PUA Forum :: Did I really misinterpret the IOI's??? lil advice.

Hey Loso,

I've been in a very similar situation to yours in the past. The IOIs were there, we flirted, we enjoyed each other's company. But the minute I said that I was attracted to her it blew my chances.

David DeAngelo is a master with this stuff, he'd eat us both up and spit us out for being such wussies!

However, learning from my mistake, I won't go telling a girl how I feel now till the absolute breaking point. But in your situation you've already told her so let's get to the advice.

I think you need to reframe your situation, you're avoiding each other, ignoring one another, replying with one word answers. This doesnt seem to be getting you the result you want. Is it building sexual tension or attraction?

It sounds like you've got a case of one-itis, so you know the cure, go out and meet 10 other girls or sleep with them all and then see how you feel about this girl.

If you think she really is the one for you and you're sure she feels the same way about you then let go of the analyzing. Get into your cocky & funny self (C&F), keep busting on her, tease her, raise the sexual tension more and more, don't give the power to her or let her put you into the LJBF zone because once you're there, it's a very very difficult place to get out of.

But most of all. DON"T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK NEEDY! Remain a challenge, you don't need to act like a jerk, but lay off the nice guy thing and stop with the why didn't you call me or text me back thing. Girls hate it, you'll be a wuss in her books in no time and at that point it's all over. GAME OVER.

From a female perspective, one of two things could have happened in her head....

1. She told you flat out that she liked you. You didn't respond in any solid way at first, so she gave up. Then when you said it out loud (rather...in a text) that you did like her, she found it hard to process the information, which is why she didn't respond right away and felt silly a few days later.

or 2. she's playing that "hard-to-get game." Oh, well, he likes me, so I cna't look too desperate.

In any case, your reaction later was, in my opinion (and possibly hers) a little immature. "I'm mad at you cause you didn't call me." OK, fine, be mad for a minute, tell her so, and then get over it.

If you really do still like this girl, make it known, while maintaining control and confidence. But whatever you decide, make it clear, and make it prompt. Your biggest mistake may have been not "Striking when the iron is hot."

she did txt bak, but not what i expected, just shit about she was in shock and didn't know what to say,

surely my friendship is not of that much value,

Author:	Loso [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Did I really misinterpret the IOI's??? lil advice.
before I start i'm obviously new to this PUA thing, didn't know what it stood for till my friend told me after my situation to "play the game" and check out this forum. anyway, so there is this HB i work with, (gonna cut an extremely long story short by getting to the point) pretty much from the day I started working (part time retail job) we have been flirting, play fighting really touchy feely stuff, negging each other (I think this is the appropriate term) etc. Shit, she even told me she liked me twice, but I just took that stuff for what it was since we worked together and i didn't really wanna shit on my own door step if you know what i mean. however I've recently started to really like this girl, so i decided to txt her how i felt saying I've been thinking about her alot recently and am starting to like her (silly move i know, but like i said i didn't know about PUA techniques as I have always been a pretty much straightforward guy in my previous relationships). she txt back saying she didn't realise i felt like that, blah blah, she was in so much shock that she didn't know what to say. But importantly nothing about how she felt. so i tried calling her and txting to which she did not pick up nor txt back. now roll on the week after i did that, when we are both at work, she happens to see me before i see her and comes to me in a really friendly manner as if nothing had happened, touching the side of my body in public. this annoyed to the point i took her to the stockroom to ask her why she couldn't answer or txt back. she made some jibb about being busy all week, then tried to hug me and say "we cool yeah?". I responded by gently but firmly pushing her back and saying nah we are not. anyway couple weeks pass and we are having EC at work but are ignoring each other, up until last friday when she came up to me and said "HI Loso" to which i shrugged which led to her "asking are you talking to me ?" to which i responded "I am talking to you right now aren't I" anyway after that she tried making small talk with me, but i was giving her one word answers. then we went back to ignoring each other and the present time. so theres my shortened story (believe it or not) there is so much more to it including people telling me we would make a great couple, us drinking and flirting outside of work etc, so my question is did i really misintepret the IOI's??? oh and one important thing i missed out, i can visably see that she is upset when im at work and not talking to her, this leaves me with the question where do i go from here, what game do i play??? p.s. its quite obvious that i like her hence the essay and my reaction when seeing her, its just im trying to figure out what this HB is thinking and is she mentally mind fcking me??

