p.s. I am the one who wants it to go slow, i was the one who was hurt
| PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/ |
|
| Big step for me, and i need some advice on some inner issues https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=40109 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | SierraPapa [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Big step for me, and i need some advice on some inner issues |
Hello Gentlemen, I have once again decided to call upon the advice of many knowlegable men... I am quite involved with this girl we have had sex and we have both told each other we like each other... she wants something more.. i have told her the 'R' word is a big step for me, i've been living the single life for 3 years and had a bitter bitter break up before the beginning of the 3 years so found myself avoiding relationships. She is cool with it but subtly trying to tell me it would be for the better to go with her etc.. she's told me she wont hurt me etc etc and i believe her.. A couple of problems!.... Number one.. now this issue has kind of come back since my last gf 3 years back... and i dont know why.. but now im starting to get involved when i think about her i think about her ex's and other guys and how much experience she has... it goes as far as when she says certain things it instantly pops into my head like oh does tht mean she has done alot of tht before etc... she does mention her ex's thats cool.. i dont mind but this issue i have really annoys me... it kills my mood and i feel im being irrational! heres a short example: She brings up subject of cum and how it tastes bad and how i should start eating fruit for when she tries mine etc... kind of funny yeh, she mentions how she had a bad experience with it before... my mind kicks in... not overly like obviously being bothered by it but my mind gives me images and ideas... irritating... i dont want to be like this.. i was never like this before my last girl friend.. i was always really laid back It may be because i havent had that much experience... i only lost my viriginity recently... that doesnt mean i have done a lot of other stuff with girls i have kissed and done lots of stuff with a lot of other girls, i just never managed to get over the wall of sex... so im a late bloomer in that respect and now i am its easy.... however it still calls ot mind tht she has probably got a lot more experience than me, i dont see why not shes gorgeous! but how can i stip all these stupid thoughts bothering me Problem 2... When im just fingering her and stuff she does go crazy but she stops me every time and doesnt let me make her orgasm.. (annoying) she tells me it makes her to tempted as it just makes her want to go all the way with me.. and we have both agreed that were not rushing although we have had sex once... This semi-reinforces my problem one inner issues... why does she instantly need to go the home run and not settle with 2 and 3rd... Or is it a compliment that i can get her that excited!... i just want to make her orgasm, but she stops me every time... kind of frustrating... maybe i should discuss problem 2 with her? but as for problem one i know i'm being stupid at the age of 18/19 and being as good looking as her of course shes going to have a lot of experience... She's a great girl and yes i want to be with her but i want to go in with a stable start and not me thinking fucking stupid thoughts!? Cheers for any advice, Thanks Sierra |
|
| Author: | R.G. [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey Sierra, With your problem 1, I had the EXACT SAME problem/issue in my first long term relationship, which started at 14/15 (lost my virginity to her at 15). I think the reason why I felt like that is because I had always had this expectation or ideology that girls were beautiful, respectful tame creatures that should be handled with care. I expected to wait a couple of weeks before our first kiss, and a few months before we started heading south. The reality was that we kissed as soon as I asked her out, and she made me finger her comparatively very early. I found out about her experienced past, even how she had kissed many other girls. I also learnt first hand that most girls were like this (of course she had all the gossip on her friends and other girls at our school). Her personal experience crippled me inside whenever I thought about it...thoughts like: -it won't be special, she's already done it -someone's been here before me -it's my first time and everything, so it's special for me, but not for her -someone else has pleasured MY girl -etc. I think these irrational thoughts boil down to lack of experience (and for me, also naivety). Another aspect is your expectation, ideology and ideal. It may not fit with your model of girls and relationships, probably because your model is irrational/obsolete/too idealistic. Consider this for a moment. My best advice, although it may not seem helpful, is simply to let go. In time you will come to terms with her previous experience of boys (actually, I don't think I ever did in 21 months), but you will at least accept it. You just have to let it go and admit that those thoughts are irrational. It's up to her what she did with her past and there's no right or wrong granted it was all her choice. Problem 2. Now this is interesting. Quite strange actually, by this time most girls would be gagging for it. Quote: we have both agreed that were not rushing
In my opinion this is pretty AFC thinking. You just haven't built enough comfort and/or attraction with her, or haven't captured and led her imagination, or accelerated her emotions, or made her feel horny without actually doing something physically to her.You have had sex with her already which is great. I think it would be a good idea to ask her the ROOT cause of why she is copping out before the orgasm. Because I'll tell you one thing. This: Quote: she tells me it makes her to tempted as it just makes her want to go all the way with me
Is almost certainly bollocks! You have to decode that. It may be a flat out lie to cover up something else, perhaps an insecurity, or it may be subcommunicating something else. I can only guess, you need to find out. If you can do this WITHOUT verbalising it so much the better, because talking to her about it can make it worse/kill the mood next time you do it, especially if the problem still resides.Next time she says that, try and go all the way. It may sound pushy or whatever, but she should want it. She should enjoy it. Then make no excuses for it or any 'we're taking it slowly' crap because that's all BS unless there is a legitmate reason behind it such as she has been abused in her past or something. Good luck buddy! |
|
| Author: | SierraPapa [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks very much for your help and advice i knew that was it at the end of the day just needed to hear it! As for the not building enough attraction etc.. shes the one wanting an 'us' not me... maybe thts why she's holding off.. .cos were not official yet? or perhaps shes got anxiety about orgasms when not actually having sex for some reason? either that or shes just been coded a certain way due to the way her relationships have previously gone! Cheers mate, appreciated Sierra |
|
| Author: | SierraPapa [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
p.s. I am the one who wants it to go slow, i was the one who was hurt
|
|
| Author: | Pool Shark [ Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
What Up Sierra This is what I think to myself every time they mention a past relationship "They had no idea that they would meet me later" Every relationship they have had in the past they didn't where it was going to end so they did and said the things they did because for all they knew that could have been it. You didn't know you were going to meet this girl and she didn't know she was going to meet you. For the second problem I don't think its AFC to want to wait or take it slow its all up to you and you have to learn that at the end of the day you can break all these PUA rules it just depends on how you handle things. All I'd say is keep trying till she gives it up, lol Good Luck 
|
|
| Author: | SierraPapa [ Tue Feb 24, 2009 8:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
haha cheers pool shark, i will remember your quote there, i like it! and thanks i agree with you
|
|
| Author: | Sexcellent [ Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sierra, I think you need to be more outcome independent. You can't go into a relationship with so many worries and expectations. Your concerns resemble that of an AFC. You need to work on being more PUA if you want your relationships to be more successful. eat the meal not the menu |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|