PUA Forum :: is it really over?

so I've been dating this girl who transfered to my university this year.. she already has a LDR back in our hometown which is in another country, and she told me nothing is going to happen between us and that we can only be frds, and i was okay with it. Couple weeks after i met her, she asked to cross the friend line. We really dig for each other but she always struggle with her moral value and can't break up with her bf. I guess she really loves the guy, but she can't seem to leave me out of her life either. Our campus is really boring, and life really sucks if you are new to here.. I guess that's part of the reason.

Until recently when we are on christmas vacation, we both went back to our hometowns which isn't really far away from each other. She promised to visit me but she never really make time to see me. At first I was okay with it, I figure it'd be best to let her compare her bf with me. However 2 weeks have passed and I still didn't see her... then I became impatient and start to act like an AFC, telling her that I really want to see her.. a major wrong move, I know. But she always has some reason to put it off.

And then on my birthday(still on vacation), she didn't even bother to call me.. I texted her saying that I guess this is it then I don't mean anything outside the campus and we can't even be frds. She texted back saying that she really wants to cut it clean and that we simply can't be friends.. from now on we are nothing.

Now our vacation is over in 3 days... is it really over? Or just the fact that she's a good girl and seeing her bf made up her mind for now... her attitude completely changed during the time she's visiting her bf... I really like this girl and I know I'm ethically wrong to be involved from the start.. but there's something about her I just can't let go, even when I'm seeing other girls during the vacation and having everyone around me telling me that she's not worth it.. I really want to know if what's between us is really over, we still have 2 years of college ahead of us, which means another 2 years of LDR for her..

Author:	sinnerblue [ Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:	is it really over?
so I've been dating this girl who transfered to my university this year.. she already has a LDR back in our hometown which is in another country, and she told me nothing is going to happen between us and that we can only be frds, and i was okay with it. Couple weeks after i met her, she asked to cross the friend line. We really dig for each other but she always struggle with her moral value and can't break up with her bf. I guess she really loves the guy, but she can't seem to leave me out of her life either. Our campus is really boring, and life really sucks if you are new to here.. I guess that's part of the reason. Until recently when we are on christmas vacation, we both went back to our hometowns which isn't really far away from each other. She promised to visit me but she never really make time to see me. At first I was okay with it, I figure it'd be best to let her compare her bf with me. However 2 weeks have passed and I still didn't see her... then I became impatient and start to act like an AFC, telling her that I really want to see her.. a major wrong move, I know. But she always has some reason to put it off. And then on my birthday(still on vacation), she didn't even bother to call me.. I texted her saying that I guess this is it then I don't mean anything outside the campus and we can't even be frds. She texted back saying that she really wants to cut it clean and that we simply can't be friends.. from now on we are nothing. Now our vacation is over in 3 days... is it really over? Or just the fact that she's a good girl and seeing her bf made up her mind for now... her attitude completely changed during the time she's visiting her bf... I really like this girl and I know I'm ethically wrong to be involved from the start.. but there's something about her I just can't let go, even when I'm seeing other girls during the vacation and having everyone around me telling me that she's not worth it.. I really want to know if what's between us is really over, we still have 2 years of college ahead of us, which means another 2 years of LDR for her..

Author:	J_J_Okocha [ Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: is it really over?
Quote: so I've been dating this girl who transfered to my university this year.. she already has a LDR back in our hometown which is in another country, and she told me nothing is going to happen between us and that we can only be frds, and i was okay with it. Couple weeks after i met her, she asked to cross the friend line. We really dig for each other but she always struggle with her moral value and can't break up with her bf. I guess she really loves the guy, but she can't seem to leave me out of her life either. Our campus is really boring, and life really sucks if you are new to here.. I guess that's part of the reason. Until recently when we are on christmas vacation, we both went back to our hometowns which isn't really far away from each other. She promised to visit me but she never really make time to see me. At first I was okay with it, I figure it'd be best to let her compare her bf with me. However 2 weeks have passed and I still didn't see her... then I became impatient and start to act like an AFC, telling her that I really want to see her.. a major wrong move, I know. But she always has some reason to put it off. And then on my birthday(still on vacation), she didn't even bother to call me.. I texted her saying that I guess this is it then I don't mean anything outside the campus and we can't even be frds. She texted back saying that she really wants to cut it clean and that we simply can't be friends.. from now on we are nothing. Now our vacation is over in 3 days... is it really over? Or just the fact that she's a good girl and seeing her bf made up her mind for now... her attitude completely changed during the time she's visiting her bf... I really like this girl and I know I'm ethically wrong to be involved from the start.. but there's something about her I just can't let go, even when I'm seeing other girls during the vacation and having everyone around me telling me that she's not worth it.. I really want to know if what's between us is really over, we still have 2 years of college ahead of us, which means another 2 years of LDR for her.. just let her go. there is no reason to be worried about a girl that has a boyfriend, especially if she is acting the way she is acting. like u said u got two more years of college ahead of you...those are supposed to be good times. also she will probably contact u after a while wanting to hang or whatever. i wouldnt hang with her, especially since she pretty much disowned u once she got back to 'normal' life at her home. if u do hang with her though just tell her she can tag along, but dont be all over her. like if u go to a party with her, dont stand there talking to her the whole night, just go about having fun.

