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Do I give up on her?
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Author:  Arcanefire1 [ Mon May 30, 2016 12:31 am ]
Post subject:  Do I give up on her?
Hi guys,

First off, thank you for taking the time to read.

There is a woman who I am very passionate about. After much work, we finally hooked and have been on for a few months. Here's where it starts getting complicated:

1. A month in she tells me she has had a bf for many years but he has cheated on her several times and she is not happy.
2. Three weeks ago she moves to another city to take a job. She asked me what she should do because she wanted to stay with me but I could not keep her from her dream job.
3. She has become really distant since moving. Yes, she has decided to invite me out to visit but she just feels cold and detached. On a call, she told me her new job is just taking up all her time but that she still thinks of me? It doesn't feel like it.
4. She has maintained her relationship with her bf long distance but I can't see how they are happy.

I am very interested in this woman for a long term relationship, and I do not know how to proceed. I do not want to chase or feel desperate but I also do not want to be forgotten.

Could her feelings for me have changed that fast?

Many thanks,
Rich
Author:  JackZero [ Mon May 30, 2016 12:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Why do you think her feelings for you was any more than a crush or that you were being used to fill in an emotional need that she wasn't getting from her relationship?

My personal opinion here, so don't take this than more than that. Getting attached to a woman that cheats on someone for you is stupid. She has shown you how she deals with not being satisfied in a relationship. In your case, it is worse because she is staying in the relationship so you are nothing more than a temporary FWB just like the other guys she's cheated with. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're the guy that has come into her life and makes everything better.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Mon May 30, 2016 1:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
Why do you think her feelings for you was any more than a crush or that you were being used to fill in an emotional need that she wasn't getting from her relationship?

My personal opinion here, so don't take this than more than that. Getting attached to a woman that cheats on someone for you is stupid. She has shown you how she deals with not being satisfied in a relationship. In your case, it is worse because she is staying in the relationship so you are nothing more than a temporary FWB just like the other guys she's cheated with. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're the guy that has come into her life and makes everything better.

The way a person deals with frustration/problems says a lot about them. OP I suggest you don't consider a relationship with this woman. She will do this to you. Just as we speak, I am talking to a girl who hits me up every single day. She even arranged a date for us...and she has a boyfriend. Now what if I decided to get with her ? Will I trust her after knowing she does shady things. No one is perfect. The girl your passionate about isn't perfect. Jack gave you his opinion. I agree with him. Now, you're probably in love love land and won't digest this advice but you came here with a question and you were given answers. If you don't like it...please go on and do what you gotta do but come back and post an update. I will be very curious to see what happens.
Author:  Arcanefire1 [ Mon May 30, 2016 3:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Thank you both for these insights. My logic tells me you are right, but as Mr. Assertive astutely points out, it isn't that simple.

This could take a few weeks to unfold but I promise to return with an update!
Author:  Arcanefire1 [ Sat Jun 11, 2016 1:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Thought I would give you gents an update.

After being distant for a few weeks she ended up coming on a two day trip that we had scheduled together. Ahe did not seem like herself and when we finally got to the awkward part of talking about it, she explained how she has rationalized that she would like to make things work with her ex and how we are incompatible long term.

This is very painful at the moment but probably for the best.

What i do not understand, is why she came on the trip to begin with instead of finding an excuse to cancel.
Author:  Dragula [ Sat Jun 11, 2016 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
This is very painful at the moment but probably for the best.

What i do not understand, is why she came on the trip to begin with instead of finding an excuse to cancel.
Free holiday I guess...

What I do not understand, is why you would pay for a trip when you could have just talked about it over a simple coffee? Or even a better, a phone call/text?

I suspect you were hoping a romantic time would sway her decision from being on the fence to some red wine and chill.

But that is just really the wrong the frame since YOU are the prize, right?
Author:  JackZero [ Sat Jun 11, 2016 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
What i do not understand, is why she came on the trip to begin with instead of finding an excuse to cancel.
Quote:
you are nothing more than a temporary FWB just like the other guys she's cheated with.
Quote:
My logic tells me you are right
You knew what was going on but you were thinking that you could be the one who could change her. She made her boyfriend look bad and made you feel like you were the one that could save her from a bad relationship. That's a tactic that guys with girlfriends/wives use to keep their girls on the side around. You got played and the best thing you can do now is realize all the signs were there but you chose to ignore them. Live, learn, and do better next time.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Sat Jun 11, 2016 9:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
Thought I would give you gents an update.

What i do not understand, is why she came on the trip to begin with instead of finding an excuse to cancel.


It is your job and your only job to lead where your life will go. I am going to call you out on this because you messaged me privately and told me about your trip. I gave you an idea of what I would have done. I even said what might happen if you let her go on this trip. But you know what, you live and learn. That's what it is all about. People are given advice and if they need to learn the hard way, I won't knock on you for that. Just don't try to act all surprised when she acts this way because you knew deep down she wasn't being herself. You knew she was slipping. She came for the ride. She didn't want to be with you. She probably wanted to chill somewhere.
Author:  Arcanefire1 [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
i can't argue with you guys, but i guess i needed to make my own mistakes.
here is the most bizarre thing: on the last night of the trip she came around and was really into me, so we spent the night together.
after the trip, i try to maintain and she tells me that she still has feelings for me but is laser focused on her job, whether she reconciles with her bf or not.
1. big picture - i need to run for the hills don't i?
2. if i actually like this girl and stubbornly want to persist, is there a viable strategy?
thanks to all.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
i can't argue with you guys, but i guess i needed to make my own mistakes.
here is the most bizarre thing: on the last night of the trip she came around and was really into me, so we spent the night together.
after the trip, i try to maintain and she tells me that she still has feelings for me but is laser focused on her job, whether she reconciles with her bf or not.
1. big picture - i need to run for the hills don't i?
2. if i actually like this girl and stubbornly want to persist, is there a viable strategy?
thanks to all.

The other strategy is to find a girl that values your cock. She doesn't. It is time to move on.
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 3:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
i can't argue with you guys, but i guess i needed to make my own mistakes.
here is the most bizarre thing: on the last night of the trip she came around and was really into me, so we spent the night together.
after the trip, i try to maintain and she tells me that she still has feelings for me but is laser focused on her job, whether she reconciles with her bf or not.
1. big picture - i need to run for the hills don't i?
2. if i actually like this girl and stubbornly want to persist, is there a viable strategy?
thanks to all.
Why this girl OP? She's a habitual cheater and now she's telling you if she breaks it off with her boyfriend that you still don't have a chance at a relationship with her. What exactly makes her so great that it makes you want to give up your self respect for her?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
on the last night of the trip she came around and was really into me, so we spent the night together.
You fucked her then? Good. Now tell her to pick her fanny up and fuck off and not to trip over a nipple on her way out....
Author:  DJ_Z [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 5:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
These hoes ain't loyal
Author:  Dragula [ Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
Quote:
2. if I actually like this girl and stubbornly want to persist, is there a viable strategy?
thanks to all.
Do you know there are other girls on this planet? A lot them could actually like and even respect you if you actually made an effort to be good with women
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jun 16, 2016 8:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Do I give up on her?
It's always the same.

People need to grow some self love before they come onto this forum.

Then again if they did forums like this would probably not exist.
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