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2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
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Author:  groovy_boy [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:34 pm ]
Post subject:  2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Hard to get and challenging or not very interested?

Met on dating app, I projected my confidence and wittiness, got her number, arranged a coffee date (she had to buy me coffee for winning a little quiz game I made up while chatting on the dating app).

1st date:
Before the first date, I bought a small gift for her; a black BIC lighter with reference to a joke we made (she asked if I would kidnap her and steal her kidneys, I said “No, The lungs are more in demand”, she said she will start smoking from that day, I sent a screenshot of instructions how to smoke for beginners where it said that you should have a BIC lighter and I emphasized that the lighter should be BIC.
Place was in a park next to the sea where you can chill, lay back and see the view of the city and skyscrapers across the gulf. Interaction was fun and relaxed but did not have the chance to escalate much in a public place where kissing is forbidden, apart from light touch and then resting my hands on her. When we were leaving she offered to drive me and drop me to my car which was parked further away.

2nd date ( a week later):
Shisha date with the aim to invite her over for drinks to my place later (10km out of town). She agreed to meet straight away when I told her 3 days in advance. I was going to confirm her the place later on. The date was ok, was sitting on a table and there was also football match from Euro 2016 on the screens, kept it light and fun, with 2 way teasing but again I couldn’t escalate much apart from light touch. I tried to find indirectly is she is up to drinking and then asked her if she staying awake late since she usually does that but she said she is gonna sleep early cause the class was exhausting. I decided not to tell her to come over and leave it for the next time.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
did not have the chance to escalate much in a public place where kissing is forbidden
Quote:
but again I couldn’t escalate much apart from light touch
If you have any experience in bodybuilding or general fitness you'll know that your workouts are about 30-35% while your diet is actually 65-70% of the entire process. In other words, you sculpt your body in the kitchen.

Escalating is the dieting equivalent in pickup.
Author:  groovy_boy [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Post in incomplete.. Half of my post cannot be uploaded , I broke it into two pieces to see if the fist one is uploaded

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I have pasted bits of conversation from SPAM. Does this have anything to do with that? I will paste the rest of the conversation later.
Author:  groovy_boy [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Next day conversation (17.06.2016):

Me: (Sexy dark image of my face and shoulder in bed)
Me: A new fasting vampire has been born ( reference to joke for her waking up at 14:00 and being a vampire) What have you done to me?
Her: My bad :cry:
Me: I need to feed :twisted:
Her: What's your game plan
Me: Hunting.. but in the meanwhile doing some sides
Me: (Picture of marinated steak) No this is for tomorrow
Her: Well done " Italy" Well done
Me: (breakfast pic)
Her: Good for you
ME: With the secret ingredients coffee protein shake.. well sometime i can cook sthng good for you too
Her: Breakfast for champions
Me: And not be so selfish
her: it's getting me to not eat that's the isse and not eating good stuff
Me: Are you starving yourself
Her: Yes
Me: Awww so you are really fasting
Her: Absolutely
Me: Sure. It's terrible out today. No beach.

No reply

19.06.2016:
ME: still "grounded"?
Her: kind of
Me: Physical existence on earth and head in the clouds kind of? :D
Her: Hmmm not really but I am happy to see you enjoy your own wittiness
Kind of as in quick flight here and there
Me: I do enjoy it :D "Here and there" is within next couple of days? Are you free on Tuesday
Her: Oh that only God and crew planning can answer (she works for private jet airline with any time duty calls) What's happening on Tuesday?
Me: You are worshiping "boss" as God! Blasphemy
Well I 'm thinking to cook sthng kind of gourmet, like chicken with secret ingredient sauce. Some side dishes. And red wine
Her: And you need someone to do the dishes after hence the question what am I doing on Tuesday?
Me: - Someone's gotta take one for the team with the boring and repetitive task.
- You are lucky though.. we got a guy who cleans every day
- you 'll just eat
Her: Oh wow look at me being born under a lucky star and all
Me: Woohoo
Her: I didn't say it will happen lol
Me: You didn't say it will not happen though
20.45 is good?
Her; I really can't answer that (timing tells me that was for the first message "before the 20.45 is good")
Me: The time?

