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Stay in Set or Reject?
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Author:  Traveller_X [ Sat Dec 19, 2015 8:59 am ]
Post subject:  Stay in Set or Reject?
Hi,

Lets say I sit down with a set of three. My state and conversational skills is average. I engage in short ~1 min convo. The girls interact but dont give me too much too work with. As soon as I stop leading conversation and asking questions (I dont want to ask too many) they talk among themselves ignoring me. I reengage and they respond and they are friendly but will go back to talking among themselves after. I feel I have to do 90% of work.


In this scenario should I:

eject or stay in set?

Any tips to keeping their attention while in set?


Two examples from a recent night (I was not in my best state):

I sit with 3 set. They seem reasonably bored before I come. They are friendly and talk for about 1-2 mins. I stop talking and they talk among themselves. I decide to stay with them but look away towards the bar just observing ppl and enjoying music.

After 3 min I decide to do something so I sit next to one girl and put my arm around her. I ask what are they talking about. She laughs and seems to enjoy attention. As soon as I stop asking questions she turns to her friends who are opposite to me.

After about 4 mins she says they are going towards bar for drink.
End


Set 2:

I sit with another 3 set who are at table some smoking outside. I light a cigarette and move a seat next to their table. They seemed a bit shocked that I just joined them without asking like that and are not particularly friendly, nevertheless respond to my attempts at conversation.

If I dont lead conversation though they start ignoring me and talk among themselves.

I re-engaged and said some funny things and they seemed to get a bit more comfortable with me and laughed. But If I dont say anything they again just talk among themselves.

My cigarette finished and I say bye and eject.


How should I have acted?

Thanks for advice :)
Author:  Dragula [ Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stay in Set or Reject?
Your 1st impression is good if they let you put your arm around them, girls react well to insta physical escalation, especially in groups. But then when you start to open your mouth it goes to shit.

Sounds like you are just doing small talk? and not using game. Whenever you feel like the group is getting bored use this as a life line:

"This chat is poor, ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRLFRIEND OR NOT?!" And then play along with it, this will spark some reciprocation and might lead into some better threads.

Your game/flirting needs work, stop talking about the weather and what they do for a living and talk more about how you caught her looking at your ass in the reflection of her glass.

Then when she into you, take her to the bar for a drink, if she already has a drink, get her to join you for a shot...Get it?

I always preset some eye contact before opening anyway so that they are expecting me.
Author:  Traveller_X [ Sun Dec 20, 2015 2:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Stay in Set or Reject?
Quote:
Your 1st impression is good if they let you put your arm around them, girls react well to insta physical escalation, especially in groups. But then when you start to open your mouth it goes to shit.

Sounds like you are just doing small talk? and not using game. Whenever you feel like the group is getting bored use this as a life line:

"This chat is poor, ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRLFRIEND OR NOT?!" And then play along with it, this will spark some reciprocation and might lead into some better threads.

Your game/flirting needs work, stop talking about the weather and what they do for a living and talk more about how you caught her looking at your ass in the reflection of her glass.

Then when she into you, take her to the bar for a drink, if she already has a drink, get her to join you for a shot...Get it?

I always preset some eye contact before opening anyway so that they are expecting me.
Your assessment is correct. Its a very common pattern that repeats itself for me and is a bit frustrating.

I can open ok, I can escalate, in a 1-1 situation like date I can have meaningful deeper convo and build rapport. I am interesting person with interesting life (i believe).

but I am rubbish at this intermediate banter fun talk/interaction about nothing. I can only do it for a few minutes at most before I run out and my only resort is silence or boring convo.

Its a big problem for me.

What things I could do to improve that?

I can always just open more sets but it usually ends with same pattern, I gotta do something different.
Author:  Dragula [ Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Stay in Set or Reject?
This is where some routines might help you out.
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