PUA Forum :: How to cut off a oneitis?

Hi guys, looking for some advice to do the correct thing..

I was really close friends with a girl for years and ended up sleeping with her. I then had a lot of personal issues and ended up acting purely AFC (needy, clingy, desperate etc) and she cut me off for 18 months.

Over the last three months she has been back in touch, she recently has split up with her boyfriend. We text everyday (she normally initiates in fairness), but such actions have made my feelings have come flooding back to me.. It's distracting me from other women in my life and I'm putting all my attention into her again, I'm holding my frame this time and she knows this as she's told me I've changed and that we've turned a corner.

However I know 100% she just wants to be friends, but I can't do that, I've recently had a lot of regret over how I acted and 'feel' like I messed up on a good thing. Basically I want her back, but I know it wouldn't happen. Her friends saying she told them she was into me but how I acted ruined it and she can't ever put herself in that situation again confirmed this. She's also going travelling for a year, early next year.

So in summary, I need to cut her off to resume my life as before she got in touch I was flying, highly confident and gaming well. Yet, I have to hold my hands up and admit I've gone backwards.

How do I do this correctly? She's a good girl and I don't want to come across in a bad way (if possible). Do I go cold? Do I tell her why? I'm unsure as to what I should do so really looking for help on this one.

I know it will be difficult but I'm sure everyone can relate, I need to let this one go, there's no fairytale ending here. Any help would be much appreciated.

It is one thing to try to learn from interactions so you can see patterns and figure out what you are doing wrong, but trying to focus much energy and attention on one girl you KNOW is trouble is a waste of time.

Easier said than done haha, as I said I genuinely like the girl but my feelings for her are too much and it's not what she wants...

The problem that I have is she has just again text me asking how my bro's shoulder is (she's a nurse and I told her about him dislocating it last week)

So you're suggesting I'm just ruthless and reply saying I don't want to speak.. that's my dilemma

Quote:

No, I'm suggesting you fade out. Just stop replying.

Dude, you said you can't be her friend, and she doesn't want anything more --- can you actually tell me what staying in contact with her would do for you?

Author:	buttonman [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:09 pm ]
Post subject:	How to cut off a oneitis?
Hi guys, looking for some advice to do the correct thing.. I was really close friends with a girl for years and ended up sleeping with her. I then had a lot of personal issues and ended up acting purely AFC (needy, clingy, desperate etc) and she cut me off for 18 months. Over the last three months she has been back in touch, she recently has split up with her boyfriend. We text everyday (she normally initiates in fairness), but such actions have made my feelings have come flooding back to me.. It's distracting me from other women in my life and I'm putting all my attention into her again, I'm holding my frame this time and she knows this as she's told me I've changed and that we've turned a corner. However I know 100% she just wants to be friends, but I can't do that, I've recently had a lot of regret over how I acted and 'feel' like I messed up on a good thing. Basically I want her back, but I know it wouldn't happen. Her friends saying she told them she was into me but how I acted ruined it and she can't ever put herself in that situation again confirmed this. She's also going travelling for a year, early next year. So in summary, I need to cut her off to resume my life as before she got in touch I was flying, highly confident and gaming well. Yet, I have to hold my hands up and admit I've gone backwards. How do I do this correctly? She's a good girl and I don't want to come across in a bad way (if possible). Do I go cold? Do I tell her why? I'm unsure as to what I should do so really looking for help on this one. I know it will be difficult but I'm sure everyone can relate, I need to let this one go, there's no fairytale ending here. Any help would be much appreciated.

Author:	oceanx [ Tue Oct 21, 2014 7:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
I'd be mature about it without showing your cards that you have feelings for her. She may chase you sexually if you do this, but you can always reject that if you want. Something like "i know we were friends before but now that i've matured i realize i cannot just be friends with females." (friends i.e. chit-chatty, how was your day, what did you buy at the store bff shit that she would talk about with her homosexual male best friend). You're a busy guy; you basically have time for your work/school/bros/girlfriends.

Author:	bluey11 [ Tue Oct 21, 2014 7:46 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
With a cold approach and cutting off contact you are going to the point of no return, choose wisely.