Author:	high school pua [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:06 pm ]
Post subject:
just start talking to her again man, she already is very attracted to you

Author:	Loso [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:35 pm ]
Post subject:
thats probably the reality, but i still need to get an idea of why she did what she did, before I approach her again, was she just shit testing me by ignoring me or is it a simple case of LJBF that I cant see??? come on guys a little insight or advice would go a long way to helping me play the game.

Author:	Ethan Hewitt [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:43 am ]
Post subject:
Hey Loso, I've been in a very similar situation to yours in the past. The IOIs were there, we flirted, we enjoyed each other's company. But the minute I said that I was attracted to her it blew my chances. David DeAngelo is a master with this stuff, he'd eat us both up and spit us out for being such wussies! However, learning from my mistake, I won't go telling a girl how I feel now till the absolute breaking point. But in your situation you've already told her so let's get to the advice. I think you need to reframe your situation, you're avoiding each other, ignoring one another, replying with one word answers. This doesnt seem to be getting you the result you want. Is it building sexual tension or attraction? It sounds like you've got a case of one-itis, so you know the cure, go out and meet 10 other girls or sleep with them all and then see how you feel about this girl. If you think she really is the one for you and you're sure she feels the same way about you then let go of the analyzing. Get into your cocky & funny self (C&F), keep busting on her, tease her, raise the sexual tension more and more, don't give the power to her or let her put you into the LJBF zone because once you're there, it's a very very difficult place to get out of. But most of all. DON"T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK NEEDY! Remain a challenge, you don't need to act like a jerk, but lay off the nice guy thing and stop with the why didn't you call me or text me back thing. Girls hate it, you'll be a wuss in her books in no time and at that point it's all over. GAME OVER.

Author:	Loso [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:11 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Hey Loso, I've been in a very similar situation to yours in the past. The IOIs were there, we flirted, we enjoyed each other's company. But the minute I said that I was attracted to her it blew my chances. David DeAngelo is a master with this stuff, he'd eat us both up and spit us out for being such wussies! However, learning from my mistake, I won't go telling a girl how I feel now till the absolute breaking point. But in your situation you've already told her so let's get to the advice. I think you need to reframe your situation, you're avoiding each other, ignoring one another, replying with one word answers. This doesnt seem to be getting you the result you want. Is it building sexual tension or attraction? It sounds like you've got a case of one-itis, so you know the cure, go out and meet 10 other girls or sleep with them all and then see how you feel about this girl. If you think she really is the one for you and you're sure she feels the same way about you then let go of the analyzing. Get into your cocky & funny self (C&F), keep busting on her, tease her, raise the sexual tension more and more, don't give the power to her or let her put you into the LJBF zone because once you're there, it's a very very difficult place to get out of. But most of all. DON"T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK NEEDY! Remain a challenge, you don't need to act like a jerk, but lay off the nice guy thing and stop with the why didn't you call me or text me back thing. Girls hate it, you'll be a wuss in her books in no time and at that point it's all over. GAME OVER. some real good advice Ethan, thanks, gonna start talking to her again when i see her next, defo gonna avoid phone/MSN contact though, keep it as casual as i can don't know if i should really flirt with her like i used too though? didn't have an aim when i started this, just really didn't wanna talk to her and made a point of talking and joking to every other chick within sight of her, lol. boy, don't really know if theres any coming back from this though, guess its the consequences of my actions. guess im just to straight forwrd, buts its all ive known really.

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Author:	Ethan Hewitt [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:29 am ]
Post subject:
Just remember Loso to keep doing the things that were building attraction. Many times a guy gets a girl interested in him and at that point then turn on the Wuss meter and go into overdrive. Instead of remaining distant, keeping themselves busy, being cocky and funny. Then change literally overnight into this needy guy who gives her what she asks for and wants in life at the drop of the hat. Advice guys: What a girl says she wants and what she responds to our two totally different things. They leave the C&F approach behind them and start calling and texting 5 times a day acting despearate, seeking her approval and trying to please her. Don't do this! Keep up with what you've been using, if there is something that's not working and you can identify it, then change it, make alterations, sometimes it may be through trial and error that you pick these things up, but that's ok. You'll make errors of judgment, but we've all been there and it's made us what we are today.

