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I think my inner game is fucked.
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Author:  Onoma [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 5:12 am ]
Post subject:  I think my inner game is fucked.
Long (probably familiar around here) story short: Started gaming, met a girl, fell for her, thought she fell for me. We moved in together, she caused a lot of fights, we broke up... well, now here's where the twist happens.

She owned a duplex, so when we moved in it was into an apartment in the house she owned. We broke up, which amounted to her starting to sleep upstairs rather than downstairs with me. At first she'd come down every morning to kiss me, and we'd cuddle on weekends (but no sex.) Then it was just the cuddling, then that became less frequent... basically she kept titrating back the physical affection. Essentially keeping me on the hook while she slowly moved on, and provided less benefit to me. Part of the reason this kept going was that I had bought the house in the interim, and had promised she could stay at reduced rent until she found a new place. Which was supposed to be a couple months. That was a little over a year ago.

Ok, whatever, I was as schmuck and let it happen. But yeah, that hurt my self esteem.

Last straw: She gave her 30 day notice of moving, then renegged three weeks later. I said she could stay but I was going to adjust her rent. This caused a big fight, during which she told me she only moved in with me because she thought it would get her a ring and a baby sooner.

So that triggered a huge realization. That the entire relationship had just been her using me. Looking back, we had tons of fights over things like me not spending enough money on her. Our first fight was because I ran out of cash in a cash-only bar so I couldn't buy her a drink. Other times I'd spend thousands of dollars taking her on a trip, and she'd be upset that I didn't buy her jewelery a month later. Things like that.

So, practical upshot is that I'm pissed and pretty much over her. I miss what I thought we had, but I don't think she was ever the person I thought she was.

The real problem is that I lost even the confidence I had gained from being in a relationship. I no longer feel like anyone has ever loved me or wanted me. Except for how useful I can be to them.

At this point I'm emotionally shot. I've gained 30lbs over the last year, I can't concentrate at work, I'm sliding back into debt (partly because I'm not collecting the rent I should be) and sometimes just feel hopeless.

At this point, I almost completely lack motivation. I say almost because sometimes I can get some stuff done. But at the same time, like I'll go to do yoga for exercise and even while doing it don't feel the point. I'll sometimes stop a couple minutes in, whereas I know in the past once I got myself started it usually felt good.

I think about going out, trying to get good enough at pick up to go fuck 10 other women... but at the same time don't even feel that much desire for other women. The only one I've been interested in at all really, is a bartender who seems to be flirty with me. I know deep down that 90% of the reason I'm interested is that she seems interested in me... and I feel like that's wrong. She's a dancer (artsy, not stripper) and seems smart and fun.

So I go out, I drink and I just don't feel like even making the effort.

So after that long, depressing writeup... how can I improve my inner game? How can I start to feel less hopeless, pessimistic and apathetic?

I'm seeing a therapist, but need something to help me improve between the once a week or two I can see her.

I started Chief's Seductive Introvert program but can't motivate myself to do the missions. I'm trying to meditate daily but that doesn't seem to be helping.

What else can I do?
Author:  oceanx [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 6:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Glad you're seeing a therapist.

Cut back on the drinking/eating; add a normal amount of veg & fruit to the diet if it's not there presently.

Cut back on the fapping (if you're fapping).

Cut back on the videogaming (if you're doing this).

Regular exercise.

Just those things alone should in combination drastically increase your motivation.

When you feel up to it, and are feeling better about things, go out and try out some of the pickup techniques you've learned. It'll be fun.

You got this man.
Author:  fishnwomen [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 6:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
You spent a lot of money on this girl- that's prostitution man. She thought you were weak because you felt you had to throw your money around to impress her. Keep money out of the situation in the future, for the most part.
Author:  RealA [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 6:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
We all have confident problems. Especially when a Girl dont Want you.

I tryed that recently and I have done exactly what ocean wrote

It works and Will get your confident back. :D
Author:  Mr_International [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Quote:
This caused a big fight, during which she told me she only moved in with me because she thought it would get her a ring and a baby sooner.

So that triggered a huge realization. That the entire relationship had just been her using me.
I'm not sure you interpreted that correctly. I believe she was saying she thought you would marry her and have children.
Author:  Onoma [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Quote:
Quote:
This caused a big fight, during which she told me she only moved in with me because she thought it would get her a ring and a baby sooner.

