PUA Forum :: Lack Of Social Circle/Loner's dilemma

Hey guys.I've got a bit of a troubling problem regarding game,and that's having a social circle.Hopefully some of you guys who can relate or know the cure can help me out...

(P.S:I apologize for turning my question into a long story.It seemed sensible to build the background so I can give you guys a better understanding)

I'm 18 years old,and just graduated from High School.I've probably read every book on the game there is out there,thanks to saving up cash(VAH,DYD,Juggler Method,The Game,Magic Bullets,etc...),but there's one common theme that all the books emphasized that gets me down at times:

Social Proof/Having a Social Circle.

Starting Freshman year,and lasting till about the end of junior year,I was a total AFC,maybe even worse.Because of how I was,I ended up living the life of a loner.I didn't really leave the house much,except when my friends would ask me to hang out or I'd go lifting.
I noticed,as time passed,that all my classmates were talking with girls,hanging out between classes,sitting at lunch,and I would be in the library,studying my ass off as usual to try to keep my mind off of the fact that I lacked social skills(Apparently,a 3.7 GPA cant get you pussy these days).

It sucked.

While I was a freshman,I was able to talk to a few girls,only to later have them slowly move away,then they would try to avoid me.By Junior year,No girl would even give me the time of day.I had the rep of "Creep".

That sucked worse.

No girls would talk to me,I would never go to any social event,knowing that I was doomed to fail,That's when I read all the books,realized what I was doing wrong,and then had an epiphany...

I was socially retarded.

"Sucked" couldn't even describe the feeling after that.

So I took Senior year as my "Experimentation year".I tried out everything the books said(DHV,Openers,Cocky-Funny,Body Language,etc...),and noticed something...

My game didn't work as well as I hoped.

I was still hated by the majority of girls,I still didn't go to parties,I still studied alone in the library during lunch,but...some people noticed.

My friends told me they were suprised at the change,and shocked that "I" improved so much,because they told me they thought I was socially retarded.(now that I look back,it's actually quite funny how everything turned out).

But eventually,I learned my last problem:

Lack of social proof.

I guess since I was labeled a "Creep" and "Socially Retarded",people believed that before ever getting to know the real me.

And..there's the background.

So now,the questions:

1)Do you REALLY need to be THAT socially connected to have the game work for you?

2)What advice would you give a guy who,although "gets most of it",has not much social intuition or social proof.

3)Is it possible to "learn" social skills at my age <18>.

It be awsome if you guys could answer back.

Thank you...and sorry again for the story.

Author:	BlackBull [ Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:32 am ]
Post subject:	Lack Of Social Circle/Loner's dilemma
Hey guys.I've got a bit of a troubling problem regarding game,and that's having a social circle.Hopefully some of you guys who can relate or know the cure can help me out... (P.S:I apologize for turning my question into a long story.It seemed sensible to build the background so I can give you guys a better understanding) I'm 18 years old,and just graduated from High School.I've probably read every book on the game there is out there,thanks to saving up cash(VAH,DYD,Juggler Method,The Game,Magic Bullets,etc...),but there's one common theme that all the books emphasized that gets me down at times: Social Proof/Having a Social Circle. Starting Freshman year,and lasting till about the end of junior year,I was a total AFC,maybe even worse.Because of how I was,I ended up living the life of a loner.I didn't really leave the house much,except when my friends would ask me to hang out or I'd go lifting. I noticed,as time passed,that all my classmates were talking with girls,hanging out between classes,sitting at lunch,and I would be in the library,studying my ass off as usual to try to keep my mind off of the fact that I lacked social skills(Apparently,a 3.7 GPA cant get you pussy these days). It sucked. While I was a freshman,I was able to talk to a few girls,only to later have them slowly move away,then they would try to avoid me.By Junior year,No girl would even give me the time of day.I had the rep of "Creep". That sucked worse. No girls would talk to me,I would never go to any social event,knowing that I was doomed to fail,That's when I read all the books,realized what I was doing wrong,and then had an epiphany... I was socially retarded. "Sucked" couldn't even describe the feeling after that. So I took Senior year as my "Experimentation year".I tried out everything the books said(DHV,Openers,Cocky-Funny,Body Language,etc...),and noticed something... My game didn't work as well as I hoped. I was still hated by the majority of girls,I still didn't go to parties,I still studied alone in the library during lunch,but...some people noticed. My friends told me they were suprised at the change,and shocked that "I" improved so much,because they told me they thought I was socially retarded.(now that I look back,it's actually quite funny how everything turned out). But eventually,I learned my last problem: Lack of social proof. I guess since I was labeled a "Creep" and "Socially Retarded",people believed that before ever getting to know the real me. And..there's the background. So now,the questions: 1)Do you REALLY need to be THAT socially connected to have the game work for you? 2)What advice would you give a guy who,although "gets most of it",has not much social intuition or social proof. 3)Is it possible to "learn" social skills at my age <18>. It be awsome if you guys could answer back. Thank you...and sorry again for the story.