Author:	dsbubba [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:10 am ]
Post subject:
Yeah, evry1 is right even though they might sound harsh its bcz they are lookin out for you. You did misinterpret the IOI's, and you might have scared the shit out of her when you declared your love. Don't do that play the C&F role, don't pull the why ddnt you text me back, and what you should do is look up a bunch of text message openers. Go to search and look for artciles with every word and look up List of Text Messages Game read around and try to pick up tactics before you go out sarging. And when you get shot down, it only makes you better bcz you learn from your mistakes

Author:	RTTastic [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:32 am ]
Post subject:
From a female perspective, one of two things could have happened in her head.... 1. She told you flat out that she liked you. You didn't respond in any solid way at first, so she gave up. Then when you said it out loud (rather...in a text) that you did like her, she found it hard to process the information, which is why she didn't respond right away and felt silly a few days later. or 2. she's playing that "hard-to-get game." Oh, well, he likes me, so I cna't look too desperate. In any case, your reaction later was, in my opinion (and possibly hers) a little immature. "I'm mad at you cause you didn't call me." OK, fine, be mad for a minute, tell her so, and then get over it. If you really do still like this girl, make it known, while maintaining control and confidence. But whatever you decide, make it clear, and make it prompt. Your biggest mistake may have been not "Striking when the iron is hot."

Author:	Switchback [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:36 am ]
Post subject:
I did the same thing a long time ago, I told a girl that I liked her way too soon and it all went to shit after that. The chase is over once you do that and so is the sexual tension. We never got back to "normal" and I eventually gave up on her. Look up the cat string theory. Don't let her know that she has you until the time is right. For example I never told my last GF that I loved her even when she said it to me. I just said "I know" or kissed her. I tell her how I felt about her but without words. I showed her by getting her a gift or taking her out to dinner randomly. Then when I finally said those three words to her it was extremely meaningful than if I said it everyday. I agree on what everyone is saying, go back and do what you were doing right. Also don't let a women get to you like that, don't get all upset just because she didn't return your text or call. Remember it's her loss if she doesn't.

Author:	Loso [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:
thanks for the replys guys, its always great to get advise from anonymous people bcos i know you aren't gonna hold back anything, keep it coming... when i've discussed this with my closest boys i always get the feeling that they might be holding back, for whatever reason. but specifcally wanna target you RTTastic... Quote: From a female perspective, one of two things could have happened in her head.... 1. She told you flat out that she liked you. You didn't respond in any solid way at first, so she gave up. Then when you said it out loud (rather...in a text) that you did like her, she found it hard to process the information, which is why she didn't respond right away and felt silly a few days later. or 2. she's playing that "hard-to-get game." Oh, well, he likes me, so I cna't look too desperate. In any case, your reaction later was, in my opinion (and possibly hers) a little immature. "I'm mad at you cause you didn't call me." OK, fine, be mad for a minute, tell her so, and then get over it. If you really do still like this girl, make it known, while maintaining control and confidence. But whatever you decide, make it clear, and make it prompt. Your biggest mistake may have been not "Striking when the iron is hot." My friend told me this specifically and even went as far as to say that i "owe her another rejection/airage from her to me" bcos she sed it twice. however like i sed in my original post she did txt bak, but not what i expected, just shit about she was in shock and didn't know what to say, its after that when i tried calling and txting the nxt day that she started blanking me. again people have told me this too, since i went all out she might be mind fcking me, hence hear making the actual effort to talk to me whilst i blanked her and the strong EC. but what i dnt get is if after you've sed u like me then i've sed it too... why would you hold back from making it something more??? either way i'm on holiday from wrk for 2wks so i won't see her till Feb which gives me time to make my decision. oh and its just one thing that I can't get my head around, if i'm consciously ignoring you or someone, why would make the effort to talk to me if you know I'm not happy with you??? surely my friendship is not of that much value,

