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| how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=200780 |
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| Author: | nophonegame [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 6:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Everyone says be less needy. From articles to videos to forum posts...but they don't fully explain HOW to be less needy. I don't wanna sound like a whiner but what if you don't have much going for you? How are you supposed to not be needy? What if all the action you've gotten in the last four years was kissing a bunch of drunk girls at parties and your confidence is at an all-time low? What if people you thought were your friends only talk to you for school related things and when you text them about grabbing a beer they either ignore you or reply a day later with some shit excuse? What if no one ever texts you or cares about what you're up to on weekends and you spend over 90% of your Friday/Saturday nights alone in your room playing video games and jerking off to Pornhub? I just don't understand at this point. I have interesting hobbies. I'm not socially retarded. I do have kind of a polarizing personality but I'd rather be outspoken than boring. Am I just bad for whatever reason at forming non-superficial relationships with people? I'm definitely needy in every way even though I do a poor job of trying to hide it. Because I don't have much to fall back on. I want every interaction with people whether it's trying to make friends or hit on girls to go well cause those opportunities don't even come up often for me. Should I be trying a different strategy? Learn to accept my biggest fear which is loneliness? I see a lot of advice directed toward when you're feeling like shit that says go hang our with buddies or vent to a friend but it doesn't work when you don't have any. |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 12:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Go to a gym. Lift weights. Hit the heavy bag as hard and as fast as you can. It's your vibe. People want to associate with cool, happy people. Rev up your endorphins with high intensity interval training. Once you have a bunch of guys and girls wanting to hangout with you because of a more positive vibe, you'll be less needy. |
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| Author: | DJ_Z [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 1:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: Go to a gym. Lift weights. Hit the heavy bag as hard and as fast as you can. It's your vibe. People want to associate with cool, happy people. Rev up your endorphins with high intensity interval training. Once you have a bunch of guys and girls wanting to hangout with you because of a more positive vibe, you'll be less needy.
Meh.He is half right. If you have a confidence issue, set some goals and go work to accomplish them. I'm not talking about running a marathon, keep it basic. Be happy with your growth, and be able to be happy alone. Gotta be happy alone before you can be happy with others. Gym just has nothing to do with it. |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 4:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Endorphins (which your body secretes through exercise) trigger euphoria. Euphoria is a state of intense happiness and confidence. Exercising in venues where other people are exercising too (the gym) will make you strive more in your workout. It's your choice OP. Take the vague advice or take the specific one. |
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| Author: | Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 5:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
How not to be needy You don’t need to be a bad guy for women to be attracted to you. However, I personally believe in learning from others. So, yes, you can learn many things and habits from attractive men. Being late for a date – Women come late to dates all the time. It’s just a date, you can be 5 minutes late. In fact, you will find out that even if you are late, many times the girl will come even later. And don’t bring flowers! Don’t call more than once – You called the girl and she didn’t answer? There is nothing urgent that you need to tell her. She might call you back (some girls do), and if not, you can try calling again tomorrow. Don’t be too available – Don’t answer every call or text from her. If you are busy in the moment, she can wait. Show her that you have other things to do and other people to meet with. Yes, you can tell her that you are busy even if you’re not. But the better option is really to have hobbies and interesting things to do. Meet other women – A great way to not be needy is just to have other women and other options in your life. Unless you are already in a relationship, you can date several women at a time. React to her moves – Neediness is a relative thing. If a woman tells you that she loves you, you can say that too. But if she doesn’t answer your calls and texts, and starts being a bitch you, so do the same. Don’t show that you want her more than she wants you. |
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| Author: | Arch Stanton [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 6:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: Go to a gym. Lift weights. Hit the heavy bag as hard and as fast as you can. It's your vibe. People want to associate with cool, happy people. Rev up your endorphins with high intensity interval training. Once you have a bunch of guys and girls wanting to hangout with you because of a more positive vibe, you'll be less needy.
Agree with this 100%. Op needs to toughen up physically and mentally.It's proven science that working out makes you feel better than if you don't. People who work out have more energy, better vibes, and move faster, fuck longer, etc. The gym is an essential part of the well rounded PUA. |
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| Author: | Sonny Lofthus [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: How not to be needy
only to be completed.. dont call her out more than once... the ball is in her court, you have done your job as a man. in this moment, persistance is not necessary.
Don’t call more than once – You called the girl and she didn’t answer? There is nothing urgent that you need to tell her. She might call you back (some girls do), and if not, you can try calling again tomorrow. |
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| Author: | nophonegame [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 5:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
LOL probably shoulda mentioned that I've been lifting for years. Made some decent gains this year cause I'm actually following a program and trying to eat clean. I would say I'm pretty jacked and above average looking. Physically I'm fine. Problem is all mental. Maybe I'm just insecure about my lack of experience with women and lack of real friends. |
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| Author: | definition [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 12:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
You lack any purpose in your life. That's why you are needy and booring. Do you read books? First thing that came to my mind is that you could start fitness, gym tutorials. Create a web page, instagram page, youtube channel and facebook page for everyone to follow. Pay some guy to film and edit your videos in interesting way. Or do it yourself. That was just my idea. But maybe you have other desires that somehow got buried along the way. Have goals. |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 1:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: LOL probably shoulda mentioned that I've been lifting for years. Made some decent gains this year cause I'm actually following a program and trying to eat clean. I would say I'm pretty jacked and above average looking. Physically I'm fine. Problem is all mental. Maybe I'm just insecure about my lack of experience with women and lack of real friends.