Author:	Thrombosis [ Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:59 am ]
Post subject:
I'll be honest, I didn't read the whole post, I only skimmed it, but I'm reminded of a quote of Mystery's: Fake it till you make it. Don't have a social circle? Make one up. Go to clubs and tell girls, "yeah my friends are supposed to meet me here, so I only have a few minutes (False time constraint) but blah blah blah random opener." Then later just say they ditched you. Make up your own social proof. Start meeting people, guys or girls, and you will build your social circle. Now, a note about your high school friends: forget 'em. In time you'll realise they're not that important anyway, and odds are, you're not gonna get laid with any of those girls because, no matter how socially savvy you've become, they still have that impression of a social retard in the back of their minds. I feel you brother, I was a social retard in high school too. And, although I learned how to be socially acceptable on my own, (note: socially acceptable, not a ladies man. I'm still workin' on that.) and I did befriend many of the "cool girls," I didn't fuck any of them. Why? Simple. Attraction isn't built over a period of days, months, or years, it's built in a matter of minutes. Give up on them. You're 18 now man, you're an adult. Go places and meet NEW people. I'm 24 now, and I only talk to one person I went to high school with. It's time to go live your life man.

Author:	sundayraver [ Mon Jul 09, 2007 4:51 pm ]
Post subject:
its not too late to learn social skills, 18 is young. I think you should find someone who'll tell you straight up how u come accross, dont forget picking up chicks and being social is about being FUN. It sounds like your energy is probably too low -what you say and how u come accross may conflict causing u to look creepy.

Author:	diapente [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:
I have to say that learning all of the PUA materials, you should know that it works just as well to get "friends" as well as a HB. If you're going to be at college and are afraid of not having a social circle, concentrate on using your PUA knowledge to gain friends and/or a social circle. PUA skills make you an interesting person; people (not just HBs) are attracted to interesting individuals.

Author:	phrenk Abegnale [ Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:45 am ]
Post subject:
Near the end of TheGame, style said something about the people at project hollywood "We're all broken to some extent. we just have to embrace it". This is true of all people, no ones perfect, everyone has socially retarded moments(in a book called Blink it talks about momentary autism that occurs in everyone). So yeah, never give up. the only thing you can do is improve however long it takes it'll be worth it. One recomendation is to change your style(new clothes, new hobbies, new music). Basically get rid of everything that reminds you of the socially retarded person that you think you are. Replace them with things that remind you of the person that you want to be and never hold onto anything too long(ideas, concepts, levis, tennishoes....). Since youre out of high school you'll be meeting new people and in a completely different place, it's the perfect time to change Also meditation twice a day is very helpfull in getting a better sense of the inner workings of your mind and a fuller veiw of how the world sees you. Everyone has false concepts of themselves, this helps spot them. Okay dude, have fun at college. Go to class! I never did and never got any credits, looking back it was a fucking ridiculous year.

PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Lack Of Social Circle/Loner's dilemma https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=4301	Page 1 of 2

Author:	BlackBull [ Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:12 am ]
Post subject:
Hey guys. I've read the replies,and I appreciate the feeback. Since the last time I was here,no lie,a whole set of things happened: 1)I had a date with this girl at the mall.We hung out,while we talked about random stuff.I negged her a bit,teased her on her choice of shirts,and showed her a section of the mall that I knew had the best view of the forest nearby,and she didn't even know the spot existed!Lol,that got me some props.So,in the end,we set a date this thursday,in the city(I live 15 min from the city,so it's all set well) 2)I read "How to become King of your college" on Bobby Rio's website,and I must say It relieved me so much.Now I have a definite plan on what to do in college,and to me,it seems so easy to accomplish.So that's something i'm lookin forward to. 3)I've started working with my brother on fixing up his house.While learning about how to install wires and circuits and how to make cement platforms,I suddenly felt more active,like I had a purpose.I actually wanted to go out and meet girls after working on the house.It's as if some form of adrenaline kicked in while doing repairs and made me experience what it meant to be alive.It was great. Well,besides that,what you guys told me helped me a lot.I'm 18,and still have a lot of time.I'll take it easy for now and go with the flow,and when the time comes...I'll do what I have to do. thanks again.

Author:	Rulo [ Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:46 am ]
Post subject:
I moved to a new city and made a quite big social circle this way: I try not to stick to the people I know when I am in any place where there are lots of people (for ex. a class), i sit near new people and make small talk. I start activities where there are people my age, especially women, (tango lessons, gym, etc). be social with everyone, not just HBs. take into account that most people get girldfriens and lays trough social circle. i hope it helps.

Author:	xLINKx [ Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Gaming in your hometown is lame. Everyone knows everybody....

Author:	P2D2 [ Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:
I read all this... Sounds like maybe you live in, or outside, a small town. Hopefully your college is in a bigger city. Anyway, my life advice: 1) when you get to college, it is the PERFECT chance to reinvent yourself. I don't remember seeing you say you WERE going to college, but one can assume it since you studied hard. At College, you're 100% a completely different person from Day 1. MAKE it happen. Don't step foot on campus until you have the confidence to believe that you're the coolest guy there. 2) Get a tan. You're pale. I know this without seeing you. Spray-on tans don't cause cancer. Creepy people are often pale. Think Dracula. 3) Find your local Lair. Instantly you have people to hang out with when you go out. They also teach you where you're going wrong. Just because you read it, doesn't mean you're doing it. 4) I thought you read the books? You went on a date ... to the mall? C'mon, you can do better than that. Tell her to dress "nice" and take her house hunting for mansions. Tell the real estate agents you just got an inheritance and want to invest in property. Better yet, look in the Day 2 forums for some good date ideas. 5) What interests you? Universities (at least in Australia) have a ton of social clubs. You can do a course or join a club on basic mechanics, drink mixing, martial arts, theatre, whatever. Do something that interests you and meet people. And most importantly of all..... GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE. You can't meet people when you stay inside all the time. - Dex

Author:	Impact [ Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:13 am ]
Post subject:
Hey, yeah we all face these problems. it's ok you gotta get good at sarging, do some solo sets, or get someone to help you wing from here. Once you've got ok, and you managed to number close some girls, have fun sleep with some, befriend others, and then go out together, say hey we are heading shopping, come join us, merge the sarged girls. Then just do a activity and bridge them to go out clubbing or something. It takes time, just keep working at it. And yeh if you have the money, do a tango lesson, or yoga, take some classes, make friends. All pretty good ideas!

Author:	654321so [ Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:52 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Hey guys. I've read the replies,and I appreciate the feeback. Since the last time I was here,no lie,a whole set of things happened: 1)I had a date with this girl at the mall.We hung out,while we talked about random stuff.I negged her a bit,teased her on her choice of shirts,and showed her a section of the mall that I knew had the best view of the forest nearby,and she didn't even know the spot existed!Lol,that got me some props.So,in the end,we set a date this thursday,in the city(I live 15 min from the city,so it's all set well) 2)I read "How to become King of your college" on Bobby Rio's website,and I must say It relieved me so much.Now I have a definite plan on what to do in college,and to me,it seems so easy to accomplish.So that's something i'm lookin forward to. 3)I've started working with my brother on fixing up his house.While learning about how to install wires and circuits and how to make cement platforms,I suddenly felt more active,like I had a purpose.I actually wanted to go out and meet girls after working on the house.It's as if some form of adrenaline kicked in while doing repairs and made me experience what it meant to be alive.It was great. Well,besides that,what you guys told me helped me a lot.I'm 18,and still have a lot of time.I'll take it easy for now and go with the flow,and when the time comes...I'll do what I have to do. thanks again. well, I read your article and yea...I feel you, cuz I was also a social retard, but now I improved..although I cant say Im a alpha male but Im getting there...so yea, good luck on your date...by the way...if its possible could you send me some good article address in message..thanks

Author:	Titan [ Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:
Sure, you can say that Quote: it sucked , but then again, it was a great lesson that you learnt. Now you will never make such mistakes again. So you see, it can also be thought of as a positive experience, even though it was harsh.

