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Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
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Author:  yanchi [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:12 am ]
Post subject:  Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
I guess these stories get boring as fuck on this site, but I need to get it out of me and if possible someone knock the shit into me.

It's been 9 months now. And the last 2 weeks she just keeps coming back into my head. What if? What if? What if? I keep going over in my head, why did she end it, and come up with the scenario that she must have cheated, and told me the long distance thing was the reason to soften the blow. Who knows.

It is annoying as when she broke up with me she said it was distance and that maybe after she finishes college we could try again, something that I have held on to, thinking up times in a few months when i should message her etc...

And yeah, i have been going out, slept with a couple of girls, did not enjoy it. Have been working out, working on other stuff. Yet she is still there in my mind. And my latest thoughts want me to just message her asking if she did cheat, as I feel that if she admitted that then any possible future of us would be gone for good allowing me to move on. When my previous ex finally admitted to cheating, boom she was gone and move on alot easier.

I just can't believe that 9 months later she still haunts me. If it was one of my friends i could say, grow some move on. Someone give me some perspective please.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
You're just finding excuses to talk to her.
Yea she most probably cheated. And yes, long distance never works.
Quote:
that maybe after she finishes college we could try again
Dude, she probably fucked 6 different guys and is committed with the 7th by now. She had no intention of ever holding true to that, and this statement was said just to soften the blow.

You need to work on improving your life. Because you're not happy with it, and are under the impression that having her back would fill that gap.

It won't. You gotta to be able to sustain happiness on your own, not leech it from someone else.
Author:  yanchi [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 12:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
RC - I know you are right, it's just hard to accept. I'm trying so hard to do things that I enjoy, trying to be a better person etc... just doesn't seem to be happening. I need to get her out of my mind and accept that it's over for good. It just seems hard when I still havn't met a girl that I have clicked anywhere near as what I have with her.

I do feel as though I have met 3 girls in my life that I have clicked with, ones that I have wanted a relationship with, so guess it is possible, but 3 girls in the last 10 years. That's 1 every 3 years.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 12:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
We all have bullshit stories that we tell ourselves.
You're not different than the rest of us. You reap what you sow. But if you only sow every 3 years.. well, you get the point.

Were it easy everyone would be doing it. Not everybody is meant to succeed, so it's up to you whether you want to build a life you can be happy with or remain complacent with mediocrity.

Read my guide, it touches on this subject a bit more even if it is primarily aimed at texting / dating.
Author:  yanchi [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
I'l take a look tomorrow, will give me something to do at work :)

And man, it just feels like effort going out looking for girls. Admittedly these 3 I told you about somehow found their way to me when I never expected it. And only one of those I ended up in a relationship with. 1 had a bf and cheated on him with me. And the other has always been in a relationship, yet when we are together we always get on like a house on fire.

I was planning on texting my ex around xmas time. I am now thinking No. Fuck that shit. Fuck fuck fuck that shit.

It just seems like the easiest option of finding someone that I already love. Want to be with, know that i like. But yeah I have to be totally over her if i am to ever text her again. It's bad as I have thought about her every day since we split up, and 9 months yet to have a day she hasnt popped up in my mind.
Author:  Dragula [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Fuck TEN girls, no less and then come back to the forum.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Quote:
It just seems like the easiest option of finding someone that I already love. Want to be with, know that i like. But yeah I have to be totally over her if i am to ever text her again. It's bad as I have thought about her every day since we split up, and 9 months yet to have a day she hasnt popped up in my mind.
That's not the easy option. That's the cowardly option.

The only reason you're thinking this way is because you fear to whatever degree that you're incapable of finding someone to replace your ex. You doubt your ability of hooking quality women because you essentially doubt your own self-worth.

Improve the main aspects of your life. You're clearly unhappy and women have very little to do with it.
Author:  yanchi [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Ok guys, kinda strange, but not spoke to my ex in months. She just texts me out of the blue.

Hey, did you send me some flowers? I got some in the post and dont know who they are from?

A chill shot right through me, even though I have been thinking less of her the last couple of days. Do i respond? Do i just put no? , or say something like ye, sure. sarcastic? MAybe she just wants attention. not sure.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Quote:
Ok guys, kinda strange, but not spoke to my ex in months. She just texts me out of the blue.

Hey, did you send me some flowers? I got some in the post and dont know who they are from?

A chill shot right through me, even though I have been thinking less of her the last couple of days. Do i respond? Do i just put no? , or say something like ye, sure. sarcastic? MAybe she just wants attention. not sure.
You should re-read the advice already provided to you here a couple more times, then block her number.
Author:  yanchi [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Well its a hard one. Despite the fact that she didnt want to continue the long distance, and that she is a nice girl. Does that mean i should ignore her if she asks me a question because she is my ex. I'm thinking just don't message back and ignore it, but she will know i am ignoring her.

