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My Ex BoyFriends Bitch Sheild/LJBF
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Author:  BunnyBaby [ Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  My Ex BoyFriends Bitch Sheild/LJBF
I like my ex boyfriend. :oops:

We broke up a little over a year ago, and I think we're finally friends now. He finally got rid of his gf but now he's dating another girl who is a total fug/warpig, and I can't see this relationship lasting very long. Besides, I have no inhabitions about "breaking up" a couple :twisted: . So I have two main obsticales now:

1.) He has a bitch shield.
By "bitch sheild" I mean he'll get really pissy about really small things.
Last semester when I was around him if we actually talked he would either have fun and sem to be happy alking to me or just get mad about something stupid I said (about 50/50)
It only seems to go up around me. I haven't set it off in a long time though, but I want to avoid it and learn how to disarm it. Is it the same as with chicks, and do negs work on guys?

2.) I'm afraid of being in the "friend zone"
we don't have any classes together so I haven't talked to him much this semester, but I think we're friends now. I don't want to stay in the "friend zone". I have to flirt with him, but I can't be to over-the-top because the only time I get to talk to him is breakfast, and the warpig sits beside him then (plus three other guys that I'm working on sit at that table in the morning)

I'm working on raport so I can call him (no warpig in the way) with out it being akward.

I'm mostly worried about the bitch shield, and learning if stuf like "negs" work on boys.
Author:  Bonita [ Sun May 03, 2009 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Negs don't really work on guys. When someone insults a guy, he doesn't pine for their attention and try to seek approval (women do this). They shut that person out, and that is not what you want. Women develop their image of self worth based on whether they are accepted by society or not.

As for your ex-boyfriend issue...first, I think you need to assess the situation objectively. He is your ex for a reason. Are these feelings true or do you like him because you see him dating other girls now and it makes you jealous. It is called social proof, and when a guy is seen dating or surrounded by women, his value goes up and women want him more than before.

Assuming that you think that through and you still decide that you want this guy....you definitely have to spend time with him away from his girlfriend. But keep in mind if you want to date him again....if he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you, he will be willing to leave you for another girl. And think of how you will feel then. But anyway, don't flirt with him too much in front of his gf. She will recognize this and then be keeping an eye on you. So if she finds out you two have been hanging out in the future she will try and sabotage you two. Then once you finally have alone time with him, you will have to amp up the flirting. Getting a guy turned on is rather easy....you just can't play the friend role because then he will treat you like a friend.
Author:  BunnyBaby [ Mon May 04, 2009 9:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah I kinda figured negs wouldn't work to well. The closest thing to a neg I've ever seen work on a guy is teasing, which isnt the same thing.

Yeah, I know I should look at it objectively, I'm usually good at that, but I've always had a hard time being objective with this guy.

I don't like him because he has a gf, I never stopped liking him. At this point I am most of the way over him, there is one guy I like more, but circumstances wont let me be with this guy for a while.

Its really weird for me flirting with an ex...I'm good at getting guys, but I've never tried to get a guy back. I think hanging out with Steffen will help. He's an ex who startedhitting on me again, so that should help me get use to flirting with ex's. He's also Zach(ex bf)'s ex-best-friend, and part of the reason we broke up. I think he still gets jealous when we talk ;)
Author:  Memento [ Mon May 04, 2009 10:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
I doubt guys have a friend zone, and if we do, its hard to get in there.
To be honest, if your ex-BF is a bit of an AFC, wait for him to break up with this girl (if its going to happen anyway) then ask him to yours for a film and popcorn. Make a move and he should do the rest.

- Memento
Author:  Sinn [ Mon May 04, 2009 11:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Jealousy is the most potent tool in anyones arsenal.

I describe it as the most uncomfortable way of realizing that you like someone.

As man he will feel a sense of entitlement if he sees you talking/flirting with another guy. If you want him back, make him think he's lost you for good.

If you need a little extra help you might try making out with a girl in front of him. Sort of a, "look what you could have had/what I'll give you if you stick around" kind of thing.

It's always easier to do this type of stuff when there is no closure. Closure makes it extremely hard to woo someone back though so if you have it... you will have your work cut out for you.


S
Author:  kasabi [ Tue May 05, 2009 3:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Bonita is right on track here . . . only I think she's being quite gentle like the lady she is . . .

