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The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
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Author:  Tofu-86 [ Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:37 am ]
Post subject:  The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
I started college a couple of weeks ago and so far I haven't been able to get any where with girls besides normal socializing and stuff like that. I was just wondering, what do most college girls want out of dating? An actual relationship or just hooking up? I used to think girls usually want something more serious but with stuff like tinder I am just not so sure any more.

Personally, I see myself much more comfortable in something that's more than a hook up, how should let the girls I am interested in know my intention without getting too invested too soon?
Author:  R.C [ Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Stop caring so much about what they want. Start caring about what you want.

Why are you even worrying about the direction things will go if you're not even having sex with these girls?

The order in which things happen is not:
- Attract
- Talk about what we are
- Have sex

The order is:
- Attract
- Have sex
- Talk about what we are (when she brings it up)

Also your intentions are made known through actions. If you want a girlfriend do things couple do with her. Go on dates, hang out, cook together, all that cutesy stuff.
If you want a fuck buddy just text her to come over whenever you're feeling horny.

The point is, the dynamic of a relationship is set by these types of patterns. People don't just agree to be bf/gf with no foundation. They first build a foundation and then, eventually, "state the obvious" and "make it official".
Author:  Tofu-86 [ Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Quote:

The order in which things happen is not:
- Attract
- Talk about what we are
- Have sex

The order is:
- Attract
- Have sex
- Talk about what we are (when she brings it up)
Interesting point! I had always thought "talk about what we are" could be a part of the attraction? I've been reading on inner game and all that and I think my inner game is much stronger compare to my other aspects. Any specific advice about how to work on that?
Author:  R.C [ Thu Sep 24, 2015 7:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Quote:
Interesting point! I had always thought "talk about what we are" could be a part of the attraction?
Yes. It's the part that kills the attraction in a slow and painful way. Actually it's not slow at all. Quite the opposite.
Quote:
I've been reading on inner game and all that and I think my inner game is much stronger compare to my other aspects. Any specific advice about how to work on that?
Work on what? Inner game? Your "inner game" is developed through improving all aspects of your life. There's a synergy between dating / career / friends. If one lags behind the other two will not see progress.

Read my guide, it touches on that subject and there's no point in repeating myself.
Author:  Tofu-86 [ Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Quote:
Quote:

Read my guide, it touches on that subject and there's no point in repeating myself.

Just read the long post, why in the hell is this not the first piece I read? Exactly what I needed, much respect for such thorough guide!
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Oh college....it's all about who you know and what you know. Hopefully you focus on your education...and some late night study sessions ;) with one of your female classmates. I recommend getting involved on campus and branching out into many socia circles. Personally, I wouldn't go hitting on every girl on campus because you can easily be labeled that guy...


It sounds like you're still a new comer to the world of dating. I recommend staying in date mode in college for a little while. Have fun man, literally have a dating pool easily accessible to you. That's where I blossomed and had many experiences that I am glad I took advantage of.

As far as hooking up and having sex, well just follow that guide the other poster talked to you about and you'll have your first lay in no time. Don't worry about what the chicks at college want, just have your sex and be cool about it and you'll figure it out on your own.
Author:  Tofu-86 [ Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
Quote:
Oh college....it's all about who you know and what you know. Hopefully you focus on your education...and some late night study sessions ;) with one of your female classmates. I recommend getting involved on campus and branching out into many socia circles. Personally, I wouldn't go hitting on every girl on campus because you can easily be labeled that guy...

Could you expand it little bit more on the social circle part? Personally I consider myself pretty cool to hang around (I am a film major, traveled a lot, loves sports although not that good, played poker as a summer job, car enthusiast and own a pretty sweet ride etc.) But I was the guy that sort of in a lot of circles but not really, if that makes any sense. I would love to be branching out as you said but sometimes I found that very tiring and not all that productive for me as a person, what would be the balance between the two?

Also, to avoid being "that guy", should I not go up to girls and try to initiate something altogether or there is a balance point as well?
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Tue Sep 29, 2015 6:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The proper pace of dating in college and the mindset
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