Author:	RTTastic [ Tue Jan 27, 2009 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: she did txt bak, but not what i expected, just shit about she was in shock and didn't know what to say, She said it right there in the text. She said she was in shock and didn't know what to say. She could have been not responding for fear of sounding/looking stupid. Or for fear that you were playing some sort of joke on her. Then when she realized you were serious, she wanted to act like everything was normal, again to save face. You are back to work in Feb and you can make your decision then, but make the decision, stick to it, and make it VERY clear. Forget about ambiguity. If you decide that you like her and you want to go for it, walk up to her, say "Hey, I dig ya....and we should have dinner on Friday night." If you decide that it's not going to work out, continue to be her friend, don't be childish, especially in the workplace, but quit the flirting. Quote: surely my friendship is not of that much value, And why would you say that? Surely anything that is percieved as a real friendship IS of that much value.

Author:	Loso [ Wed Jan 28, 2009 4:29 pm ]
Post subject:
hey you replied back, thanks. still not sure what gonna say or do, its all well and good making my decision now but when i see her face to face and look at her i'll see how i react. Quote: surely my friendship is not of that much value, And why would you say that? Surely anything that is percieved as a real friendship IS of that much value.[/quote] i meant that as why would you try and make an effort when I'm indirectly telling you I don't want to speak to you. but meh... i'll update this next week.

Author:	Sinn [ Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:03 pm ]
Post subject:
You came on way too strong and came across as really needy. It seems like she was into you. All the signs were that she was flirting(play fighting, touching, teasing, etc) Then you dropped the bomb on her. And you did it thru text which says you're a pussy. So the nest thing you need to do is back way off, go back to teasing her, being dismissive, being a friend. Then look for a way to get her and you alone together, so you can make a physical move. S

Author:	Loso [ Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:
^^^lol, dropped it like it was hot, i don't think i came on too strong due to our situation and her already stating that she liked me, but i hear you about the needy thing, the only reason I txt her was because she was working lates that sat evning and I was going out that night, me and my boys normally get drunk up before we go out so i wanted to txt her while i was still sober, if that makes sense. plus i did the txt thing because I thought that we had that kind bond where she just needed to hear/see it to be happy and thus allowing us to move forward. obviously i now realise you only do this face2face and when it goes as far it can.

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Author:	Loso [ Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:33 pm ]
Post subject:
BUMP... this needed to get bumped because the shit has developed alot since my last post. Ok, so after I came back from holiday from work I decided, fck it i'm kick this chick to curb and cut all contact with her bar necessary things at work. so i went about this, the first time i saw her again i ignored her, she tried to make convo with me but i kept it to one word blunt and rude answers, for weeks and weeks things went on like this I showed no feelings towards herand I thought she would give up. she didn't and i cracked and started talking to her again, we are not exactly how we use to be flirting wise, but our friendship is kinda back to how it use to be. anyway fast fwd to last week, our friends bday is on the 28th (sat), so i was talking to her and asking if she was going, she said yeh most likely, so i said to her would you like me to come and meet you at work when you finish, she sed yes to do this. so i thought cool. so on thurs me and her were txting each other about some other stuff, then she dropped this msg about our frinds bday "we going yeh??" which i found strange, there wasn't really a need for "WE" but i just took it for what it was and replied back" ofcourse we are, we intend to get drunk, but we should defo behave, bcos when we are drunk, we are maniacs". so roll on ystday, and i see her at work again, we're talking then the convo moves on about this sat, and i go "still coming right" which she replied with "ermm i'm not sure"...my face went like this litteraly so i sed how come??? she replied i just don't know yet, so i sed you need to tell me bcos i might have to blah blah (my reason). so she goes i'll text you to let you know. i was like ok. anyway later on that night i decide to text her "how come you are not sure about going?? to which she has still not responded. now anyone that has read the above post will gather that I hate this non-texting back kinda bs, thus Iam now starting to wonder if she is trying to game me or what the situation has developed into, am i reading to much into things?? her constantly trying to talk to me when i was being very cold to her is something that still plays on mind tbh. what do you guys thinks, would love the opinion of the original posters but all are welcome P.S bare in mind during this time, I had begun to start sarging/going out with another chic, we aren't serious but we very close. however these two girls kinda know each other and don't really get along. i don't know if original girl knows whats going on, but new girl doesn't like it when i talk to her.