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Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
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Author:  confusedkid [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 12:24 am ]
Post subject:  Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
So I met a really pretty girl I had a lot in common with, at the end of my second year of uni, started dating, getting together etc. She's final year but she's doing her next degree in the same city as I'm doing my year-long internship. She's now gone back to her country for the summer, however is back in July for 10 days with her family for graduation. We also talked about me visiting her in her country in August on holiday which she seemed really excited about. She left roughly on the 10th June. She told me to try and be free on the 19th July as she's free that day when she's back. She get's back on the 9th July, I believe. I messaged her Friday saying:

Me: "Are you free any of the days before the 19th - I start work the 19th so we'll get more time together! ;)"

Her: "Ooh i thought you started on the 20th, we are going to {city} for a couple of days and then we are doing day trips so im not sure :( but ill see and let you know closer to the time :)

Me: "Hmm I may have to consider a trip to {her country} then... :/

;)"

Her: "I think you should indeed :D"

-Then she sends massive happy face.-

At the start when she went back she was messaging me (first) all day, asking what I'm doing etc telling me she misses me. However over the last week, she seems to have lost interest somewhat, not even sending me snapchats every morning like she used to.

Today I suggested we SPAM (we haven't actually done that yet) and she said;

Her: "hellouuuuu, just came home from the beach (where i think ive burnt my knees :p) and I have to get ready and then I'll leave again ;p #alwaysinahurry what are you doing? "

I made a joke then told her I might be going to Italy. She then asked why, so I replied.

Me : "There was me thinking my spontaneity was part of the reason you liked me... :/ I guess it's just my looks..."

Her : "Hahaha you're crazy! ;p"

She then followed it up with;

Her: "we have a bit of an issue for the 19th but ill try and see whats actually happening tomorrow and let you know :/ "

Me: "That's a shame. What's up?"

Her: "My nan is probably coming from {other town} a day earlier to spend the day with me before we fly out!"

I just teased her about being unreliable, but she didn't reply despite being online later. Before this she was sending me snapchats of bars with live music telling me I would love it there etc, I think perhaps I've consciously made more of an effort to reply and talk to her since she moved abroad. I was being quite sweet i.e. telling her about some things that reminded me of her sometimes to which she replied with "I miss you :(" However these past few days she has responded a bit more generically. I'm sure I'm being a massive pussy over this, but I'm really worried she's losing interest. Am I better off taking a step back or will that only make her lose interest quicker?

She even made a theoretical list of all the things we need to do together when we're in the same city.

How can I reignite the spark from when we were together? When we're together everything's good, but I just feel like I can't convey myself and my personality over messaging etc. What do you guys suggest? Do you think when she gets back to my country she'll be reminded of me etc? I know she's been very busy lately.

To show it's not just soppy bullshit, last week we were talking about tennis, and me taking the piss out of her playing, then I said "I think you would look quite hot in tennis kit ;) " To which she replied;

Her : "I still have my skirt ;)"

Me: "That's the important thing!"

Her: "Exactly ;) So how was your day?"

So I was still keeping it flirty despite mentioning sweet things she likes.

I really dunno what to do guys, this is making me quite down and depressed.

All advice is appreciated.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 7:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Have you had sex?
Author:  confusedkid [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 7:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
No, I escalated each time she came round but she wasn't ready
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
How many of these sexless dates have occurred? Sounds to me she wasn't really interested to begin with.
Author:  confusedkid [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
How many of these sexless dates have occurred? Sounds to me she wasn't really interested to begin with.
3 times she came round. The last time it 'wasn't possible' though.

She was cancelling parties to spend her last few nights with me before she left. What do you think I should do?
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
She was cancelling parties to spend her last few nights with me before she left. What do you think I should do?
Sounds like you're trying to find excuses for her lack of action. She may have canceled parties to spend the last few nights with you, but she didn't spend any night with you so far.

Talk to other girls. Shift your attention to someone that wants similar things as you do. I wouldn't even say you're dating at this point. There's no solid foundation for even wanting to keep this flame alive for 3 months, you didn't even have sex. When she comes back you may revisit the though, but until then your efforts are better off elsewhere. Because ironically enough, the more you invest in her, especially in this situation, the more you'll push her away.

