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| Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=191906 |
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| Author: | sapipa [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 7:41 am ] |
| Post subject: | Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? |
My ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago. As suggested on the forum I stopped all contact (took me a while  ) and decided to move on. I still find myself fantasizing about situations where she wants me back. Guess I still have some hope and I also notice that having hope makes it easier to accept or handle with this situation. Now I don't think it's the best way to deal with it, since it's more of an illusion which might one day hit me back. So how can I break this pattern? Thanks! |
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| Author: | n2thevoid [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? |
Time, whilst differentiating healthy distractions from unhealthy ones. Healthy distractions: -goal planning and actively working towards these goals whether it be career, hobby, a life style change etc -hanging out with friends while not monopolizing your time talking to them about your ex (which will keep you tethered to her) -being cool with being alone! (learning to enjoy yourself, perhaps for the very first time - watching movies, treating yourself to a nice meal, writing, playing an instrument, a nature walk...any number of things that involves you and only you - no cell phone no communicate with anyone else just you and yourself. This will also help you remain autonomous in your next relationship and even to break free from someone if they aren't a good fit for you -journal - not so much reflecting on the content of your thoughts but rather the feelings, the experience itself -meditation (one of my favourites) - this may mean different things to different people but basically working on staying more present in your body rather than to the external world - i'll expand upon this if you want, it can be a lofty topic to discuss -learning to stay in your 'masculine' - in short depending on yourself more, being vulnerable with yourself (and by extension others). This requires embracing fear, making it your friend if you will - more on this some other time as again there's lots to elaborate on -working on your physical health - go to the gym, eat well, sleep well, stay well hydrated, work on your fashion if you feel it needs working on Unhealthy distractions -getting involved with another person -any other addictive tendencies - gambling, shopping, hoarding things, drugs, alcohol...basically anything that makes you more 'unconscious' and numbs feelings you should be getting in touch with and processing through All in all you have to understand that you have an open wound. The pain is very real and experienced in the same area of your brain where you experience physical pain. What is the best way to tend to an open wound? Give it time to heal. Say its your hand that is wounded, would you continue using that hand ignoring the cut or would you bandage it up and allow it proper time to heal before using it again? |
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| Author: | R.C [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? |
Getting involved with another person is not unhealthy. |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? |
The thoughts of her will naturally reoccur. The mind will stay fixated on the problem as its searching for solution. Now what you don't want to do is decide you want to take one of its random "bright ideas" on how to fix things. Its usually only further illusion and it would wise to stick to the words of the advice you were given before you listen to your own. Your own advice is what got you into the situation. Its tough thinking about anything else while you have a broken heart, but at the very best you can distract yourself. Continuing to think about it is like reopening a cut over and over expecting it to heal. It is only when you leave it alone and stick picking at it that wounds begin to heal. Read, meditate, go lay out in the side, play video games, hang with friends, stay off social media, and so so forth. |
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| Author: | sapipa [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Breaking the "hope pattern" after a break up. How to? |
Quote: Time, whilst differentiating healthy distractions from unhealthy ones.
Healthy distractions: -goal planning and actively working towards these goals whether it be career, hobby, a life style change etc -hanging out with friends while not monopolizing your time talking to them about your ex (which will keep you tethered to her) -being cool with being alone! (learning to enjoy yourself, perhaps for the very first time - watching movies, treating yourself to a nice meal, writing, playing an instrument, a nature walk...any number of things that involves you and only you - no cell phone no communicate with anyone else just you and yourself. This will also help you remain autonomous in your next relationship and even to break free from someone if they aren't a good fit for you -journal - not so much reflecting on the content of your thoughts but rather the feelings, the experience itself -meditation (one of my favourites) - this may mean different things to different people but basically working on staying more present in your body rather than to the external world - i'll expand upon this if you want, it can be a lofty topic to discuss -learning to stay in your 'masculine' - in short depending on yourself more, being vulnerable with yourself (and by extension others). This requires embracing fear, making it your friend if you will - more on this some other time as again there's lots to elaborate on -working on your physical health - go to the gym, eat well, sleep well, stay well hydrated, work on your fashion if you feel it needs working on Unhealthy distractions -getting involved with another person -any other addictive tendencies - gambling, shopping, hoarding things, drugs, alcohol...basically anything that makes you more 'unconscious' and numbs feelings you should be getting in touch with and processing through All in all you have to understand that you have an open wound. The pain is very real and experienced in the same area of your brain where you experience physical pain. What is the best way to tend to an open wound? Give it time to heal. Say its your hand that is wounded, would you continue using that hand ignoring the cut or would you bandage it up and allow it proper time to heal before using it again? Tnx, good stuff. We PMed about some meditation stuff yesterday but feel free to elaborate some more if you think thats advisable  Also wanted to ask why you think getting involved with another person is a bad idea? |
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