Author:	Brad- [ Thu Jan 01, 2009 12:16 am ]
Post subject:
Girls totally transmute their emotions onto whatever the "shiny object" is at the time. So when she was back home, it was BF timez for her. You should have just given her space, you KNEW she had a BF back home... The fact that you were cool with it is probably had a lot to do with why you guys hooked up in the first place. Now, you are in kind of a sticky situation. You need to downplay all the neediness you gave her over break. Somehow pretend like it didn't happen, you were joking, you were drunk or just be straight up... Not sure exactly what is the best bet here... More than likely though, it sounds like you probably freaked her out a bit, and it's probably over. Personally, I'd wait a week or two into the new school year, and if she still hasn't responded, text her something like: YOU: Hey... Things have been super crazy for me lately, hope I didn't scare u away. Lets meetup See if you get a response out of something like that.

Author:	Rye Lee [ Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:07 am ]
Post subject:
I agree with Brad, you were the cool guy that was there to meet her needs and that she connected with, but you didn't make her feel pressured to end her relationship or feel bad about it. Then you made her feel bad about the whole thing and caused her to decide it isn't worth it. She'll either find another guy that works for her like that, stay with her bf and not cheat anymore because she's afraid of other needy guys, or she'll break up with him in a while and find a new guy, but not you. Those are the most likely possibilities, although secret option D says that there is a slim chance you can just pretend it never happened or that you were drunk and lonely on your bday or something you can excuse as stupidity and not how you actually feel. The problem is that the damage is most likely done and now that her moral compass has told her that what she did was wrong, she probably won't change her mind back.

Author:	kasabi [ Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:45 am ]
Post subject:	Re: is it really over?
Quote: .. I texted her saying that I guess this is it then I don't mean anything outside the campus and we can't even be frds. She texted back saying that she really wants to cut it clean and that we simply can't be friends.. from now on we are nothing. . This is some hostile, malicious shit. How would you have felt if she wrote that to you? Flip all of this around . . . You're spending the Holidays with your long time girlfriend and a fling keeps texting you, making you all nervous and then finally texts that line of immaturity? You can't possibly be blaming this nearly psycho-stalker like crap on the fact that you "really, really, really like her." You have 2 years of school left. You'll surely be faced with more situations that test your emotions. You should focus on how to handle yourself for the next 2 years instead of focusing on this girl.

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Author:	sinnerblue [ Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:11 pm ]
Post subject:
i see... well I didn't tell her that "we can't be friends", 2 days before my bday we still have a good convo ending. I already gave up the thought of meeting her at that time but I thought at least a frd deserves a happy bday call. But she didn't call me on my bday so I thought she probably made up her mind, so it's more like a closure text.. the text i sent goes like this.. "so i guess this is it then, you really have cut it clean. i know i have been immature lately. u were right. hard fact is i really dun mean anything to you outside campus, not even a frd. i knew u remember just don't bother to call (bday). I won't hate you, i shud've known better.. sorry" and she text back: "I'm the one who should be sorry.. i regret every step i took to get to this point. happy new year and happy belated birthday. i'm sorry. i will no longer be anyone to you, not even a friend.. i hope you understand and forgive my decision. I really need to cut things clean... again, i'm really sorry." but yea I guess it's wrong to mess with a girl with a bf to begin with, I just thought im experienced enough to handle something like this. It just kills me knowing that I've lost a great person even just as a frd. She's a good girl and I know she didn't want to cheat becuz once in a while she always struggle and telling me those things.. at that time I said I respect every decision u made, but you shud just go with your feelings...and she always returned(except this time), although she never break up with her bf either.. well I guess that part alone made her not so great of a person.. I regret letting her cross the line in the first place, i guess if I really want her I shud've just waited.

Author:	kasabi [ Sat Jan 03, 2009 1:17 am ]
Post subject:
Ah . . . I read your initial post wrong. Brad and Rye are right. Out of sight, out of mind but you were forcing yourself into both.

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