Author:	febu122 [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Lack Of Social Circle/Loner's dilemma
Quote: Hey guys.I've got a bit of a troubling problem regarding game,and that's having a social circle.Hopefully some of you guys who can relate or know the cure can help me out... (P.S:I apologize for turning my question into a long story.It seemed sensible to build the background so I can give you guys a better understanding) I'm 18 years old,and just graduated from High School.I've probably read every book on the game there is out there,thanks to saving up cash(VAH,DYD,Juggler Method,The Game,Magic Bullets,etc...),but there's one common theme that all the books emphasized that gets me down at times: Social Proof/Having a Social Circle. Starting Freshman year,and lasting till about the end of junior year,I was a total AFC,maybe even worse.Because of how I was,I ended up living the life of a loner.I didn't really leave the house much,except when my friends would ask me to hang out or I'd go lifting. I noticed,as time passed,that all my classmates were talking with girls,hanging out between classes,sitting at lunch,and I would be in the library,studying my ass off as usual to try to keep my mind off of the fact that I lacked social skills(Apparently,a 3.7 GPA cant get you pussy these days). It sucked. While I was a freshman,I was able to talk to a few girls,only to later have them slowly move away,then they would try to avoid me.By Junior year,No girl would even give me the time of day.I had the rep of "Creep". That sucked worse. No girls would talk to me,I would never go to any social event,knowing that I was doomed to fail,That's when I read all the books,realized what I was doing wrong,and then had an epiphany... I was socially retarded. "Sucked" couldn't even describe the feeling after that. So I took Senior year as my "Experimentation year".I tried out everything the books said(DHV,Openers,Cocky-Funny,Body Language,etc...),and noticed something... My game didn't work as well as I hoped. I was still hated by the majority of girls,I still didn't go to parties,I still studied alone in the library during lunch,but...some people noticed. My friends told me they were suprised at the change,and shocked that "I" improved so much,because they told me they thought I was socially retarded.(now that I look back,it's actually quite funny how everything turned out). But eventually,I learned my last problem: Lack of social proof. I guess since I was labeled a "Creep" and "Socially Retarded",people believed that before ever getting to know the real me. And..there's the background. So now,the questions: 1)Do you REALLY need to be THAT socially connected to have the game work for you? 2)What advice would you give a guy who,although "gets most of it",has not much social intuition or social proof. 3)Is it possible to "learn" social skills at my age <18>. It be awsome if you guys could answer back. Thank you...and sorry again for the story. Bro, I second all that. it sounds like your situation is a mirror of mine.

Author:	Soma [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:02 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: 2)I read "How to become King of your college" on Bobby Rio's website,and I must say It relieved me so much.Now I have a definite plan on what to do in college,and to me,it seems so easy to accomplish.So that's something i'm lookin forward to. Hey I'm going to college next year, I'm 18 and I can totally relate with some things you talked about. So anyway, I was just wondering if you had the website link for that college article, I would really like to read it. And BTW, the mall isn't an awful date for those in high school because girls at this age aren't tired of the same routine dates (movies, malls, parties etc). Also, while this seems counter-intuitive, most girls in HS still enjoy being told they are pretty (but I still don't do it until we're well into comfort) because everyone has low self esteem in HS, no matter how well they hide it. So my point is, the mall and movies will still work in high school, while it may not go over so well with a 25 year old HB because they are already tired of "boring dates" while HB's in high school haven't been on hundreds of dates yet.

Page 1 of 2	All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/

Author:	Rye Lee [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:
You're not going to be getting any help from BlackBull as he has been banned from the site. Please don't bump topics that are more than a couple weeks old unless you have something to add to them, because usually the topic is so old that many of the people in them aren't active members anymore.