PUA Forum :: i dont want to be bf material

I think you have created a false dichotomy for yourself here where you believe you are either one or the other, a guy who either is a boyfriend or a guy who just is only around for sex. I do not believe this dichotomy exists, different people are at different places in their lives, one person may want to experience promiscuous casual sex while someone else might be looking for monogamy.

It's not necessarily what type of guy you are, but what her expectations are and how you plan to manage those expectations. If you really want a situation that implies casual sex with no strings attached then you can simply leverage that. She wants a relationship so you can offer to start with casual sex with the possibility of a relationship and if that is not ok then cut the relationship off (this is assuming you feel like you NEED to sleep with her immediately). This is a sort of ultimatum that you can speed things up one way or another with. It is important to consider however it's just as likely she agrees to stop seeing you and doesn't sleep with you for being too pushy/needy as it would be that she would agree to sleep with you immediately after you deliver your ultimatum. People tend to only move at a pace at which they are comfortable with, so try to come up with a way to deliver this proposition that will be considerate of her position on this issue and is of benefit to her as well as you.

You just have to decide if it's worth it to yourself to wait, or if it's worth it to just make your position clear and cut this one loose if the feeling isn't mutual and be more quick next time in assessing the next girl you meet and if you both have more common interests in relation to casual sex.

Author:	oxyclean321 [ Fri Apr 03, 2015 11:22 am ]
Post subject:	i dont want to be bf material
i have been on 3 dates with a girl, she's been holding off sex because she's fairly in experienced and needs a deep connection before it happens. she's clearly prepping me to become her boyfriend and i don't think i want what she wants. i feel like i should bring this up with her but not sure how. i cant tell if i enjoy spending time with her because i want the lay or if she's actually fun to be around. no matter which one it is i doubt i would want to go exclusive with this one. how would i change her mind set from a bf to more of a fwb type deal. or am i already to far deep?

Author:	Eddie Fews [ Fri Apr 03, 2015 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
Quote: i enjoy spending time with her because i want the lay or if she's actually fun to be around. no matter which one it is i doubt i would want to go exclusive with this one. The second statement you made answered the one right before it. When you're unsure, and purposely not trying to become boyfriend material you're entertaining her because you want the lay. Although, women have there ways of stringing us along and flipping our mind. Our "game" is getting them to find us attract and sleep with us.. A woman "game" is getting a man to want to be exclusive with her. And sometimes a woman game ultimately wins.. The game men and women play is " Pussy vs Time" - A man wants to get the pussy without giving up that much of his time, and a woman wants to get as much of a mans time before having to give up the pussy. Thats the initial battle. I personally do NOT go on dates with a woman in which I don't have any intentions on being serious with or at least being around for any extended time. I meet you, we talk on the phone/video chat - and then you come over my house. No exceptions. If you're not interested in the idea then we just won't talk. You can't say " I'm not boyfriend material" when your actions reflect something else.. You're dating her, and actions speak louder than words.

Author:	oceanx [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:53 am ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
OP, you need abundance my man. Cultivate it.

Author:	GenesisPUA [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 11:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
You've given 3 diamonds already and not even a rock in return? No more dates bro. By the way, have you kissed her before? May be you are not escalating properly.

Author:	oxyclean321 [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
Quote: You've given 3 diamonds already and not even a rock in return? No more dates bro. By the way, have you kissed her before? May be you are not escalating properly. i have, every date. she fine with everything until i try to put my hand down her pants she rejects. i live with my parents and so dose she so inviting her to my place is kinda out of the question. any ideas?

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Author:	neo87 [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
How do you NOT be bf material? By not going on date 2 and 3 if she resists sex on date 1. Eddie is right, if you're just looking to hookup, then walk away or just invite her over...but don't do dates. Guys who want gf's date. Guys who want sex, fuck and if she isnt they walk to the next girl.

Author:	oxyclean321 [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
Quote: How do you NOT be bf material? By not going on date 2 and 3 if she resists sex on date 1. Eddie is right, if you're just looking to hookup, then walk away or just invite her over...but don't do dates. Guys who want gf's date. Guys who want sex, fuck and if she isnt they walk to the next girl. i completely agree however i don't just want a "fuck". one nights don't fulfil me. i cant invite girls over because i live with my parents so im forced to go on dates. we don't talk every day, maybe 3 times a week, i try not at act like a bf im just not sure how to approach this.