She didn’t reply and no contact since. Now looking back I see that my last message I just backed down easily without giving any statement afterwards. I felt like she was going to come because she was playing along just like the other times she was teasing me and challenging me when I asked her out (both dates) but then I left it there.

My first thought of action was to call her the next day (just like I did last time to confirm the shisha date) since it would just be one day before the supposed date and there would be less likelihood to be called for work in the last minute, chit chat a bit, tell her the plan about dinner, ask her to join me and see her reaction. I kept thinking that she is not interested, otherwise she would reply something and so I did nothing.

Now I cannot decide whether I should try pursue her once more or not, my impression is that she is not interested. In general she doesn’t initiate the texting apart from updating the logistics at the time of the date. The replies are usually teasing, challenging and funny but mostly short. While the interaction is fun I find it unattractive and too much work to do on my behalf to always reach for her while it should be more of a 2 way if a girl is interested. I am not sure if being Eastern European has something to do with this with the mentality that an interested man should pursuit the women.

Should I wait a couple of days and call her, tease her and say that the house cleaning is going to be away for some time and I need her help to wash the dishes?
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Sorry to tell you this, but judging by the lack of excitement and intimacy on the dates coupled with the lack of interest in your text messages (including the no response to your invite) tells you that this girl isn't interested.
Author:  neo87 [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Where is kissing forbidden?
Author:  groovy_boy [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 7:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
Where is kissing forbidden?
Middle east. Gulf countries.To be honest i did kiss in the car (and more) few girls but need to be careful. Truth is i could have escalated more physically but not on the 2nd place, it was not the best choice of venue and setup perhaps..

Well it doesn't always work out, sometimes they are attracted to you sometimes not. I know she is definitely playing the field (just as i am, went with another girl out a couple of times recently in the same period, she is interested in me but she is not really my type so i didn't proceed further.. Seems like the type wanting something serious but again i ll be honest with myself i am not attracted to her so much sexually to pursue since she seems she wants something more serious).

Back to the first girl, while with me somebody was calling her and she muted the phone and put it away in her bag. Before that while talking I asked her to show me some pose from the pole dancing she does and she thought she had already sent me the pic (probably to someone else) :) as for the text messages they had always been short and still wanted to meet me.. Is it her or is it what i also do when i lack serious interest for someone.

Question 1: Do i get into contact few days down the line and try once more to set up a meeting?

Question2: I am ok with "rejection" or if someone is not interested for a romantic relationship. Sometime from my side too. Some girls are cool and i wouldnt mind to be friends and hang out from time to time in a let's just be friends way. I was always wondering how to convey this message.. This could be a thread on its own.
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Jun 22, 2016 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
I don't get why you want to contact her. If I ask a girl out and she answers by not responding...I'm not going to ask her out again. I wouldn't even want to call her a friend. All of my current friends would respond if I asked if they wanted to hang out even if they were busy.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jun 23, 2016 7:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
You guys need to learn to cut your losses.
Author:  groovy_boy [ Thu Jun 23, 2016 11:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
I don't get why you want to contact her. If I ask a girl out and she answers by not responding...I'm not going to ask her out again. I wouldn't even want to call her a friend. All of my current friends would respond if I asked if they wanted to hang out even if they were busy.
Gotcha. I usually cut my loses fast. Had a small moment of doubt that I could have handled it better.. The moment of truth is that I observed that if I have to post about a particular case, it means that there is already troubled waters and is unlikely to go anywhere, otherwise I can handle it my self and progress it.

Anyway I am shifting my focus to question 2, which had been a question that I had been having for some time. Apart from dating I am open to expanding my social circle and making new female friends. Is it possible to shift from a "dating" frame to a "friendship" frame once the objective was established as the former? When one of the two is not interested romantically they reject the other person's advances to proceed, avoid to meet and reduce communication.

When I meet a new woman from online and I judge that I am not super interested sexually and that she will not be up to a casual sex encounter, I drop her after one date. If she is interesting and is good company then I could keep her as a friend and lately I am meeting more interesting and smart women. The one approach is to be straight up honest and say the Let's just be friends. The other case is other way round, with women that I wanted at some point at the past to make it sexual but they were not interested and did not happen. I could honestly see some them become friends and there is nothing wrong with having females in your circle. However realistically people who did not want to pursuit you romantically are not really interested for anything else.

