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| how can I stop caring about the result? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=185300 |
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| Author: | bartm [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 3:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | how can I stop caring about the result? |
before I talk to a girl, I want the outcome to never even enter my mind. it shouldn't even be part of the equation. How can I train my brain to stop caring about the outcome? I believe our brains are wired to care about the outcome because of evolution. "if I steal my neighbor's food, he will kick my ass, I better not" I am looking for something practical that I can DO to make myself stop worrying about her reaction. advice like "who cares about the result, man? just do it" will not work. Please tell me a specific thing that I can DO, if you know of one. examples of a specific action: yoga, watching porn, taking a shower. |
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| Author: | Chief [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
It really is a matter of changing the way you think about it, not just something you can program out of yourself by doing something specific like taking a shower. Let's say you're a white belt in a martial art and you want to master it and become a black belt. When you get in the ring to have a sparring match, what do you think? Do you care about the outcome? You're just a newbie and you haven't mastered your kicks and punches yet like the black belts - How could you possibly expect to confidently win 100% of the time? You gotta see these sparring matches as practice. Practice sessions that you learn from. To develop your chops. It's the same with talking to girls when you're working on your game. It's practice. Your focus should be on the process. OBSESS OVER THE PROCESS. Perfect your system. Perfect your moves. When you're that focused on the process, your brain won't have room to be outcome-dependent. |
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| Author: | Versalis [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
Outcome independence is another example of the industry's useless mental wanking. The ONLY issue with "outcome dependence" is if you get overly cautious and fail to move on the girl because you "don't want to mess things up". You DO need to care about the outcome. If you don't know what you want, you are very unlikely to get it. There's a big difference between "I want this to go well" and "If this doesn't go well, I'll spiral into depression". Your want should be "I want things to sexually escalate as quickly as possible". Focus on that, and things will go as well as possible. |
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| Author: | coolbrownie69 [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 3:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
First of all watch less porn. Less porn will keep you horny and that desire to fuck bottled up in your brain will slightly lessen your fear of being rejected. You may think the opposite is true but it's really not. Approach girls everyday.. in the grocery store, on the street, in the library, in the bar... just get used to talking to them. Get used to some girls being nice and some girls shutting you down. Practice saying absurd things to girls and get rejected on purpose. I used to go up to milfs and say "you're beautiful, lets go back to my place" or some stupid shit and get rejected all the time (usually with a laugh). And after I get rejected I just laugh about it. I started to think all of my rejections were funny, even the serious ones, and I my mindset changed where I started to enjoy/have fun with all my approaches and rejections.. and not really care about the outcome because like you said, who fucking cares what they think, you'll never see them again These are some of the ways I got over that fear |
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| Author: | hugge [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
One way to stop caring would be to quit pickup altogether. But that won't take you far in terms of development. On the other hand, all the pressure from others to "master" your skills is like taking the highway to performance anxciety, self hatred and bad mental health in general. I suggest the middle road. Decide for yourself when you are good enough, how much effort it is worth, and when you feel good about leaning back and stop caring about PU. It's just like any hobby - just do it as long as you think it's fun. And finally, if you stop caring about the outcome you also stop caring about the process. Without outcome (goal), there is no direction to go, and therefore no process. The thing is to know how to deal with you feelings. Start with self acceptance - accept all you feelings, however you feel.. You don't have to feel good and positive all the time. Then learn to keep negative feelings to yourself, and don't act upon them. In fact, society forces us to do this to some extent through the law. E.g. you can't punch someone in the face just because you are angry and feel like it. In the same way, try to smile to people even when you are down, don't chase girls and be a pain in the ass just because you feel needy, and don't complain about shit. What I want to say with all this is that you should indeed care about the outcome, just don't act in a way that will scare people away. |
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| Author: | southern_gentlemangq [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
actually enjoy talking to them, don't look a them as objects (as much as i do smgdh) but look at them as human beings with abstract thoughts, amaznign opinions and all that bs..listen and your mind and body will follow, if you immerse yourself into the conversation youll find yourself not only learning about the girl but learning about how women work....talk to more women, don't go for the number or anythign just talk to them, notice body language, keep eye contact and see them as humans not formulas to calculate (another problem of mines lmfao) |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 9:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