Regarding 1): If the guy is happy 50% and pissy 50% of the time you are together, what makes you think any of this will change just because you're fucking? This isn't a bitch shield at all.(Research "bitch shield". It doesn't apply here) What he is telling you is, "This is exactly how I will treat you when I am pissed. . . and holy shit, you piss me off half the time."

Unless you think he's managed to figure out some "evil game", where guys purposely act like assholes to fuck insecure chicks, believe me, there's nothing going on in his head other than him simply being happy with you 50% and pissy with you 50%.

There are two things going on here. You had him once . . . now you don't have him . . . and in fact, he's pissed half the time he's with you. Many girls in your situation would feel, "What's wrong with me? Why not love me? He did once!~ " You may be going down that path.

Secondly, why the hell would you want him back?

I always recommend to my female friends to "shit test" guys not for any other reason than to figure out his basic personality. How does he respond to negativity? How does he respond to humility? How does he respond to failure? Hell, anybody can be a "great person" when things are going well. But what happens if he loses a job? What happens if he has a bad day?

Well, it seems you already know what your ex would do to you. He will get pissy with you. So if you're ready to play the role of a human urinal, then go for it by all means because that's what you're going to get. Will the percentages change? Maybe. Will it get better or worse? How knows? Will he get rid of that shitty attitude 100%? Absolutely not even close.

Everybody makes mistakes in relationships and there can always be misunderstandings but nobody deserves to be pissed on for these things . . . Especially not from their significant others. Think about this one carefully.

The reason why most women either subconsciously or consciously respond well to guys who pass shit tests well is not just a confidence issue. Guys who naturally pass shit tests are easy going guys who won't sweat the little things. They won't go crazy, belittle you, or insult you if there is a disagreement or if things don't go his way.

Here's a sample quiz for you:

You tell a guy, "Wow, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard" . . .

Guy 1) "Fuck you bitch . . .whatever . . ."
Guy 2) "...." (Speechless)
Guy 3) "Well, I tried my best . . . so did you hear the joke about a duck who went to a bar?"
Guy 4) "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong? Shit, I guess I pissed you off."
Guy 5) "You are so lame sometimes! Jeeze!" (Then gives you the silent SPAM)
Guy 6) "Wow you're so sexy when you don't smile. Wanna kiss?" (After kiss. . ."Hey, hey. . . stop smiling! You're such a turn off!"

Who do you pick? There are no right or wrong answers . . . And in practice, women actively go after all different type of guys . . . but I suppose this is why some women are happier than others.

*The make out with another guy advice doesn't sound great at all. This might work on a guy she has just met. But with an ex who seems to have some issue with the OP, the "look at me tongue another guy" move would only shift his pissy/happy ratio to 90/10 from 50/50.
Author:  Jaybot [ Tue May 05, 2009 2:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
everyone above has nailed it, make sure you don't become the clingy ex just enjoy yourself and force him to but into your reality not the other way round. This said he sounds like a bit of a whiney guy so I would hunt for someone better
Author:  BunnyBaby [ Fri May 08, 2009 1:12 am ]
Post subject: 
I know "bitch shield" isn't the proper term, but thats the closest thing I could find...pluss I just like that word.

He hasn't been "pissy" to me since last semester, and he didn't act that way when we dated.

He's one of those guys who when I'm around him and he's happy it makes me feel really good, but when he's upset it makes me sad, even though he's not activly mean to me. The 50% of the time he was pissy, it was more a shift of his moods and I'd get upset at myself because I screwed up. When he was upset he would stop joking around with me and frown. He never said/did anything mean to me, though.

I was asking for advice on how to avoid pissing him off and how to calm him down when I hurt his feelings. I think I should avoid talking about our past relationship for now, and if I do, only good things.

I think he gave me IOIs during breakfast:
his gf was sitting beside him, I was sitting at another table beside his talking to a male friend, and he turned around and talked to me, facing me, and we talked for the rest of breakfast, he never turned back around to face and talk to his gf.

When he first turned around he made a joke about how he was eating his yogurt:
"Hey I get to torture her with this" *makes motion indicating gf* "and maybe you, too" *smiles while he looks at me then starts licking his yogurt*
(he was eating it just using only his tongue and doing it in a rather suggestive manner)

I found out the other guy I was talking to sometimes uses Zachs phone during school because he isnt allowed to take his to school. So I texted Zach's phone during first block asking who had it and Zach had it, and we texted during first block, part of lunch and a little after school =)
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