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I'm Atheist
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Author:  Fireworks [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:06 pm ]
Post subject:  I'm Atheist
Hello everyone. I have trouble telling people I'm Atheist, especially with a person that goes to church every Sunday.

I just met a really cool girl. We have a lot in common and she even offered to teach me how to play the cello, but I don't know how she would handle the fact that I'm Atheist. I was reading her MySpace and it says she loves God and goes to church every Sunday.

Any suggestions? I'm a good person with morals, I simply don't believe in that stuff.
Author:  =Prize= [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
People usually associate "atheism" with a hard core "I deny all that shit" mindset. If you're like this, that's ok. But I'm laying it forth because most atheists are more along the lines of "Meh, I have no reason to believe that. I just live my own life according to my own values".

I think a good approach is to not just spit out the label "atheist", but explain it in a context. Kind of like you do in this post. You live by your morals. You respect other people's beliefs. I guess you must since you're interested in the cello girl. Stuff like that. Explain about yourself in a way that she can take.
Author:  NYSFINEST01 [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
People don't usually care about things like this unless it's brought up early in the intial interaction (when you first meet). I would still keep doing what your doing b/c most of the time this stuff doesn't come up till later. At least this way if you guys do break up, it won't be b/c of religion. Just have fun and if she likes you enough that shouldn't matter much.
Let us know what happens
Good Luck
Author:  Plethora [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Learn to present your beliefs better. If you flat out say "I'm an atheist" to a girl who's religious, then it's going to kill the conversation. Most people have stereotypical views on people of a certain classification. If you declare yourself an atheist, then she will subconsciously connect you to all those 'atheists' before you that she met who might have been rude, condescending, fanatical, or ignorantly dismissive of her beliefs. This is a connection that will not serve you.

Find a way to speak using feelings and emotions, sort of like process language (NLP). You could, for instance, talk about how you feel that the real power and energy in the universe comes from connections between people, instead of a singular higher power. By doing this you are engaging her subconscious in a positive way, by having her re-evaluate the power of human interaction. As she feels these strong forces of connection and rapport AS YOU DESCRIBE THEM, then she will link (anchor) these to you. If you can learn to speak in a deep, confident, dominant, and ambiguous way, then you could make any philosophical stance of yours much more impactful and agreeable.

So, to recap:
1. Speak in an ambiguous and spiritual way
2. Avoid words such as 'atheist' which can label you in a possibly negative stereotype.
3. Be supremely confident and dominant in opinion. Be convinced of yourself, but not overtly trying to convince others.
4. Keep it positive and lighthearted, respect her beliefs
5. If possibly try to use some process language to build desirable states in her (and link them to you)
Author:  Fireworks [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 2:22 am ]
Post subject: 
Wow thanks a lot for the tips. And yeah, I guess I should wait until we're closer before it's even brought up.
Author:  Jaybot [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 3:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Man at the end of the day I have got with girls that go to super religious american schools (messiah etc) and it has shown me people think religion means a lot but seduction can and will over power most beliefs ( fuck lol I am going to hell) but yar religion means nothing.

Also take it from me the more devout christian a girl is (hand holding god fearing types) the more they crave for the things that appear out of their reality, for example my ridiculously forward attitude to sex etc.

