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How do I become better at stating intentions?
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Author:  =Prize= [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  How do I become better at stating intentions?
When I like a girl or a girl likes me, I'm really bad at stating my intentions. If it's in everyday life I'd like to say something along the lines of "hey girl, I know you like me, I like you, I'm not interested in a relationship, wanna make out".

Like today I met with this girl at dance class who seems to be falling in love with me. I've tried to state the intentions above for the last five times I've met her. We haven't kissed (since I haven't been able to pull the trigger on stating my intentions)

I want to either be friends or have a fling. How do I get better at stating my intentions? Any exercise method?

The reasons to why I'm not good at this could probably be described in a multitude of ways. One thing is that I've had very few sexual or romantic relationships and I guess that whole field feels a little unknown and filled with uncertainty. That's my analysis at least.
Author:  Jaybot [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
This sounds like quite a direct way of going about it, I think (with this girl at least) it would be best to just chat with her then ask her if she wants to hangout sometime, then just run game as usual.
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
You need to embrace your inner girl to embrace your outer girl... ;) Did it make any sense at all?

If you say that then you are gonna be too direct you are gonna destroy all the tension of knowing or not knowing what is going on... As guys we like to get all the facts, we want to have rules and clear answers to those questions. For us it would be great if a girl arrived to a date saying, ok, were gonna have dinner, start making out for dessert and go to my place for sex.

Girls do not work that way. Sexual interest is subcommunicated! It is not spoken of! You have to show it in other ways than saying it, body language, tonality, proximity, kino, etc etc. These signals are difficult to learn but girls somehow understand them better than we do. Learn to speak female and you will see that you dont need to ask them anything, they already tell you what you need to know, you just have to see it.
Author:  =Prize= [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 11:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
ok, were gonna have dinner, start making out for dessert and go to my place for sex.
Ahh, the dream!

Thank you both for your helpful answers! There is one point I want to ask more about.

I usually assume that a girl wants a relationship. I'm not sure if this is true. Should I say sometime along the way that I'm not looking for a relationship? Or should I just let that take care of itself.

When I'm stating this question it sounds kind of easy :) If I think she's interested in a relationship, of course I should say that? And the way to say it doesn't have to be complicated.

I just need to man up. Easier said than done of course. I think this will take care of itself as I get more experience. Until then I'll try to focus more on this and actively look for opportunities to advance/state intentions. I'll start seeing it as one of my sticking points that needs more attention directed at it.

The thing is that when I don't take initiative in some way, I feel like a wuss. And I really don't like that. I feel like I've let both myself and the girl down. The positive thing is that I'm getting better :D Better at spreading the love.
Author:  Ezo [ Mon Dec 22, 2008 12:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, that question is also interesting. It is a misconception. Girls are like us in this sense. Some want to have relationships and some dont. The only thing we can do is to show two things:
1. The choice is hers, you are the kind of guy who sticks around when you are in a relationship.
2. You are not gonna fall in love with her just yet. She has to work for it (not like hard to get but it will take an active effort to make it happen, it is her choice)

Some girls are out to find a boyfriend but most of the hot girls (the ones with options) want to see how you are before they make the decision, girls make out with guys quite often and not many of these guys ever comes close to being boyfriends.

You have to read her subcommunication here as well, she expects you to understand by the vibe if this is only a thing for the night or if it is for a relationship. If you dont get it, try faking the two points I listed above, that put you in a zone between...

And between is where you wanna go right? ;)
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