PUA Forum :: Manipulative behaviors?

She might have wanted to get a jealous or change of behavioral response out of you. It goes against you if you react negatively or comply. You could either ignore what she's saying and change at the subject or break rapport with her, change the subject and start qualifying her. Are you still trying to get with her ?

Very intersting post. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Really, it could be the same girl. I figured I'd do what you are doing and I'm currently on the early stage of the freeze complemented with some passive/agressive behaviour.

I'm now very curious to see how this evolves, both for you and for me. Good social experiment

There was this white girl that I wanted to fuck but things changed and I wasn't interested anymore. She was taken but flirted with me sexually nonetheless. But recently she started acting strange. Like kept bringing up other guys. She visited Tokyo recently and she would bring it up every time we talked. About asian guys there are hot and she wants to play with them blah blah blah... I'm Asian also but I think she was trying to make me jealous and qualify myself to her.

I just ignored it and went on with the convo but did a bit of freeze-out on her (taking longer to response, refuse to answer personal question, not telling her my plan for the summer when she kept asking, calling her by her last name instead of my nickname for her, etc...)

The last few times talking, she kept mentioning some random topic and when I told her what I know about it, she turned around calling me being a smartass. Cool I brushed it off, not falling for that trap tying to explain myself or kissing her ass. Finally again, today same thing happened. She said "GKS, you should stop being a smartass, I don't like it. You should change the way you talk". I told her I've always been this way and I could have the same conversation with other people and they would not take it that way. And that she recently seems to take everything too personal.

And guess what? She played that card. She said "if you don't change the way you talk then we should stop talking". Which I replied "okay whichever you feel best". She said something after that but I didn't listen, I just walked off.

Anyway the way I see it, she senses that I was moving on so she pulled those craps to regain her control. I feel that she's being quite emotional manipulative trying to do so. What is your take on it?

I agreed that I might have overreacted. Maybe I was a bit jealous since I still want to fuck her - but as a fling - nothing more. I was more annoyed than jealous to be honest. She would keep mentioning about other guys but turn around acting like my spoiled little girlfriend around me. She constantly asked if I was dating anyone etc... and she wanted details on the girls if I was seeing someone. Talking about her fantasy about having me come over in the middle of the night and pretend to rape her. Talking about having my babies. Blah blah blah. So does she think of me as a FRIEND? I don't think so. The fact that she doesn't think of me as a friend yet still acted like I mentioned makes me think that she was jealous and trying to get a rise out of me.

And Neo, that's what I was doing at first. I just ignored it. And went on with our conversation. But she picked up on that. So she did that even more. Every SINGLE time, every 15 minutes.... no matter what we were talking about... she would steer the conversation back to other guys or her BFs... As you can see, it becomes annoying very quick.

But you're right, if I've already moved on, this shouldn't be bothering me. As a friend, I could have just called her out on it. Should have done with Eddie.Pews said, snip the shit in the bud before it spins out of control. Either way, I'm glad it turned out the way it did. At least it saves me a lot of headache.

Author:	GKS [ Sat Apr 25, 2015 11:18 pm ]
Post subject:	Manipulative behaviors?
There was this white girl that I wanted to fuck but things changed and I wasn't interested anymore. She was taken but flirted with me sexually nonetheless. But recently she started acting strange. Like kept bringing up other guys. She visited Tokyo recently and she would bring it up every time we talked. About asian guys there are hot and she wants to play with them blah blah blah... I'm Asian also but I think she was trying to make me jealous and qualify myself to her. I just ignored it and went on with the convo but did a bit of freeze-out on her (taking longer to response, refuse to answer personal question, not telling her my plan for the summer when she kept asking, calling her by her last name instead of my nickname for her, etc...) The last few times talking, she kept mentioning some random topic and when I told her what I know about it, she turned around calling me being a smartass. Cool I brushed it off, not falling for that trap tying to explain myself or kissing her ass. Finally again, today same thing happened. She said "GKS, you should stop being a smartass, I don't like it. You should change the way you talk". I told her I've always been this way and I could have the same conversation with other people and they would not take it that way. And that she recently seems to take everything too personal. A few responses back and forth. Finally I just said okay this is who I am, you can take it or leave it. I've always been like this so if anything changes, it was your perspective. And guess what? She played that card. She said "if you don't change the way you talk then we should stop talking". Which I replied "okay whichever you feel best". She said something after that but I didn't listen, I just walked off. Anyway the way I see it, she senses that I was moving on so she pulled those craps to regain her control. I feel that she's being quite emotional manipulative trying to do so. What is your take on it?