You're already showing signs of neediness by trying to fish validation off of her.
You're acting and talking as if you're in some kind of pseudorelationship. You're not.

That's not to say you should ignore her if she reaches out. Talk to her, keep it flirty but short and not too often. Once every 2-3 days is enough. Don't be so available. And don't seek for validation when you do talk. Keep it light.
Author:  neo87 [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 2:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Wtf...

Dudes are actually clinging to girls in another country.... But wait you'll get to do your internship in her city so it's ok? That's just so sad. Girl is in another country put her on the mother fucking back burner. Like wtf happened to the back burner?
Author:  nr32 [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
I have a friend who's dating a girl in Sweden. They've been at it for 3 years, and they're always on a SPAM video call whenever they're both awake, like even when they're doing other things. She visits or he visits whenever (e.g. summer vacation). So it can work, but you're going to have long periods of a sex drought :P

That being said, this guy was still dating other girls before he fell in love with that girl, but in your case it's just the scarcity mentality.
Author:  confusedkid [ Wed Jul 06, 2016 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
Quote:
She was cancelling parties to spend her last few nights with me before she left. What do you think I should do?
Sounds like you're trying to find excuses for her lack of action. She may have canceled parties to spend the last few nights with you, but she didn't spend any night with you so far.

Talk to other girls. Shift your attention to someone that wants similar things as you do. I wouldn't even say you're dating at this point. There's no solid foundation for even wanting to keep this flame alive for 3 months, you didn't even have sex. When she comes back you may revisit the though, but until then your efforts are better off elsewhere. Because ironically enough, the more you invest in her, especially in this situation, the more you'll push her away.

You're already showing signs of neediness by trying to fish validation off of her.
You're acting and talking as if you're in some kind of pseudorelationship. You're not.

That's not to say you should ignore her if she reaches out. Talk to her, keep it flirty but short and not too often. Once every 2-3 days is enough. Don't be so available. And don't seek for validation when you do talk. Keep it light.
Thanks for your reply. It really hit home.

The last two weeks she was messaging me something at least everyday. Today I only got a reply to me teasing her for being unreliable to which she replied "Hahaha indeed :p"

I haven't replied. If I don't send her anything in the next couple of days will it not look perhaps like I'm sulking?
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 8:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
I haven't replied. If I don't send her anything in the next couple of days will it not look perhaps like I'm sulking?
If she doesn't send you anything in the next couple of days will you think she's sulking or will you think she's busy living life?
Stop being so invested in what she thinks/does/says or doesn't.

Take a step back and realize you're too invested. Let her chase you for a change. If she's interested, she will. If she's not, you won't change her mind by subcommunicating to her that a girl in a different country is your best and probably only option. There's nothing sexy about that.
Author:  confusedkid [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
I did message her today as I saw on her snapchat story her university results are out (final years only), and after speaking to some female friends they convinced me it would look extremely rude if I didn't ask. They seemed to think I was in a relationship wit her despite me telling them it's much more confusing than that's

In the first few weeks she went back home she was sending me snapchats of her as a baby and pictures of her family. Does this mean anything? Apologies if not, and in just trying to convince myself otherwise.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 3:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
and after speaking to some female friends they convinced me it would look extremely rude if I didn't ask
No. You sent that text because they told you what you wanted to hear regardless of how bad the advice was.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
I did message her today as I saw on her snapchat story her university results are out (final years only), and after speaking to some female friends they convinced me it would look extremely rude if I didn't ask. They seemed to think I was in a relationship wit her despite me telling them it's much more confusing than that's

In the first few weeks she went back home she was sending me snapchats of her as a baby and pictures of her family. Does this mean anything? Apologies if not, and in just trying to convince myself otherwise.
You blew it with your only option now what?
Author:  nr32 [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
Quote:
Does this mean anything?
No.
Author:  neo87 [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Maintaining Interest over Long Distance
All this for a chick you don't sleep with?
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