How do you lift OP? Lifting heavy and slow will only shoot up your testosterone. What you need to shoot up is your endorphin level.Based on the vibe of your posts here, you're certainly NOT euphoric. Read some of Heywood Jablowme's and Majikal's posts. They are aggressive sometimes which means they're lifting heavy but they are also euphoric and passionate on most occasions. In the case of Majikal, he's doing several rounds on the heavy bag. The way you exercise will have a great effect on your state of mind. Overtraining will also have negative effects. Taking steroids will also have negative side effects. Most people will find high testosterone guys highly offensive and unsociable. Without a high endorphin level, exercise can be counter productive to your social life. |
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| Author: | nophonegame [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 9:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote:
How do you lift OP? Lifting heavy and slow will only shoot up your testosterone. What you need to shoot up is your endorphin level.
Been doing stronglifts 5x5 since the summer. Very little cardio although I recently got into rock climbing. No roids just protein. So you're saying do more cardio? Maybe some HIIT on the treadmill?
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| Author: | DJ_Z [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 11:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: Quote: LOL probably shoulda mentioned that I've been lifting for years. Made some decent gains this year cause I'm actually following a program and trying to eat clean. I would say I'm pretty jacked and above average looking. Physically I'm fine. Problem is all mental. Maybe I'm just insecure about my lack of experience with women and lack of real friends.
How do you lift OP? Lifting heavy and slow will only shoot up your testosterone. What you need to shoot up is your endorphin level.Based on the vibe of your posts here, you're certainly NOT euphoric. Read some of Heywood Jablowme's and Majikal's posts. They are aggressive sometimes which means they're lifting heavy but they are also euphoric and passionate on most occasions. In the case of Majikal, he's doing several rounds on the heavy bag. The way you exercise will have a great effect on your state of mind. Overtraining will also have negative effects. Taking steroids will also have negative side effects. Most people will find high testosterone guys highly offensive and unsociable. Without a high endorphin level, exercise can be counter productive to your social life. Op, you have to learn. Not anymore just goin out talking to girls. You want the skills? Go learn the skills. Be a mastery student as opposed to an outcome student. |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Thu Dec 29, 2016 12:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Quote: Stop diagnosing him with a medical condition like his hormones being outta whack just because you think squats solve all problems.
This is specific to the OP who claims to be jacked but with a polarizing personality. His original post has a depressive quality. He doesn't have friends who would like to hangout and have a couple of beers with him. Girls don't text him. Op, you have to learn. Not anymore just goin out talking to girls. You want the skills? Go learn the skills. Be a mastery student as opposed to an outcome student. He could follow several advices; not just mine. He could also choose not to follow my advice. It doesn't really matter whether he chooses to follow my advice or not. We are all trying to help him. What is your point? |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:08 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
Read this: pua-lounge/topic190620.html |
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| Author: | pumpington [ Fri Dec 30, 2016 4:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how are you supposed to be less needy? (cross-post) |
some things that could help are: -keeping yourself busy with hobbies, what ever they are, even video games and jerking off, just stay occupied but the suggestion to hit the gym is a great one -go out and actively seek out people to meet and talk to, be the initiator and set things up to form relationships, realize you are going to have to create situations that are appealing for people to get them motivated to come out, as it's typically easier to stay in unless the invite is appealing -meet enough women that you become numb and jaded to it, keep going until you start to not really view talking to a girl who is a stranger, or being stood up/flaked, or getting naked and seeing new boobs as some sort of a monumental thing of importance, when you feel sort of apathetic about it and it's just something you might attempt to do on a friday night just like any other, you will have killed off a lot of the neediness that comes with inexperience -you can also attempt to change your mental framing, try to shift from thinking in terms of what can you get from someone or some situation, into what can you give or how can you make it better; instead of focusing on how many people don't call you, or why you don't get invited to parties, invite people out to do stuff often, throw parties, instead of feeling down about why people flake you and why no one is trying to talk to you, go try to talk to people, and don't flake them when you get invites go out and do stuff, invite people to stuff, try to figure out what people are interested in and how to appeal to that, before you know it you will have more interpersonal relationships going on then you know how to manage and then it becomes about who do you prefer, what you enjoy doing and how to be inclusive of others in relation to your interests and how to organize relationships based on this without retreating into a mindset of being exclusive and ostracizing yourself, stay open minded and be open to doing things that you are not exactly comfortable with you'll find the more inclusive and open you are, and the more your social life grows, the more people will want to be a part of it, with the opposite occurring in reverse, the more closed off, the more exclusive you are and the more stagnant and non-existent your social life is, the less people will want to be a part of it, but you have to take the initiative to create good social conditions, don't rely on others to be inclusive of you, just be inclusive of them and it will start to grow, just keep meeting new people and continue to be inclusive of them, do all of this long enough and your mind will get stuck in an alternative form of organization of thoughts, where you're planning how to make things happen and include people instead of wanting other people to do things for you and being butt hurt about why things are not working out for you and how your NEEDS are not being met, bring the party for other people, don't need other people to bring the party for you |
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