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How did you get confidence? How did you start?
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Author:  Mayketi [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:34 am ]
Post subject:  How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Hello guys I'm suffering from approach anixety. The problem is that I dont think nothing in my head, I dont give a shit about what to say, is anyone listening to me, what if she rejects me... and stuff like that. My mind is calm but the problem is that I just CANT approach. The girl likes me, we have eye contact and I CANT approach. Why is this happening? How do I get confidence? Is there any program that I can follow to get confidence? I heard about demonic confidence, what do you think about it?
Author:  Macster [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
I made a post a bit further down yesterday.

And i feel like i made a big step on friday night. I have been out a few times and had the same problem i just dunno what it was but i didn't want to approach or anything. It wasn't necessarily about the rejection i seem to get hit on a bit anyway because i am tall and in really good shape. But i have always had mental issues with stuff like this and still not feeling good enough.

I'd go out and barely make progress then the other night something just clicked I had some drinks etc and once i had randomly spoke to one girl i just kept on going and then i just wasn't bothered at all. I wasn't trying to get any numbers or anything i just went upto them and said "Wow, you are very attractive" and every single one of them would be thankful and at this point you can tell they are the ones who feel worse than you because how can this guy just randomly come up and say that he must be confident! Then i would talk with them and i would always make my excuse to leave but because i done that when they saw me again they would either smile at me or just approach me.

It literally is i think about just forcing yourself to do it that one time. Although i wouldn't say i have conquered it i know when i am out next weekend it will bee atleast 90% easier.
Author:  Mayketi [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 11:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Quote:
I made a post a bit further down yesterday.

And i feel like i made a big step on friday night. I have been out a few times and had the same problem i just dunno what it was but i didn't want to approach or anything. It wasn't necessarily about the rejection i seem to get hit on a bit anyway because i am tall and in really good shape. But i have always had mental issues with stuff like this and still not feeling good enough.

I'd go out and barely make progress then the other night something just clicked I had some drinks etc and once i had randomly spoke to one girl i just kept on going and then i just wasn't bothered at all. I wasn't trying to get any numbers or anything i just went upto them and said "Wow, you are very attractive" and every single one of them would be thankful and at this point you can tell they are the ones who feel worse than you because how can this guy just randomly come up and say that he must be confident! Then i would talk with them and i would always make my excuse to leave but because i done that when they saw me again they would either smile at me or just approach me.

It literally is i think about just forcing yourself to do it that one time. Although i wouldn't say i have conquered it i know when i am out next weekend it will bee atleast 90% easier.
So you just forced yourself and thats it? Well maybe this is happening to me beacuse I don't follow 3 second rule. Because I really dont care about rejections and stuff.
Author:  Dragula [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 11:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Image

If I put a gun to your head and told you to do it, you would probably do it. You need to bruise your ego in order for you to grow. Simple as that.

The only reason these Anxiety programs work is because you have invested your money on the line and are more likely to do it. Same goes for bootcamps or one on one training. They only work because people don't want to waste their hard earned money. It's no coincidence that the people that torrent these programs don't handle their shit because they haven't put anything down on the line.

Don't waste your money, there is enough free content out there. I find this to be highly effective. Give a friend $100 and get him to promise you to not give it to you if you haven't done 4/5 approaches that very night.

Want to get into shape? Give a friend $1,000 and tell him/her to not give it to you back to you until you get into shape by a certain day. Get it? Create incentives till you sort our shit out.

We all have AA but we all choose how to deal with it in our own ways. 'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take'. Approach Anxiety is step 1. Making a move on a girl requires another form on anxiety but cross that bridge when you come to it.

Get it done, you live once, you're going to die one day, remember that.
Author:  oceanx [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
You have to want it hard enough. If you don't who fucking cares I know that I sure don't. The guys who do want it hard enough will get the spoils and you can have fun jerking off in your bathroom.

Quasi-tough-love hope it helped.
Author:  Mayketi [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 1:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Quote:
Image

If I put a gun to your head and told you to do it, you would probably do it. You need to bruise your ego in order for you to grow. Simple as that.

The only reason these Anxiety programs work is because you have invested your money on the line and are more likely to do it. Same goes for bootcamps or one on one training. They only work because people don't want to waste their hard earned money. It's no coincidence that the people that torrent these programs don't handle their shit because they haven't put anything down on the line.

Don't waste your money, there is enough free content out there. I find this to be highly effective. Give a friend $100 and get him to promise you to not give it to you if you haven't done 4/5 approaches that very night.

Want to get into shape? Give a friend $1,000 and tell him/her to not give it to you back to you until you get into shape by a certain day. Get it? Create incentives till you sort our shit out.