Author:	Darkie [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
How old are you? Maybe your not f closing cuz you have no where to close?? Don't you think the girl has thought of it too? Im thinking maybe she wants to fuck but because u live with your parents, she doesnt want to come to the house as the girl ur just fucking. She wants to be introduced as the girl your dating aka "your girl friend"

Author:	oxyclean321 [ Sat Apr 04, 2015 11:45 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
Quote: How old are you? Maybe your not f closing cuz you have no where to close?? Don't you think the girl has thought of it too? Im thinking maybe she wants to fuck but because u live with your parents, she doesnt want to come to the house as the girl ur just fucking. She wants to be introduced as the girl your dating aka "your girl friend" oh for sure i dont want her to meet my parents either. im 20 shes 19. ive tried to escalate in my car and a study room at uni. forsure a bed would be better but the only option is renting a hotel, il bring it up next time i see her.

Author:	pumpington [ Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
I think you have created a false dichotomy for yourself here where you believe you are either one or the other, a guy who either is a boyfriend or a guy who just is only around for sex. I do not believe this dichotomy exists, different people are at different places in their lives, one person may want to experience promiscuous casual sex while someone else might be looking for monogamy. It's not necessarily what type of guy you are, but what her expectations are and how you plan to manage those expectations. If you really want a situation that implies casual sex with no strings attached then you can simply leverage that. She wants a relationship so you can offer to start with casual sex with the possibility of a relationship and if that is not ok then cut the relationship off (this is assuming you feel like you NEED to sleep with her immediately). This is a sort of ultimatum that you can speed things up one way or another with. It is important to consider however it's just as likely she agrees to stop seeing you and doesn't sleep with you for being too pushy/needy as it would be that she would agree to sleep with you immediately after you deliver your ultimatum. People tend to only move at a pace at which they are comfortable with, so try to come up with a way to deliver this proposition that will be considerate of her position on this issue and is of benefit to her as well as you. You just have to decide if it's worth it to yourself to wait, or if it's worth it to just make your position clear and cut this one loose if the feeling isn't mutual and be more quick next time in assessing the next girl you meet and if you both have more common interests in relation to casual sex.

Author:	oxyclean321 [ Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: i dont want to be bf material
Quote: I think you have created a false dichotomy for yourself here where you believe you are either one or the other, a guy who either is a boyfriend or a guy who just is only around for sex. I do not believe this dichotomy exists, different people are at different places in their lives, one person may want to experience promiscuous casual sex while someone else might be looking for monogamy. It's not necessarily what type of guy you are, but what her expectations are and how you plan to manage those expectations. If you really want a situation that implies casual sex with no strings attached then you can simply leverage that. She wants a relationship so you can offer to start with casual sex with the possibility of a relationship and if that is not ok then cut the relationship off (this is assuming you feel like you NEED to sleep with her immediately). This is a sort of ultimatum that you can speed things up one way or another with. It is important to consider however it's just as likely she agrees to stop seeing you and doesn't sleep with you for being too pushy/needy as it would be that she would agree to sleep with you immediately after you deliver your ultimatum. People tend to only move at a pace at which they are comfortable with, so try to come up with a way to deliver this proposition that will be considerate of her position on this issue and is of benefit to her as well as you. You just have to decide if it's worth it to yourself to wait, or if it's worth it to just make your position clear and cut this one loose if the feeling isn't mutual and be more quick next time in assessing the next girl you meet and if you both have more common interests in relation to casual sex. i agree, what should my next step be? invite her out and tell her this when she dosent let me escalate? text her and tell her, or wait for her to text me then bring it up? i can say something like the fact that ur making me wait so long for sex just puts to much pressure on us. makes me feel like ur waiting for me to make u my gf before sex, which im not okay with. im not just gunna sleep with you and leave you. A full on connection i dont feel can be made without sex. and include somewhere in there that it takes me a very long time to commit to just one girl so i don't hyper her expectations?

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