Author:	WillEdward [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 4:07 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
She might have wanted to get a jealous or change of behavioral response out of you. It goes against you if you react negatively or comply. You could either ignore what she's saying and change at the subject or break rapport with her, change the subject and start qualifying her. Are you still trying to get with her ?

Author:	GKS [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Quote: She might have wanted to get a jealous or change of behavioral response out of you. It goes against you if you react negatively or comply. You could either ignore what she's saying and change at the subject or break rapport with her, change the subject and start qualifying her. Are you still trying to get with her ? That's what I did in the past. Her behavior continues to spiral out of control. And no I'm not trying to get with her anymore since 2 months ago. We just talked from time to time since she used to be fun to talk to. Anyway I deleted her number. Just wanted some input so next time I could handle it better

Author:	hugge [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 10:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
As the saying goes, you can never change other people, you can only change yourself. Why is she trying to change you? Why does she bother? Because she is a smartass herself, believing she knows better? Or perhaps she thinks too much of herself, is spoiled, believing she is the princess and that she "deserves" lots of shit? If you fall into her trap she will lose respect for you, but she probably doesn't know that herself. What she needs is a punch in the face (not literally, but something eye opening must happen in her life, making her a more humble person). From my own experience, and from what I've read, the way you speak, the words you use, your tonality and such, is extremely important to seduce a girl. Even my sister says so when dating men. Maybe you should think about that and see that as part of your game and your development. Don't do it for her, do it for yourself and for all the future girls.

Author:	GKS [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 3:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Agreed. I always pay close attention to those things. But you're right. The guy she is dating, he does everything she says. If she tells him to not eat something, he would not eat them. But sneaking around and eat them while she's not there. I think she's just flipping out because she can't wrap me around her fingers like her BF.

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Author:	neo87 [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 4:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
I get the sense that both of you were trying some shit here... Don't get me wrong...she sounds like a bitch...but you froze out and "gamed" a friend? With the calling her by her last name and stuff. And whatever the topic was...most likely you DID try to be a smartass. But it's whatever. Just don't play these gamey stuff in the future.

Author:	Mr. Assertive [ Sun Apr 26, 2015 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Yeah man. Fuck that. Keep doing what you're doing. I am a big proponent of being polite but seriously, her asking you to change is ridiculous.

Author:	Il-Cavalieri [ Mon Apr 27, 2015 11:26 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Very intersting post. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Really, it could be the same girl. I figured I'd do what you are doing and I'm currently on the early stage of the freeze complemented with some passive/agressive behaviour. I'm now very curious to see how this evolves, both for you and for me. Good social experiment

Author:	GKS [ Tue Apr 28, 2015 3:45 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Quote: Very intersting post. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Really, it could be the same girl. I figured I'd do what you are doing and I'm currently on the early stage of the freeze complemented with some passive/agressive behaviour. I'm now very curious to see how this evolves, both for you and for me. Good social experiment Maybe yours won't throw a big fit like mine