We all have AA but we all choose how to deal with it in our own ways. 'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take'. Approach Anxiety is step 1. Making a move on a girl requires another form on anxiety but cross that bridge when you come to it.

Get it done, you live once, you're going to die one day, remember that.
Very well explained, thanks for that.
Author:  Macster [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Quote:
So you just forced yourself and thats it? Well maybe this is happening to me because I don't follow 3 second rule. Because I really dont care about rejections and stuff.
Basically yeah, my friends all smoke i don't personally but i like to go outside and socialize. I just got talking to everybody wasn't after anything then it just kinda went from there i guess i got into 'state' then i just started talking to fit bar girl told her she was attractive and then before i knew it i had told all attractive girls in the club.

EDIT: also although my friends are interested in pulling girls they aren't into PU as such, ive told them i will get good at this because i will. Everything i put my mind to i get good at because i am determined and have strong will power which i believe i get from going to the gym for years! So i knew i had to force myself to start and the circumstances were perfect because instead of the full group with girls and guy friends out it was just me and a few boys so i just went for it.
Author:  Dragula [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Quote:
Everything i put my mind to i get good at because i am determined and have strong will power which i believe i get from going to the gym for years!
Not to be disparaging, but you still haven't approached a girl yet...What are you waiting for? there are girls walking past you outside your house right now that you could be approaching :)

I feel you, regarding friends don't tend to be interested in picking up girls, but that what this forum is for really, to connect and go out with some pick up dudes to expedite the progress. Solo is great skill to have but it's so much fun and important at the beginner to stage to develop a crew and unanimously working on this goal together.

i have many friends that pretend to smoke so that they can just ask girl's for a light and then Do the whole 'how is you night going?' but who wants to depend on smoking areas like that? Especially when you go to the gym and yet you smoke as an excuse to talk to girl... Aquire the skill, put the reps in. You're basically just talking about going the gym but haven't lifted any weights yet... GO GO GO.
Author:  oceanx [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
The overcoming of AA rests on the guy and the guy alone. Only you can overcome it. Most men don't and end up settling with one girl who they may or may not be into. One thing's for sure: Most of them spend the rest of their lives leering at women they wish they could get with, but they never had the balls to actually approach. At some point your internal voice just forces you to do it....or it doesn't. It's up to you.
Author:  Mayketi [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 5:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Quote:
Quote:
So you just forced yourself and thats it? Well maybe this is happening to me because I don't follow 3 second rule. Because I really dont care about rejections and stuff.
Basically yeah, my friends all smoke i don't personally but i like to go outside and socialize. I just got talking to everybody wasn't after anything then it just kinda went from there i guess i got into 'state' then i just started talking to fit bar girl told her she was attractive and then before i knew it i had told all attractive girls in the club.

EDIT: also although my friends are interested in pulling girls they aren't into PU as such, ive told them i will get good at this because i will. Everything i put my mind to i get good at because i am determined and have strong will power which i believe i get from going to the gym for years! So i knew i had to force myself to start and the circumstances were perfect because instead of the full group with girls and guy friends out it was just me and a few boys so i just went for it.
I'm training rowing so I have very powerfull mind and will power but its not going with girls tho :D
Author:  Melodical [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 5:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
AA is a con, it has no actual power over you, only the power you give it.


Watch this clip from the film Labyrinthe. AA is the goblin king played by David Bowie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MolWhOGhRc
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Sun Dec 13, 2015 5:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Approach anxiety is bullshit. Talk to a few hundred girls and it won't make you nervous anymore.

NOBODY cold approaches people. That's why it makes you nervous. In fact, you were probably raised to do the opposite.

"Don't talk to strangers"

It's a matter of breaking your current conditioning as to what's "normal"
Author:  dtrak [ Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Theres a lot of things you can do

I'd say start with one small step.

Then expand upon that.

If you're afraid of approaching try walking in her direction.

Then try that a few times.

Then actually try looking at a girl and smiling after walking in her direction.

Then walk in her direction, smile and say hi.

Then say hi and ask a question.

And keep adding to it.

Do this ALOT and you will overcome it.

One step at a time.

Don't overwhelm yourself. Is just like learning to play basketball. You don't jump right into the NBA.

You look at the ball first... then you walk towards it.. you smile at it and you pick it up.

Practice makes perfect.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Going out of your comfort zone becomes comfortable the more you do it.

No other way.
Author:  Mayketi [ Mon Dec 14, 2015 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did you get confidence? How did you start?
Thank you all guys for advices and I hope that other people will find this usefull.
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