So that triggered a huge realization. That the entire relationship had just been her using me.
I'm not sure you interpreted that correctly. I believe she was saying she thought you would marry her and have children.
I may have not written that correctly. She actually said she didn't want to move in with me, she only did it for the ring and the baby. And maybe by itself I could pass it off as clumsy wording, but combined with everything else... basically all she's ever seemed to care about is what I should be doing for her or should be giving her.
Author:  Onoma [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Quote:
Glad you're seeing a therapist.

Cut back on the drinking/eating; add a normal amount of veg & fruit to the diet if it's not there presently.

Cut back on the fapping (if you're fapping).

Cut back on the videogaming (if you're doing this).

Regular exercise.

Just those things alone should in combination drastically increase your motivation.

When you feel up to it, and are feeling better about things, go out and try out some of the pickup techniques you've learned. It'll be fun.

You got this man.

That's just it, I know I should be doing that stuff but can't get myself to most of the time. Even when I start doing some exercise I basically want to give up immediately, and even when I push through I don't feel any better. I know I used to, if I made myself do some exercise in the morning I'd feel better after. Now I don't.

I mean, I don't really believe in the nofap thing but I did go without for a couple weeks. In the end I mostly just lost my motivation to fap even.

And sometimes I'm ok, sometimes I can get stuff done but not often enough to start turning things around. I'm just hoping there's something else to help.


EDIT: Also wanted to note a couple other things. It's not all because of the girl at this point. I also got arrested for drunk driving a few months ago, and one of the side effects of that is not being able to go to Canada for 10 years. Other countries have different laws, so now there's places I may not be able to travel to until I'm basically old... and that's really depressing. I mean, I really liked Toronto and had even considered moving there and now I can't.
Author:  Versalis [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
You aren't wanting to force yourself to do unfun things, with a pay off, down the line. Kind of traces back to the woman you with. You invested in her and feel like you got burned. That's subconsciously making you feel like you'll get the same result from everything you do.

Drink more coffee(well before bedtime, stop at least 6 hours before).

You need a change of pace. Get out of your habits. Do stuff you normally don't do, that appeals to you.
That can be a lot of things. Buy an old car to restore, join a writer's club, start hiking, learn to fly a plane, etc. Once you start doing new things, then you can start getting into introspection.
Author:  Onoma [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 3:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Quote:
You aren't wanting to force yourself to do unfun things, with a pay off, down the line. Kind of traces back to the woman you with. You invested in her and feel like you got burned. That's subconsciously making you feel like you'll get the same result from everything you do.
This... could be scarily accurate. There's a pattern even after the relationship, where I'd start to get myself together and on the right track for a few days, then we'd get into a terrible fight which would leave me feeling like shit for a few weeks. After that I'd start to get myself together... etc.
Quote:
Drink more coffee(well before bedtime, stop at least 6 hours before).
I have been, which is a change because I normally try to limit caffeine.
Quote:
You need a change of pace. Get out of your habits. Do stuff you normally don't do, that appeals to you.
That can be a lot of things. Buy an old car to restore, join a writer's club, start hiking, learn to fly a plane, etc. Once you start doing new things, then you can start getting into introspection.
I'm a little limited right now due to license suspension, but this seems like a good idea.

Any other hobby suggestions? Might start a thread for it...
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 5:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I think my inner game is fucked.
Quote:
Quote:
You aren't wanting to force yourself to do unfun things, with a pay off, down the line. Kind of traces back to the woman you with. You invested in her and feel like you got burned. That's subconsciously making you feel like you'll get the same result from everything you do.
This... could be scarily accurate. There's a pattern even after the relationship, where I'd start to get myself together and on the right track for a few days, then we'd get into a terrible fight which would leave me feeling like shit for a few weeks. After that I'd start to get myself together... etc.
Quote:
Drink more coffee(well before bedtime, stop at least 6 hours before).
I have been, which is a change because I normally try to limit caffeine.

Quote:
You need a change of pace. Get out of your habits. Do stuff you normally don't do, that appeals to you.
That can be a lot of things. Buy an old car to restore, join a writer's club, start hiking, learn to fly a plane, etc. Once you start doing new things, then you can start getting into introspection.
I'm a little limited right now due to license suspension, but this seems like a good idea.

Any other hobby suggestions? Might start a thread for it...
I PM'd you some links and free material you can check out that may have the asnwers you're looking for.
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