Could also just put a plain and simple "no"

Or just use a bit of wit and say: "Yeah i send all my ex's flowers". - just to show her that it doesnt bother me and im not deliberately ignoring her.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Quote:
Well its a hard one. Despite the fact that she didnt want to continue the long distance, and that she is a nice girl. Does that mean i should ignore her if she asks me a question because she is my ex. I'm thinking just don't message back and ignore it, but she will know i am ignoring her.

Could also just put a plain and simple "no"

Or just use a bit of wit and say: "Yeah i send all my ex's flowers". - just to show her that it doesnt bother me and im not deliberately ignoring her.
Why continue to ask for advice you aren't going to take? You're simply wasting the time of people who are giving you advice and trying to help you when your mind is already made up.
Author:  yanchi [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 9:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Quote:
Quote:
Well its a hard one. Despite the fact that she didnt want to continue the long distance, and that she is a nice girl. Does that mean i should ignore her if she asks me a question because she is my ex. I'm thinking just don't message back and ignore it, but she will know i am ignoring her.

Could also just put a plain and simple "no"

Or just use a bit of wit and say: "Yeah i send all my ex's flowers". - just to show her that it doesnt bother me and im not deliberately ignoring her.
Why continue to ask for advice you aren't going to take? You're simply wasting the time of people who are giving you advice and trying to help you when your mind is already made up.
I read it again. And I did not text her back. It's annoying being dumped by a girl, shes got a million things over me, and it brings up the idea that maybe she just wants to talk to me again. And thinking is there something I should say/do to get 1 in the pot. But yeah the best thing I can do is just forget it, i dont need one over her, she doesnt have me, im getting someone better and im becoming happier, and message another girl.
Author:  yanchi [ Wed Oct 14, 2015 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
@RC

Just read your guide. It is good and although a lot of it I already class myself as good at, its always good to go over it and refresh just to ensure that you don't slip into bad habits.

I do find that when I go out I will approach usually only the hottest girls, i don't even think about it, just do. I have never understood approach anxiety and how some men cannot talk to girls.

One thing I always find really good is, when you get into a texting conversation, just call her out of the blue, I find that girls hearing your voice, make it a brief conversation, relate back to texting and tease her, have it as an ending to text conver so you then say anyway my friend just pulled outside for the gym, but il text you later "pet name" laugh...etc... and that really ups the chance of a date. Plus you can follow it up later with...
"You sounded different to what i expected.... your voice is..... " she will probably comment on yours, I get that my voice is very soothing a lot.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Oct 15, 2015 6:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
Quote:
@RC

Just read your guide. It is good and although a lot of it I already class myself as good at, its always good to go over it and refresh just to ensure that you don't slip into bad habits.

I do find that when I go out I will approach usually only the hottest girls, i don't even think about it, just do. I have never understood approach anxiety and how some men cannot talk to girls.

One thing I always find really good is, when you get into a texting conversation, just call her out of the blue, I find that girls hearing your voice, make it a brief conversation, relate back to texting and tease her, have it as an ending to text conver so you then say anyway my friend just pulled outside for the gym, but il text you later "pet name" laugh...etc... and that really ups the chance of a date. Plus you can follow it up later with...
"You sounded different to what i expected.... your voice is..... " she will probably comment on yours, I get that my voice is very soothing a lot.
Good.

Now stop rationalizing reasons to talk to your ex.
Author:  yanchi [ Thu Oct 15, 2015 11:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Back sliding - Can't stop thinking of my EX.
@RC

Was just wondering about old love interests. I was in love with a girl 7 years ago now. Met her travelling and we spent every day for 3 months together, best time of my life. Anyway when I came back to my country we SPAM every day, messaged every day then eventually it turned into days, 2 days, 3 days, then nothing.

I still really liked her but I think reality hit her and she started seeing some guy back home and then we never spoke again. A couple years later I was totally over her. Always had her on fb still and never ignored her.

I was in New York a few weeks ago on business when she was there, she lives there now with her bf, anyway dropped her a message seeing if she wanted to meet up, she was working though and busy that night and said it was a shame i wasnt in nyc any longer, then we sent a few messages, she asked what i was up to etc...

I know I was totally over her and we had both moved on. But is this a bad thing that I even contacted her? I don't think it affected me mentally at all, I only really did it to kill some time, but was thinking should I have or is that just a bad habit talking to an ex lover? from a morale point of view.
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