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Actually want a relationship with a certain girl now
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Author:  Jpatros [ Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:14 am ]
Post subject:  Actually want a relationship with a certain girl now
But there are some things in the way...

I believe this is the right place to post this. This is my first post. I just found this website on google looking for some advice.

For a long time I've just been fooling around with girls. Mostly because I never really found too many girls worthy enough to have a relationship with. I've fell for 3 girls my whole life, and right now the 3rd one is the one I'm really trying to make something happen with.

Long story short, I met her last year in another state (I'm moving there in May). Her and her boyfriend had broken up and she was always depressed and I felt bad for her so I talked to her for a long time to comfort her, and she ended up falling HARD for me because of that. She expected me to move back after a few months but it didn't happen so she let me go and we cut off contact. She met another guy in October, but things never took off with him because she went back to her ex. But to this day, she still likes the guy, and she's not over her ex (they broke up again in March).

So she found out I was moving back to her state and she tried talking to me more (let me add that I saw her again in December and we were still hitting it off....we always have chemistry.) I ignored her calls and texts for the most part to try to get over her but then last week I answered and we talked for 2 hours on the phone (something I normally don't do). I could EASILY tell she still had a thing for me. She would tell me what she likes in a guy, and a few moments later she would tell me that I have those qualities. Before we hung up, she told me "I feel like I can open up to you more than any other guy." It was also nonstop flirting too. She even mentioned a lot of things in the past that happened between me and her. Even the "freaky" things that me and her talked about back then.

But the fact is, she still likes the other guy a lot and still isn't over her ex. For you experts out there, what can I do when I move back to have her choose me over the other guy? And if possible, how can I get her over her ex? I've never had any experience with this because I normally deal with girls that I have no problem letting go of.
Author:  Johnny27 [ Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Your problem is exactly that! You care too much about the fact that you can lose her. And those thoughts are only limiting your ability to make her feel attracted towards you.


Forget about the ex. Treat her just like you'd treat another girl, be confident and make her feel attracted to you. If this happens, she will no more talk about the ex or any other guy.. She will be all over you.


And another thing. Talking too much on the phone and listening to her problems will lead you to the 'friends zone' and won't do anything for the attraction..


Hope this helps, feel free to ask for more advice!
Author:  Giovanni420 [ Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Your problem is exactly that! You care too much about the fact that you can lose her. And those thoughts are only limiting your ability to make her feel attracted towards you.


Forget about the ex. Treat her just like you'd treat another girl, be confident and make her feel attracted to you. If this happens, she will no more talk about the ex or any other guy.. She will be all over you.


And another thing. Talking too much on the phone and listening to her problems will lead you to the 'friends zone' and won't do anything for the attraction..


Hope this helps, feel free to ask for more advice!
Johnny put it in a very good way. Your just limiting yourself to one girl. And who cares about the ex. My grandpa said hes an ex for a reason, now x him out, and get with her.
Author:  Jpatros [ Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
To be completely honest...I'm not worried about the ex. I know for a fact they will NEVER work out (he's real abusive...mostly emotionally but he's hit her before too). But Giovanni, the only thing I'm wondering is how can I "x him out"...that's one thing I've never been able to do with a girl because I usually don't waste my time on girls that were in a long relationship knowing they're still not over their ex.

Johnny, I was planning on just doing exactly what you said ...basically just go out there and be the person that I was when I got her the first time. But then I found out she's real into this other guy. She likes him A LOT and he's playing it real good. He tells her he just wants to be friends now but he did admit he likes her. And it drives her crazy. So I feel like I need a different approach. I don't wanna be the BACKUP, I wanna be the one she prefers.

And Johnny, normally I always thought the same thing about the phone thing. but listen to this. When I met her, I wanted to only be her friend (we both did). I tried helping her out with advice about how to get over her ex and the type of guy she really needs, and she ended up falling for me. Can you explain how the hell that happened cause honestly I normally know what to stay away from when I talk to a girl I'm interested in, but in this case I wasn't interested so I didn't stay away from the subject of her ex, and she ended up really falling for me.
Author:  Giovanni420 [ Tue Apr 28, 2009 4:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Jpatros, for the first time in my life. and I mean this. I have nothing to say. I do have some advice though. Follow your gut man, 80% of the time its right. Do what you think you have to do. If you fall or fail your judged on how hard you hit the ground, but how fast you get up, and keep playing the game.
Author:  Jpatros [ Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh come o,n think for me!!! lol... I believe I just have to go for her but I just don't know how to win her over. I've never had anything like this happen before. I feel like it should be so easy since she fell for me hard before, but damn with another guy in the picture I don't know what to do.
Author:  Giovanni420 [ Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:38 am ]
Post subject: 
you gotta take out this guy somehow... neg the shit out of him
Author:  KristallNachte [ Tue Apr 28, 2009 3:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
you gotta take out this guy somehow... neg the shit out of him
that doesn't work dude

she'll get protective of him.


instead you reframe everything he does thats 'good boyfriend behavior' as being insecure and needy.
Author:  Giovanni420 [ Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lol good point.... I'm just used to taking down people who stand in my way... :)
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