So my gf of one and a half years just broke up with me. She said she isnt happy, that we havent been doing well for a long time and that "She loves me, but isnt in love with me" (whatever that means).. Anyways, we have had problems in our relationship, but i didnt think that the gravity of which would culminate in this kind of breakup. We talked, and asked her to work it out saying i could change, be the person she needed to give it a chance, but she was having none of it. I know what it seems like, ive been devastated, but i still love this girl, and am not ready to walk away from such a long relationship without a fight. Ive read different places that the only and best way to get back an ex is to go into radio silence for a month and just work on yourself. How should I go about this, i love this girl with all my heart and would give anything to work things out. Im a fucking wreck, but she doesnt seem to be too distraught (as she put it shes 'numb' to me). What is a way that i can get out of this and at least have a shot at getting back with her. I know i made the mistake of trying to convince her to try it, but we had had fights before and BAM we were in each others arms again. I need some advice on how to make this relationship work again, and not have people tell me to move on, find other fish in the sea etc.. I need help with this one please!

Thanks and i look forward to your responses

No, my point isnt that, although i am pretty low for the time being. I havent felt this much pain and would want nothing more than to be with the girl i love more than aything. Howeverim not disillusioned as to how shitty the relationship was at the end. So what i NEED is advice on how to sort myself out to grow, and also give her enough time to heal and give it another chance. I want nothing more than a healthy respectfyl relationship dude. Thats the advice i need

Hey yeah sorry about the multiple posts, its been a lot happening in the past few days. Anyways, what i love about her is that shes funny and caring and deep down is a person whos had a painful upbringing. Now i know im not in charge for other peoples' happiness in that you cant solve others' problems but she does have many traits which make her a great person. And on that note, its all this that drew up together, the things we shared and talked about for hours. I really did for the first time find someone i loved and was ready to commit myself 110% for. I would pick stars out of the sky for this girl if she asked. But i guess the fighting near the end got to be too mch for her and she broke. Im wanting to work this out, and im looking for suggestions from people in similar situations.

Ps skills im on your blog as i write this

i love this girl with all my heart and would give anything to work things out. Im a fucking wreck

Will do. How did you get back with your ex? She ended it with you as well im assuming? The only way i want this relationship is one where im the dominant one, and stop looking like a pussy in her eyes.

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

This quote here is the sole reason your girl left you. You care about her more than you care about yourself and because of it you've become a burden. You've become a weight on her shoulders and this is why she now resents you. You're draining her. You're free loading off of the energy she brings into your life. Who wouldn't be numb to a free loader? She's lost respect for you because you've put her desires too far before your own. And once a woman loses respect for you; her love for you goes right out the window. It happens to the best of us so don't be so hard on yourself. But you must fucking chill. Any action you take from the mindset that you are currently in is going to push her further away from you than she is now. If you make absolutely ZERO attempts to reach out to her again she WILL come back when you least expect it. But remember I said ZERO! So before you do something stupid like send her a 500 word text or give her a call remember that the action will ruin the 100% guarantee that she WILL return if and ONLY if you make ZERO attempts to contact her again.

Every attempt at contact after that point reduces the chances of her returning by 50%.. But as long as you do NOT, you have a 100% chance that she will return. I swear to you before God.. No woman is special and they all do the same shit.

Work Out, read books, and go hang out with buddies. It's tough to read with a broken heart i know. Its tough to work out with a broken heart also, but you must power yourself through it man. Its the only way. Just power yourself through making improvements and SHE WILL return when you least expect it.