Was with a girl for 5 years and change. She's now 23, I'm 26. Few months ago I asked her to move out, and we split. Week later we were hanging out once she got her own place, banging and hanging out, went on for another two months. No drama, minimal disagreements, it was like an extension of our relationship, but better.
I got insecure, asked her to tell her mom that we were spending time together again since she wasn't really telling anybody (they helped her get her place, move out, etc. She probably villianized me to them like a mofo). She did tell her mom, mom was super pissed, guilted her etc. One day she was a bitch via text about a week later, my friends came into town so I took a week away from her and froze her out unintentionally. A week later when I called her, she was cold, unresponsive, wouldn't talk to me. Called me back finally a few days later to tell me we weren't hanging out anymore. That was literally what she said. Didn't give real reasons, briefly mentioned that since I was mad she wasn't telling her parents we were back together, and some other bullshit reasons. I just said "Okay, I hope you're happy and find what you want. Thanks for everything, talk to you later". In retrospect, it was insecure of me and needy to want her to tell her parents and friends. And probably fucked things up. But that's moot point.
I figured it was really because she wanted to go fuck other people and stuff. Whatever. Brushed it off, went no contact immediately. I've been working out like a mother fucker, eating right, started a new charity for dogs. I'm already successful anyway and have a huge social circle, so expanding my life and improving isn't difficult. I'm doing these things for me in order to keep my mind off her, and whatnot. Even though I don't have a hard time not contacting her, it's still tough and hurts after five years together.
We were no contact a couple weeks, she starts texting me about bills she is getting emails about, and stupid shit. I responded minimally or not at all. It was one bill, I know it for a fact, so this was stupid bullshit behavior on her part. Then she keeps it up about a stupid incoherent bill issue once a week for two weeks, and at one point on the phone when she calls me, I mentioned she had shit I wanted out of the house, and I needed the house key/mail key back since the house we were renting was selling. I also told her I'd make sure I get the bill handled so she doesn't hear about it anymore.
We met up. We talked a bit, she told me some things about her boss being a POS (admitted I was right all along about him, he was a POS and treated all the employees like shit) and some other shit. Told me she has a new job interview tomorrow because she doesn't want to work there anymore. I suggested that we meet up sometime to catch up and do something fun. She gave reasons like "It hasn't been that long, that's kind of inappropriate, etc, etc." Basically, I'm fucking someone else, and I don't want to seem like a whore, because I'm not done with him yet, is how I took it.
We talk briefly about it, I tell her "I appreciate the way you're feeling, and I think the decision you made was right, I just don't want to throw out the friendship we've built." I tried to be assertive a couple times and joke and say let's just go have fun, it's nothing more nothing less.
It was brief, I wasn't needy, or minimally looking back on it, gave her a hug, she hugged back. There was no begging or pleading, She said thank you for her things, and we got in our cars and left.
I texted her later and joked about being right about her boss, "I hate to tell you I told you so, but, I DID tell you he sucked
" and she just texted back "yep". At this point, I shouldn't have said shit. Should have been back to NC, I shouldn't have sent the original text. But I did then this happened:Me: let me know how your interview goes tomorrow
Her: Listen it was nice seeing you and all, I just don't want to go to talking and hanging out all the time
Me: If you don't want to see me or talk to me again, just say so.
Her: It's not that, I'm just not interested in talking or hanging out right now
Me: Do what feels right, I don't care either way, just thought it'd be fun to see each other. Good luck C.
Once again, basically I'm fucking another guy and don't want to be judged like a whore. Whatever, I wasn't going to poke or prod.
I get home, I'm hanging out with a girl who I've been seeing, she finds out I saw my ex that day and SHE deletes my ex off facebook and instagram on my shit (what a bitch for touching my shit), and just today, I noticed my ex also defriended me and unfollowed.
Now, I shouldn't really care, since I'm in no contact, but a part of me can't help but think "She thinks I was reactive after we saw each other, and since she said she didn't want to hang out, she thinks I deleted her and shit. So she reactively deleted me. This makes me seem reactive." And that I fucked up all the work I've done. It probably makes her feel in control.
That's all I keep thinking, and I can't help but think this other girl just made me look REALLY bad to my ex. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
I just hope removing her doesn't fuck up any chances of us reconnecting later. I think right now she just needs time, so that's what I'm giving her and I'm moving on and dating other girls (already fucked four other ones, so don't tell me GFTOW, I know I know been around with this shit). I just can't shake the idea that some other girl deleted her, and it pisses me off, because now she can't actually SEE that I'm doing better and fine without her. But then again, it's all for me, so that shouldn't matter.
She probably thinks turning me down the other day to hang out really fucked me up and that's why she got removed. But it isn't.
So what say ye all?
Cliffs: Broke up with ex of 5 years. Went no contact.
Met up to exchange things after month.
Ex wasn't interested in a meetup yet.
Went home, another girl removed ex from facebook and IG THAT DAY
Me: Worried that other girl made me look reactive and pissed off she wouldn't hang out
Me: Definitely open to being with my ex again, but I have to work out my few issues, and her work out hers, and don't want this stupid bitch removing my ex to fuck with my chances later.
Doing my best, thanks for your advice.