Author:	Eddie Fews [ Tue Apr 28, 2015 10:56 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
When you say you accept it or leave you have to actually be willing to leave. The fact that you're posting her about it would suggest that you weren't rooted in that decision whole heartily, and if you aren't completely grounded in what you're saying, a chick will pick up on it and won't respect it. When you threaten to walk, don't just threaten.. Actually be willing to walk. The only thing I'd say you could improve on is nipping this shit in the bud before it becomes a back and forth. You have to learn to see this shit coming and clip it early. Know wheres she's going before she gets there and she'll be at your feet. This will all come with more experience, just be aware. For example: The moment she said " I don't like the way you talk, you should change" Don't go back and forth with her. Make a decision THEN, you can say - " What?! I'll see you around" and then WALK AWAY don't wait for a response and she will CHASE YOU. They do it everytime. She'll run behind you and ask what she did. Asking why you're upset. She'll apologize. Or you can just walk without saying a word and she'll respond the same way. Don't go back and forth with girls. You bring yourself to their level. Just respond by taking action as soon as possible. The moment you feel that discomfort in your gut. ACT. Don't wait to see what she says next. Do something.

Author:	neo87 [ Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
This is an example of how PU makes guys worse at communicating by emphasising "holding frame" Quote: There was this white girl that I wanted to fuck but things changed and I wasn't interested anymore. She was taken but flirted with me sexually nonetheless. But recently she started acting strange. Like kept bringing up other guys. She visited Tokyo recently and she would bring it up every time we talked. About asian guys there are hot and she wants to play with them blah blah blah... I'm Asian also but I think she was trying to make me jealous and qualify myself to her. So this is a female friend, who is comfortable flirting and talking sexually. So she is telling you about Asian guys she wants to fuck. YOU'RE A FRIEND. Why would it bother you if she is talking about other guys? You take it as she is trying to make you jealous and qualify you, when this is exactly what a girl like this would do with her male friends. That's the role you chose. I'm just saying, if you want to be with her, make a move, but if you are fine just being friends, not everything is her trying to mess with you. Do you expect a female friend who flirts with people not to talk like this? Quote: I just ignored it and went on with the convo but did a bit of freeze-out on her (taking longer to response, refuse to answer personal question, not telling her my plan for the summer when she kept asking, calling her by her last name instead of my nickname for her, etc...) Now this is you just being jealous, weird and kinda rude. Again, how is it disrespectful what she was doing? And just like relationships, freezing her out and being rude is just playing games. If you're jealous of her talking abt dudes, why? If you find it disrespectful to you, why? These reasons could have been communicated or you could have realized you were being jealous and just stopped taking it personally. Quote: The last few times talking, she kept mentioning some random topic and when I told her what I know about it, she turned around calling me being a smartass. Cool I brushed it off, not falling for that trap tying to explain myself or kissing her ass. Finally again, today same thing happened. She said "GKS, you should stop being a smartass, I don't like it. You should change the way you talk". I told her I've always been this way and I could have the same conversation with other people and they would not take it that way. And that she recently seems to take everything too personal. If this is a friend, just ask, how am I being a smartass? Look, maybe you were. And so far, honestly, this all just sounds like she mentioned dudes, you got mad at that and did passive aggressive stuff. But being pouty that she likes other guys, being passive aggressive and then saying well she's taking it as too personal is not a good move. Odds are, she's right. She picked up you were being passive aggressive and instead of realizing that, you stood behind it. You couldve caught yourself at this moment and realized that how you were approaching this was wrong. Quote: And guess what? She played that card. She said "if you don't change the way you talk then we should stop talking". Which I replied "okay whichever you feel best". She said something after that but I didn't listen, I just walked off. Anyway the way I see it, she senses that I was moving on so she pulled those craps to regain her control. I feel that she's being quite emotional manipulative trying to do so. What is your take on it? This is rude and manipulative on her part. See, all of this couldve been much smoother with how you handled a friend talking about guys. No need to freeze her out or be rude beforehand. No need to say smart comments. But it's NOT her taking things too personal. YOU took things too personal. She mentioned other dudes sexually. You're a friend. Not her bf or dating or whatever. If you didnt want to be a guy friend, dont sign up for the role then be hurt when she treats you like one of the gals. And then dont freeze her out and all that over it. For the record, I agree with Eddie and others to walk, but I can say it's a situation you caused by how you handled the Asian men thing. She mentions guys, YOU use freeze outs etc to MANIPULATE her, then she becomes MANIPULATIVE with her ultimatum. See what started the MANIPULATION thing? And again, if you're not interested in her that way, why does it matter? What do you think a girl like this would talk to her male friend about? Just dont lie to yourself. For her comments to matter to you like this, you were jealous. And you took it too personal. She mentioned dudes, you felt some kinda way, you were passive aggressive to mess with her, and now both of you are walking away. You gotta be honest with yourself first and look at how you handled something and whether you were justified in messing with her over the comments and what that says about what you really wanted from this girl. If you werent interested, comments on Asian dudes wont affect you, and you sure as hell wouldnt be freezing out a girl you saw as just a friend. She didnt realize you were moving on and tried to upset you. You realized she wasnt interested and severed things so you could stop wasting your time.