So I will ask:

1st scenario: You meet someone cool and intelligent, you are sexually interested in the girl and she is not. How likely is to be friends after she shows she is not interested? I would say chances are pretty low.

2nd scenario: They are interested but I am not.

Example: Girl 2 I mentioned before, seems interested in me, is quite intelligent, checked on me after few days of no contact. Does not seem she would want casual sex but something serious while I am not interested to pursuit a relationship with her because primarily does not score huge points in sexual attraction even though she is decently attractive and I would bang her. To be honest I would never go into a relationship with her because of cultural, religious and lifestyle differences. For the above reasons I was holding back to escalate. Nevertheless I would like to hang out from time to time, should I be straightforward and tell her or will she be let down if I 'll be honest.

Girl 3 (I am interested in friendship): Met through dating app, told me to add her on fb. Had a couple of fun conversations, intellectual, cool and intelligent type, has a good social life and circle and we have a couple of common acquaintances. After seeing a few of her pictures she is cute but I do not find her body type sexually attractive for me. I threw a comment sometime that she would make a good friend to set up a friendship frame. Did not meet yet, as I had been too busy to ask for a meetup last 3 weeks and when I asked 2 days back she is leaving for holidays in few days. Do I tell her before we meet that I am only interested for friendship to set the expectations or otherwise I do not mention it at all and just hang out.

Meanwhile I am trying to "cook" some other dating prospects and keep the two above in friendship zone.
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Jun 23, 2016 3:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
1st scenario: You meet someone cool and intelligent, you are sexually interested in the girl and she is not. How likely is to be friends after she shows she is not interested? I would say chances are pretty low.

2nd scenario: They are interested but I am not.
I can say that both things can happen, but usually both of those friendships are somewhat of a lie.

If a girl says let's just be friends and a guy agrees to do it, I believe he is holding onto something to happen later on down the line. I think women are generally the same way, but can let go of that feeling when they start finding out more about their new "friend".
Author:  n2thevoid [ Thu Jun 23, 2016 4:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
You guys need to learn to cut your losses.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
Next day conversation (17.06.2016):

Me: (Sexy dark image of my face and shoulder in bed)
Me: A new fasting vampire has been born ( reference to joke for her waking up at 14:00 and being a vampire) What have you done to me?
Her: My bad :cry:
Me: I need to feed :twisted:
Her: What's your game plan


This is gamey. And why the selfie? Dominant men don't send selfies to women. I wouldn't do this to a woman who I'd been fucking for six months, and you've never fucked this girl.




Quote:
Me: Hunting.. but in the meanwhile doing some sides
Me: (Picture of marinated steak) No this is for tomorrow
Too much investment, dude. What's with all the text photos?

Quote:
Her: Well done " Italy" Well done
Me: (breakfast pic)
Her: Good for you
ME: With the secret ingredients coffee protein shake.. well sometime i can cook sthng good for you too
Her: Breakfast for champions
Me: And not be so selfish
her: it's getting me to not eat that's the isse and not eating good stuff
Me: Are you starving yourself
Her: Yes
Me: Awww so you are really fasting
Her: Absolutely
Me: Sure. It's terrible out today. No beach.
Boring.

Set a date ASAP.. You talked her out of liking you.
Quote:
No reply
No shit. Selfies and offering to cook for her = too much, too soon.