I am drunk so am rambling but yeah dude religion means nothing and probably plays into your hands, corruption is a bit of a speciality of mine so gimme a shout if you fancy giving it a go with this girl.
Author:  jurupa [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
People usually associate "atheism" with a hard core "I deny all that shit" mindset.
Like any religion Atheism has various degrees of believers. As some are quite hardcore about it, to those like me that are indeed Atheist but are not hardcore about it.
Quote:
But I'm laying it forth because most atheists are more along the lines of "Meh, I have no reason to believe that. I just live my own life according to my own values".
Most people that are not part of one faith are Agnostic and not Atheist.
Author:  Watermelon [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Just don't bring up the subject. I don't see why you couldn't be friends with religious people even if you are an atheist. Remember, they are not stupid (most of the time) just not informed about the subject and not educated enough.
Quote:
People usually associate "atheism" with a hard core "I deny all that shit" mindset. If you're like this, that's ok. But I'm laying it forth because most atheists are more along the lines of "Meh, I have no reason to believe that. I just live my own life according to my own values".
"I deny all shit" is stupid hardcore wannabe mindset. Most teens who listen to linkin park try to be hardcore and go with atheism just to be different for everyone else (these are the stupid atheists).
"I have no reason to believe that" is more to the truth, but it's more like "I use only logic and reason" I think which would describe atheism most.
Quote:
I think a good approach is to not just spit out the label "atheist", but explain it in a context. Kind of like you do in this post. You live by your morals. You respect other people's beliefs. I guess you must since you're interested in the cello girl. Stuff like that. Explain about yourself in a way that she can take.
Yeah, exactly. You don't need to be an ass about it.

Plethora gave a good recommendation imo!
Quote:
Like any religion Atheism has various degrees of believers. As some are quite hardcore about it, to those like me that are indeed Atheist but are not hardcore about it.
Atheism is not a religion. It is absense of religion.
Author:  jurupa [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 3:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Just don't bring up the subject. I don't see why you couldn't be friends with religious people even if you are an atheist. Remember, they are not stupid (most of the time) just not informed about the subject and not educated enough.
Most religious people are actually not that hard to get along with actually. I only have trouble with those that talk about god all the time.
Quote:
Quote:
Like any religion Atheism has various degrees of believers. As some are quite hardcore about it, to those like me that are indeed Atheist but are not hardcore about it.
Atheism is not a religion. It is absense of religion.
I know that, but under law it is considered as a "religion".

The Supreme Court has said a religion need not be based on a belief in the existence of a supreme being

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/artic ... E_ID=45874

:wink:
Author:  Chief [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Move to a blue state. Problem solved.
Author:  eliec [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think i might be just repeating what plethora said, but :

-Try to expose your beliefs slowly and gradually, starting from some common ground. You probably believe in basic morality and such, so why not start there? Divergence of opinions is not a big problem if it comes gradually, because it is accepted easier.

-If necessary, placate her a few times by going to church, just not every sunday. Think of it like taking her to a play you dont really like, or shopping. It's a compromise.

-If this works out, be prepared to compromise. I'm not saying you should turn into Ned Flanders, but keep in mind she'll be trying to adjust her beliefs too. If she's ready for it, she's a keeper. But if she's too rigid about it, then you might have some problems.

ANyway, best of luck!
Author:  jurupa [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Move to a blue state. Problem solved.
I wish it was that simple.
Author:  Chief [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Move to a blue state. Problem solved.
I wish it was that simple.
It IS that simple. Worked for me.

...kinda turned me into a Buddhist, though.
Author:  Sincerelee [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
...kinda turned me into a Buddhist, though.
Based on your avatar, it looks more like you turned into a buttist. :wink:

Saying this cellist is a Christian is too vast. Some churches teach that one gets to heaven by living a good life, where when one dies, a balance of good and bad is compared to determine one's final destination. Other churches teach that a person's moral actions are of no value to determine their final destination.

Depending on what type of church she attends, will help in determining how you should be with her. If her church teaches that morality is merit for heaven, then talking about your morals is good. If she attends a church that teaches our moral actions cannot merit salvation, then it would not help to talk about being a moral person. You could talk about moral actions you've taken, like returning excess change the cashier gave you at the 7/11.

More importantly, if you share values in something she values greatly, such as if she is pro-life, you could talk about how you value human life.

When you say to a religious person, "I am not religious, but I am a moral person," they immediately think, "What is your moral standard? What do you base your morals on?" Don't say that to her. It will result in a negative thought in her mind. Christians have battled those who seek to (what we perceive as) prevent us from practicing our religion freely (although in the non-Christians' minds, they are thiking they are just trying to live life without the interference of Christian imposition).
Author:  Carbonated [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Atheism is not a religion. It is absense of religion.
Exactly. Atheism is to religion as bald is to hairstyle. That's a good way to phrase it to people.
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