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Help anyone?I really dont know what to do! Blushing!!!
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Author:  trixy [ Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Help anyone?I really dont know what to do! Blushing!!!
Ok so this may be a little long so let me explain my background. All my life iv been seen as a very confident person, and very self assured. This being my ego no doubt. I was the above upto my mid teens, im 21 now, but it all kind of came crashing down very fast.
Dating wise, iv always been seen as the single go-getter who is good with women and a bit of a player...when really IM NOT. Its just the vibe i used to give off. Iv been with and went out wit a healthy number of women but Never had an exclusive girlfriend. To add to my pulling power, my proffession, im a dj on the radio and club dj where i get to meet alot of women but never have the confidence to do it.

Now all this lack of confidence is because of ONE thing...Uncontrollable blushing...where my cheeks are red raw if under any stress or in a lot of social situations where i feel threatened. NOT good. This effects my confidence big time and in turn it gets worse. Saying that i still talk to women and im seen as a confident person with my proffession and all.

The thing that im not sure is, is this blushing only effecting me....do girls really care? I know myself im confident under this problem but its really getting to me. Iv been trying to not care so much lately which has been helping a bit but its still embarrassing. And the thing is the minute i feel it coming on i go from a confident outgoing funny person who always makes girls laugh, to a quite ashamed person. I HATE IT! Im just looking for some help from anyone who maybe overcame something like this in the past...and again...do girls REALLY care if i have really red cheeks(and i mean highly noticeable as im very fair skinned) and should i just act confident with it. it doesnt give off the most confident look tho! Its effecting my relationship with people in general...the thing is the fear of the problem IS the problem. HELP!!!
Author:  dark one [ Fri Jan 09, 2009 10:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would not think this would be abig deal for a women....I mean some women could even find it cute. I would just relax and not over think it because honestly no one prob notices it unless you say somthing. If it really bothers you then you could try talking to a doctor or somthing?
Author:  Smarts [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 7:27 am ]
Post subject: 
I actually have pretty red cheeks normally, it actually makes me look healthy.

That being said when I have been told I turn as red as a tomato when I blush, often in social situations when I am stress. I know how you feel man. You get that feeling that your cheeks are heating up and you know your blushing and then you start to think about that and your stomach goes and knots and you cant think about the conversation. It sucks, but like most things in life you can learn to live with it, try to avoid it, and just push right through it when it happens.

Basically, just try to keep things in proportion. Think to yourself, "I am only talking to this girl, what is so bad about that? I do this all the time its normal." That should help calm you down a little. When you do blush you can either ignore it and keep on pushing or actually acknowledge it and make a joke about it. Just laugh and say, "would you look at this? you got me freaking blushing." Just keep having fun with it. The more time you put into being social the less it will happen.

-Smarts
Author:  Kalel [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:19 am ]
Post subject: 
I think it will just go away as you get more comfortable in social situations. I would suggest working on your inner game however. If you study a little about frame control and NLP, you should be able to get rid of that problem.
Author:  GQute [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Go with the flow man. I have a roommate that has the most defined dimples that one could imagine. Well it literally runs chicks crazy, they love it and think he's so cute, but he doesn't know how to handle it and shuts off when the topic is brought up. If he would just go with it, his chances with women would be so much higher.

So just don't think about it. If a target brings it up, don't try hiding it, embrace it. Just say "yea, I looked it up and actually blushing is a sign of a very healthy complection". There's so many ways you can roll with it, just relax and don't get too worked up over the small stuff.
Author:  HomeWrecker [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah I would develop your inner game.

I decided to take a different approach to anxiety and stress that most PUAs do, and went with Meditation and mindfullness.

I meditate before I go out now, and it relaxes me heaps. Or though it took a few weeks to get a really good effect.

Also, you might like to look at creating your own beleifs that work for you in calming you in a stressful situation.

I stole mine from buddist beleif lol and psychological CBT methods. But a quick summary goes something like this:

I perceive the world around me through my senses. These senses make up my own reality. Because I am in control of my brain (my reality) I can choose which stimuli to ignore. If the stimuli is having a negative effect on me or is unhelpful I can simply dettach myself from the situation. It is my attachment that harms me. This means that I am in control of my reaction to the situation, I can stop myself from reacting by remaing dettached.

Then I go into a state of mind where I feel relaxed and "at peace with the world". Which I practice through meditation. I also visualize cutting the "rope" that attaches me to the situation.

I now can do that at will with a lot of negative emotions such as: fear, pain, stress/anxiety and anger. Its not easy to do and takes a lot of practice, it took me about a month to get to what I would call a really useful stage, however you continue to improve, it also allows me to keep my cool in most situations.

I hope you find that slightly helpful :)
Author:  trixy [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey thanks a mill for all the replies...really helpfull. And @ the meditation comment, iv actually been meditating the past 2 years at least 4 times a week, and as a person it has REALLY calmed and grounded me. I was alot more affected by the blushing. Slowly but surely iv been coping better and in turn its been dissapearing...

I was in a very social situation today...actually up in front of people talking as a part of my job and was cool as a breeze...why?...because it was early and i FORGOT to make myself nervous. Its a habit i gotta break. I was also working alongside two promotion girls for the day. HB 8 and 9s....and i was cool as a breeze making them piss their selves laughing. Its something that iv always been naturally good at.

As most of you said its all about my inner game...my perception to other people is how i wanna feel about myself. Strange i know but im getting there. Thanks a million for your posts too. Its ther first time iv ever actually brought it to life and i feel good about it.
Peace :wink:
Author:  HomeWrecker [ Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Not a problem Trixy, good luck man :D
Author:  Drakelet [ Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:04 am ]
Post subject: 
My cheeks are always red, and they seem to randomly blush. Even though now my confidence is, on the whole, very high.

I used to get all self conscious about it, but now I just say fuck it. I can't do anything, it's just me. If someone comments on it I just say they always do that and it's annoying. Sometimes guys at school try to make me embarrassed or whatever by mentioning that, and I just say "yeah, I know, they're probably going redder now, aren't they?" and just play along, or say "come on, they've been doing this for years and you've only just noticed?!". Something along those lines anyway.
Author:  trixy [ Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ya i think the key is to just not care so. If it happens it happens. hopefully it will calm down as my comfort level goes up!

Im reading the venusian artist at the mo and its shedding some light on the hardwiring!
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