Author:	breedlove465 [ Tue Oct 21, 2014 12:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Quote: Hi guys, looking for some advice to do the correct thing.. I was really close friends with a girl for years and ended up sleeping with her. I then had a lot of personal issues and ended up acting purely AFC (needy, clingy, desperate etc) and she cut me off for 18 months. Over the last three months she has been back in touch, she recently has split up with her boyfriend. We text everyday (she normally initiates in fairness), but such actions have made my feelings have come flooding back to me.. It's distracting me from other women in my life and I'm putting all my attention into her again, I'm holding my frame this time and she knows this as she's told me I've changed and that we've turned a corner. However I know 100% she just wants to be friends, but I can't do that, I've recently had a lot of regret over how I acted and 'feel' like I messed up on a good thing. Basically I want her back, but I know it wouldn't happen. Her friends saying she told them she was into me but how I acted ruined it and she can't ever put herself in that situation again confirmed this. She's also going travelling for a year, early next year. So in summary, I need to cut her off to resume my life as before she got in touch I was flying, highly confident and gaming well. Yet, I have to hold my hands up and admit I've gone backwards. How do I do this correctly? She's a good girl and I don't want to come across in a bad way (if possible). Do I go cold? Do I tell her why? I'm unsure as to what I should do so really looking for help on this one. I know it will be difficult but I'm sure everyone can relate, I need to let this one go, there's no fairytale ending here. Any help would be much appreciated. First off, keep in mind that your sanity supercedes hers. It's more important for you to get your shit together than to make her happy. If you aren't in a relationship with her then it's not your job to make her happy, that's her job. My advice is to be straight up and tell her "I've matured since the last time we were friends and us hanging out and being buddy buddy isn't something I want right now."

Author:	imaflirt [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 12:16 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
This reminds me of an on again off again rel I was in a few years ago with hb9. I was constantly trying to figure her out. In reality there was something wrong with her and I wasted 3 years fretting over someone I should have just let go. It will sap your energy. It is one thing to try to learn from interactions so you can see patterns and figure out what you are doing wrong, but trying to focus much energy and attention on one girl you KNOW is trouble is a waste of time. in the three years I was with hb9 I could havebanged a dozen chics without all the drama. Just glad I didn't marry her. Botrom line, play her cold, fuck her, but then move on and let HER be the one trying to figure out what happened.

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Author:	oceanx [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:09 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Quote: It is one thing to try to learn from interactions so you can see patterns and figure out what you are doing wrong, but trying to focus much energy and attention on one girl you KNOW is trouble is a waste of time. This is exactly right. Making assumptions based on a sample size of 1 could lead a guy to having game that is off if the particular girl doesn't fit the generalizations of a larger population of women.

Author:	buttonman [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 9:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Thanks everyone. So far since my last post she has initiated twice, one by sending a snap and the second by sending a one word text. I've had no reason to respond so it has made it easy, perhaps when she sends a text asking the question I can make my statement of intent

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
If it were me, I'd fade right out of her life... If you don't want to be her friend and you want to move on, there's no point in being delicate about it.

Author:	Stenic1 [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:41 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
I would fuck her right in the pussy just for the fun of it. Then fade out her life as charles said.

Author:	buttonman [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 2:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Easier said than done haha, as I said I genuinely like the girl but my feelings for her are too much and it's not what she wants... The problem that I have is she has just again text me asking how my bro's shoulder is (she's a nurse and I told her about him dislocating it last week) So you're suggesting I'm just ruthless and reply saying I don't want to speak.. that's my dilemma

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 2:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Quote: Easier said than done haha, as I said I genuinely like the girl but my feelings for her are too much and it's not what she wants... The problem that I have is she has just again text me asking how my bro's shoulder is (she's a nurse and I told her about him dislocating it last week) So you're suggesting I'm just ruthless and reply saying I don't want to speak.. that's my dilemma No, I'm suggesting you fade out. Just stop replying. Dude, you said you can't be her friend, and she doesn't want anything more --- can you actually tell me what staying in contact with her would do for you?

Author:	buttonman [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 3:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Quote: Quote: Easier said than done haha, as I said I genuinely like the girl but my feelings for her are too much and it's not what she wants... The problem that I have is she has just again text me asking how my bro's shoulder is (she's a nurse and I told her about him dislocating it last week) So you're suggesting I'm just ruthless and reply saying I don't want to speak.. that's my dilemma No, I'm suggesting you fade out. Just stop replying. Dude, you said you can't be her friend, and she doesn't want anything more --- can you actually tell me what staying in contact with her would do for you? Don't get me wrong I understand what you're saying, I just thought replying to a text like that which she has just sent to say I don't wanna talk anymore would be wrong. Basically your method is to go cold and cut contact, which I feel would be much easier for me. Even though it's harsh, I suppose I'm in this for me, not her

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:36 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
You have admitted that her presence in your life is pointless. You can't be her friend. There's no point to continue having her in your life.

Author:	Gunfighter28 [ Sat Oct 25, 2014 5:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How to cut off a oneitis?
Dude if you want this girl back as your gf do exactly what I say, and you'll get her back guaranteed! 1st of all let's look at the facts you basically acted weak that turned her off now she's back in touch with you, and you're showing alpha male traits holding your frame etc. Now think of this the girl broke up with you of course she's gonna have her reservations about getting back together with you, but she's obviously thinking about it, and she's not gonna come running back saying she wants to be in a relationship right away hence why she just wants to be friends now what you have to do, and I'm certain it will work for you is talk to her tell her you like her you think she's a great girl, but you're only interested in her romantically and you're not interested in friendship, but to give you a call if she changes her mind. I'm willing to bet within the week she gets in contact with you. In the mean time read Corey Wayne's e-book how to be a 3% man. Do exactly what I told you, and you will get her back!

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