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Need fresh eyes on a situation
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=191917		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  jamesd221 [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:57 am ]
Post subject:  Need fresh eyes on a situation
I wont babble on about background info here, will keep it as simple as I can.

I've spent a short while working with a solid 8 and have had a good connection all along. I've always been a firm believer of not sh!tting where I eat though so never made a move. Long story short, left the job, asked the girl out, made it clear it a real date and not a 'mate date'. After one flake we reschedule (mostly my doing). So we go out, get in some kino, escalation, kiss close at the end. Seems good! Get a text thanking for a good date.

This is where it gets confusing. Following days, not much conversation (not really uncommon for this girl), no mention of a second date and no bringing up the first. Has always seemed cold over text yet is chatty over the phone and in person.

I'm a newbie to this gig and I took a lot of advice from you guys to get myself that first date and make some sort of progress considering it was a stale few months of being colleagues.
I guess what I'm asking is what steps you recommend next and if any of you can see anything I'm missing (signs of interest/disinterest). Is this deep in the sh!tter or am I looking too far into it?

Thanks guys!
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 1:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Quote:
This is where it gets confusing. Following days, not much conversation (not really uncommon for this girl), no mention of a second date and no bringing up the first. Has always seemed cold over text yet is chatty over the phone and in person.

Would need more information on this section.

Are you initiating or is she? Have you asked for the second date? If she was cold before and she is cold now.. I don't see the issue, unless more details lead me to think otherwise.

Go further into the conversations thats been had after the date.
Author:  nickpad1 [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 1:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Truth be told, it's more likely a case of over-analyzing your scenario (i would know, because i'm so often apt to do it). I think there's just a lot of girls or people in general that aren't big on texting-heavy conversation, at least in regards to expressing interest. If you felt everything went well, then don't be hesistant, schedule that second date and get shit going! You never know unless you ask, right? As a few of the more seasoned users mentioned, utilize an abundance mentality (eddie may have been the one even!), and realize that even if you don't succeed with this girl, there's plenty of others, right?!
Author:  hugge [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 8:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Good answers above. Without knowing this girl, it seems to be better to call instead of textning her. So quit texting! Hopefully you have other things to do than thinking about her all day long, so keep busy and call her when you have something funny going on that you think she would appreciate.
Author:  Dilla [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 10:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Quote:
I wont babble on about background info here, will keep it as simple as I can.

I've spent a short while working with a solid 8 and have had a good connection all along. I've always been a firm believer of not sh!tting where I eat though so never made a move. Long story short, left the job, asked the girl out, made it clear it a real date and not a 'mate date'. After one flake we reschedule (mostly my doing). So we go out, get in some kino, escalation, kiss close at the end. Seems good! Get a text thanking for a good date.

This is where it gets confusing. Following days, not much conversation (not really uncommon for this girl), no mention of a second date and no bringing up the first. Has always seemed cold over text yet is chatty over the phone and in person.

I'm a newbie to this gig and I took a lot of advice from you guys to get myself that first date and make some sort of progress considering it was a stale few months of being colleagues.
I guess what I'm asking is what steps you recommend next and if any of you can see anything I'm missing (signs of interest/disinterest). Is this deep in the sh!tter or am I looking too far into it?

Thanks guys!
First off fair play for biting the bullet with a girl you previously worked with and got a date, kiss etc. That takes guts and skill...so props for that.

You said it yourself, she seems cold over text yet bubbly over call/in person. A lot of women believe it or not suck at texting, they cannot express themselves like they do IRL, which is great thing as you can interact with her more in person rather than those girls who're obsessed with their phones.

Again, why should she mention the second date? Of course some girls do as they're free and eager, but sadly, it's the dude's place to mention future dates etc.

If she really is chatty and bubbly on the phone and in person, great, no sweat. Arrange another date ASAP and continue as normal. You'll be able to tell a lot more in person rather than her texts.

-Dilla
Author:  jamesd221 [ Wed Jul 29, 2015 9:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Thanks guys, massive help as I expected! Made me feel much more confident about the situation.

Unfortunately the entire thing has nose dived. Opted for the whole "you pick a time, I pick the place" invite for a second date when we found a day we were both free and received no reply! Complete ignore :roll:

So I guess try and work out the mistakes, regroup and on to the next! No doubt I wouldn't have gotten the first date etc without this forum so fingers crossed I can keep on learning. Thanks for the advice guys, much appreciated!
Author:  nickpad1 [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 1:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Quote:
Thanks guys, massive help as I expected! Made me feel much more confident about the situation.

Unfortunately the entire thing has nose dived. Opted for the whole "you pick a time, I pick the place" invite for a second date when we found a day we were both free and received no reply! Complete ignore :roll:

So I guess try and work out the mistakes, regroup and on to the next! No doubt I wouldn't have gotten the first date etc without this forum so fingers crossed I can keep on learning. Thanks for the advice guys, much appreciated!
Proud of you bro! Be proud that you went for it!
Author:  J.Daniels [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 1:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Stop giving her opportunities to be chatty over the phone and texting. If you're enabling her to tell you everything over the phone... what's she gonna talk about when she sees you? How will she miss you?

Think of a song... it's the silence between the beats that make it good. With no silence, it'd just be an annoying noise. Don't be an annoying noise. Only use the phone to set dates. Once a week, ask when she's free. If she doesn't answer clearly, tell her to get in touch when she frees up her schedule, and move on to the next girl. Only ask once, unless she has a GENUINE reason. Never more than twice.
Author:  nickpad1 [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 2:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Quote:
Stop giving her opportunities to be chatty over the phone and texting. If you're enabling her to tell you everything over the phone... what's she gonna talk about when she sees you? How will she miss you?

Think of a song... it's the silence between the beats that make it good. With no silence, it'd just be an annoying noise. Don't be an annoying noise. Only use the phone to set dates. Once a week, ask when she's free. If she doesn't answer clearly, tell her to get in touch when she frees up her schedule, and move on to the next girl. Only ask once, unless she has a GENUINE reason. Never more than twice.
I feel like a lot of guys do that (hell I've been guilty of it) they try and small talk over text, but what the hell are they gonna talk about in person? I feel like the less you know personally about your first formalized interaction with a girl, the better off you are.
Author:  Versalis [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 3:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
The problem is basically none of the things anyone above listed. It's the date itself.

You say you ended the night with a kiss? Are you 11? You ask the girl on a date, and then go hardcore plutonic and wonder why she doesn't want to go on another date? Because you didn't act like the first date was a date, but a time to chill with a buddy.
You also say something about "having a great connection with her", when you worked together. I don't see anything about sexual dynamics.

The difference between a buddy and a GF/FB/FWB is basically a strong sexual connection. That's where you failed. Not any of this stuff about call vs text, etc.

In the event she does go out with you again, don't treat her like your buddy. I would strongly suggest you plan on the date primarily taking place where you live.
Author:  J.Daniels [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 12:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
Oh, and I forgot to mention that you want to get the kiss out of the way quite quick, not wait until the end like a pussy
Author:  jamesd221 [ Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need fresh eyes on a situation
All good advice ill take on board. Its hard to explain the entire situation on here and pretty pointless but going from a colleague to a date was fucking weird for me, first for everything though!

As for being a pussy? Yeah you're right about that, onwards and upwards though!
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