened recently coincides with no girls responding to anything I do, whether it's a brief facebook post, a call/text, or any girl even initiating a conversation! Nothing I say is screaming desperation or anything like that, and I know my game has definitely improved over the past year, although it's not near perfect. However' I'm stumped about why things here continue to slide, not rise. I've seen quiet guys, shy guys, nervous guys, guys who could really use some grooming and hygiene, selfish guys, rude guys, etc. do just fine when it comes to simply COMMUNICATING with a girl, even at the most basic stage. For whatever reason though, I simply feel...irrelevant.
2.) I learned that if girls - commonly in a class - act coldly towards you, it might be because you are actually better than them. It might not be something bad you're doing!
I know that sounds very conceited, but I've asked a couple of intelligent friends about the situation in some of my classes and they brought up some good points. My public speaking class is the case in point. I have a lot of experience speaking in front of others and it's nothing new. For the first third of the semester, when I got off to a good start, I couldn't get any reaction out of the girls in the class. Not a "good job" or a "Hey what's up" - nothing. The next third of the semester, as everyone's speech grades improved due to tips from the professor, I was able to get responses from the girls much more easily. Sometimes, they were even coming up to me to talk or to compliment my speeches! However, the final third of the semester featured speeches where we had to innovate and make things our own due to very similar topics the Professor gave us (so it really tested us). To separate myself from everyone else, I brought out the props, the theatrics and all my other tricks at this time. All of a sudden, I was getting the cold shoulder again. My roommate came up with this conclusion: girls will compliment and act nicely towards those who seem "below" them. Guys who can trump them on things like this when they put in the effort, girls tend to act more negatively to out of envy. Perhaps I was doing something unintentionally that rubbed them all the wrong way as well...I have no idea.3.) My tip to you guys for this post...accept being the "target" and the "bull's eye" - if you can handle it. One other thing I have learned this semester is that it's better to be the one everyone is gunning for rather than just "one in the bunch" - you're the leader. I feel it pushes you to do your best because you know that people are waiting for you to make that one mistake so they can swoop in. However, it's a double-edged sword. In social situations, it makes you the target of c*ck-blocking, spite and a possible scapegoat if something goes wrong in a group. If you can overcome the adversity, you're stronger than any of them. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it's actually a compliment that they're so focused on you...it means they see you as the threat or the one to beat.
If you have any solution to the puzzling situation of topic #1 and any thoughts on topics #2 and #3 here, I would really appreciate it.
I feel I present myself just fine; I'm not stumbling, mumbling or looking away, and I feel I have strong conversation skills and good wit. My sticking point is immediately building escalation, but I don't feel that would be a major reason why I'm going from actual rejections to simply no response at all - especially when my game has improved.