One of the problems is many of us are living from this thought-emotion based systems. We get a thought and then and emotion or an emotional and then a thought. And this is an result of us being trained since we're younger to put all of our attention onto our brains. When you're hanging out with one of your best friends and having an amazing conversation you usually aren't thinking. You're doing. And eveything is just sorta flowing out naturally. Thats the state a woman wants to see you in. And it begins with taking the energy off of your head and placing it onto your gut. For example: If I told you right now to place all of your attention onto your right foot. With focus you should be able to feel your right foot become warm and start to tingle. This is a result of you using the same energy that we normally use to think to place energy on your foot. At this point you are no longer living from your head, you are living from your foot. However the foot has no consciousness so this isn't wise. What you actually want to do is place all of your energy into your gut. The gut is where your laughter is produced and it is also where you hunches and natural instincts come from. The gut has consciousness the same way the brain has consciousness. You have to retrain yourself to place and center your energy on your gut through the day. Use the brain when it is necessary, but as a general rule; keep the energy on your gut. And be aware that this will take practice and lots of it. You don't just go from living in your head for 20+ years to gut living in 2 weeks. You have to be willing to work at it; and once you get it you will be completely detached from that "outcome dependent" mental thinking that you're used to. Mix that with what Chief said and you'll be golden. Let me know if you have any further questions about this. Peace & Love |
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| Author: | Don Horneone [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
^Madness, I will definitely try this No love for the heart tho? |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
Quote: ^Madness, I will definitely try this
No love for the heart tho? Haha of course man. But thats a whole other topic. I find more people are out of touch with their guts than anything. So i always start there. Then you work your way up to the heart and finally the brain. We have to backwards. |
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| Author: | Don Horneone [ Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
Quote: Quote: ^Madness, I will definitely try this
No love for the heart tho? Haha of course man. But thats a whole other topic. I find more people are out of touch with their guts than anything. So i always start there. Then you work your way up to the heart and finally the brain. We have to backwards. |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
Quote: Your focus should be on the process. OBSESS OVER THE PROCESS. Perfect your system. Perfect your moves. When you're that focused on the process, your brain won't have room to be outcome-dependent.
When I saw the thread's title, I was going to say this. Since the Chief already said it, I'll second on the advice. It works man.
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| Author: | oceanx [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 2:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
You don't care about the result, you care that you are doing the thing that will get you the result. This is the mind state that keeps you in the field and crushes those bitch butterflies you may be experiencing. |
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| Author: | enlightenmentdating [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 3:26 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
The key to this is you should WANT whatever your end result is, you just shouldn’t NEED it. It’s ok to think about what you want out of a conversation whether it’s a phone number or sex. You just should be thinking to yourself, “This would be fun to have but I don’t need it.” Girls still want to know you’re interested in them, otherwise even the best game will not work. You can still be honest with yourself about what you want, you just NEED TO HAVE THE POWER TO WALK AWAY. Jason Capital talks about the ultimate masculine power which is THE ABILITY TO WALK AWAY AT ANY TIME. This ability to walk away stems from you believing that you don’t NEED anything from your conversations with women. If you want something to come of an interaction, be honest with yourself. |
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| Author: | Danny55 [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
I'd go with the porn thing. You can wank off to something you'll never get. |
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| Author: | Karlb [ Sat Nov 08, 2014 1:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: how can I stop caring about the result? |
It's a 100% organic result. When you realize that you're good with women and it doesn't mean s--t - I.E. - God doesn't come down on a rainbow tossing gold coins at you and your life isn't magically perfect - you naturally get in a mindset of not caring about the result. Women are very intuitive and don't like a man with an obvious agenda. I like to enjoy myself in every facet of my life and it shows. When you learn the truth (and realize that society is stupid and feeding lies to everyone about how getting good with women actually means something and somehow makes you happier or better) talking with women isn't anything and there's no such thing as rejection. |
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