Author:	GKS [ Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
I agreed that I might have overreacted. Maybe I was a bit jealous since I still want to fuck her - but as a fling - nothing more. I was more annoyed than jealous to be honest. She would keep mentioning about other guys but turn around acting like my spoiled little girlfriend around me. She constantly asked if I was dating anyone etc... and she wanted details on the girls if I was seeing someone. Talking about her fantasy about having me come over in the middle of the night and pretend to rape her. Talking about having my babies. Blah blah blah. So does she think of me as a FRIEND? I don't think so. The fact that she doesn't think of me as a friend yet still acted like I mentioned makes me think that she was jealous and trying to get a rise out of me. And Neo, that's what I was doing at first. I just ignored it. And went on with our conversation. But she picked up on that. So she did that even more. Every SINGLE time, every 15 minutes.... no matter what we were talking about... she would steer the conversation back to other guys or her BFs... As you can see, it becomes annoying very quick. But you're right, if I've already moved on, this shouldn't be bothering me. As a friend, I could have just called her out on it. Should have done with Eddie.Pews said, snip the shit in the bud before it spins out of control. Either way, I'm glad it turned out the way it did. At least it saves me a lot of headache.

Author:	neo87 [ Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Manipulative behaviors?
Quote: I agreed that I might have overreacted. Maybe I was a bit jealous since I still want to fuck her - but as a fling - nothing more. I was more annoyed than jealous to be honest. She would keep mentioning about other guys but turn around acting like my spoiled little girlfriend around me. She constantly asked if I was dating anyone etc... and she wanted details on the girls if I was seeing someone. Talking about her fantasy about having me come over in the middle of the night and pretend to rape her. Talking about having my babies. Blah blah blah. So does she think of me as a FRIEND? I don't think so. The fact that she doesn't think of me as a friend yet still acted like I mentioned makes me think that she was jealous and trying to get a rise out of me. And Neo, that's what I was doing at first. I just ignored it. And went on with our conversation. But she picked up on that. So she did that even more. Every SINGLE time, every 15 minutes.... no matter what we were talking about... she would steer the conversation back to other guys or her BFs... As you can see, it becomes annoying very quick. But you're right, if I've already moved on, this shouldn't be bothering me. As a friend, I could have just called her out on it. Should have done with Eddie.Pews said, snip the shit in the bud before it spins out of control. Either way, I'm glad it turned out the way it did. At least it saves me a lot of headache. Good you can be honest about things looking back. I just called it as I saw it because it didnt add up. The whole thing is silly though because you probably couldve banged her. She was giving you signals, and if you were still interested in a fling, I dont know why you didnt take them. See its a shame and silly...you wouldve fucked her, she wanted you to fuck her, now its over for nothing. This is more you stalled on making a move and eventually it will just frustrate the 2 of you and lead to a blow up.

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