Quote:
19.06.2016:
ME: still "grounded"?
Her: kind of
Me: Physical existence on earth and head in the clouds kind of? :D
Her: Hmmm not really but I am happy to see you enjoy your own wittiness
Kind of as in quick flight here and there
Me: I do enjoy it :D "Here and there" is within next couple of days? Are you free on Tuesday
Her: Oh that only God and crew planning can answer (she works for private jet airline with any time duty calls) What's happening on Tuesday?
Me: You are worshiping "boss" as God! Blasphemy
Well I 'm thinking to cook sthng kind of gourmet, like chicken with secret ingredient sauce. Some side dishes. And red wine
Her: And you need someone to do the dishes after hence the question what am I doing on Tuesday?
Me: - Someone's gotta take one for the team with the boring and repetitive task.
- You are lucky though.. we got a guy who cleans every day
- you 'll just eat
Her: Oh wow look at me being born under a lucky star and all
Me: Woohoo
Her: I didn't say it will happen lol
Me: You didn't say it will not happen though
20.45 is good?
Her; I really can't answer that (timing tells me that was for the first message "before the 20.45 is good")
Me: The time?
My God, man. Soooo much waffling and hemming and hawing. You're overthinking. Needy question right at the start. This is what you should have texted on 19.06.2016:

You: Bar X, 10.

Her: I don't know.

You: Cool. Hit me up when you figure out your schedule.


Then you walk the fuck away.


Quote:
She didn’t reply and no contact since.
Yeah, not surprised.
Quote:
Now looking back I see that my last message I just backed down easily without giving any statement afterwards. I felt like she was going to come because she was playing along just like the other times she was teasing me and challenging me when I asked her out (both dates) but then I left it there.
no, you lost her with the first text volley of food selfies and vampire talk.

Quote:
Now I cannot decide whether I should try pursue her once more or not, my impression is that she is not interested. In general she doesn’t initiate the texting apart from updating the logistics at the time of the date. The replies are usually teasing, challenging and funny but mostly short. While the interaction is fun I find it unattractive and too much work to do on my behalf to always reach for her while it should be more of a 2 way if a girl is interested. I am not sure if being Eastern European has something to do with this with the mentality that an interested man should pursuit the women.
Don't contact her for two weeks. Then hit her up with a direct and decisive text:

"Bar X. 10."


She either wants to see you or not. The gamey texts you sent damaged your chances.
Author:  groovy_boy [ Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Arch anston thank you for your input and the advice to be direct. However I disagree with some of your views which are extreme. 6 months of fucking someone to send a selfie which isnt even naked?

It might have come as strong I agree. However if she was more interested it wouldn't matter and would have continued fun conversation and texting. I do like playing with texting and maybe there were signs of overinvestment but i won't go into how I could have done it differently because i think it wouldnt have much of a different result. You shouldn't need to game someone so hard to become interested in you after 2 meetings in real life. Not feeling ready to come over to your place even if it doesn't lead to sex? Not very interested..

For the record we did exchange some selfies before and i was comfortable with that. Before we met up, she had sent me one with funny face laying on the couch to convince me she was not a big black dude and I had sent at the time of our meetup with also funny face showing the background for her to see where i was.

For the time being i will look into other prospects and leave this one aside. Bars are opening again 2nd week of july and she will be out of the country for couple of weeks so looking into over a month later. Don't see it happening
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Jun 24, 2016 9:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 2 dates. Invitation for cooking at my home brushed off
Quote:
Arch anston thank you for your input and the advice to be direct. However I disagree with some of your views which are extreme. 6 months of fucking someone to send a selfie which isnt even naked?
You're welcome.

WOMEN send selfies via text, not men. Dominant men do not take pics of themselves and send to girls on FB or text. This is very feminine behavior. Dominant men do not have time to take a selfie, edit it, and then text it to a woman. They are working on their business, their fitness level, reading great book, listening to quality music, etc.

*if* she asks for something, go ahead, but proceed with caution.




Quote:
I do like playing with texting and maybe there were signs of overinvestment but i won't go into how I could have done it differently because i think it wouldnt have much of a different result. You shouldn't need to game someone so hard to become interested in you after 2 meetings in real life. Not feeling ready to come over to your place even if it doesn't lead to sex? Not very interested..
Well she did go on two dates with you, right? From the information you've given, you contacted her tooo much via text.
Quote:
For the time being i will look into other prospects and leave this one aside. Bars are opening again 2nd week of july and she will be out of the country for couple of weeks so looking into over a month later. Don't see it happening

Good luck. Leave his one be for a bit and she might come back. However, you did not have sex with her or make her orgasm, which just doesn't bode well, IHMO.

Next time you get a woman on two dates, physically escalate. She gave you a second chance, then probably dropped you.
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