PUA Forum :: got told to tone down the sexuality

So ive been texting this girl, its going well, except she 'lost it' with me as i made a sexual innuendo and she thinks im objectifying her...

I made a few sexual remarks etc over the course of a few days and she found them funny, said I was cheeky etc.

The context of this remark, was that another time she said to rhetoricly go for steak , I said only on steak n blow job day, she said haha she is good at blowjobs. a few days later she asked what my fave food was, I said steak with a wink face.

She basicly blew up saying she has had enough of the sexual remarks, and to tone it down because its putting her off me.

I dont believe Ive been too over the top with it, I usually go alot harder on other girls.

Anyone any experience or advice with this? We are meeting for a date next week and moved past the 'bust up' but its kind of put me off her if anything

Author:	trevjim [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:	got told to tone down the sexuality
So ive been texting this girl, its going well, except she 'lost it' with me as i made a sexual innuendo and she thinks im objectifying her... I made a few sexual remarks etc over the course of a few days and she found them funny, said I was cheeky etc. The context of this remark, was that another time she said to rhetoricly go for steak , I said only on steak n blow job day, she said haha she is good at blowjobs. a few days later she asked what my fave food was, I said steak with a wink face. She basicly blew up saying she has had enough of the sexual remarks, and to tone it down because its putting her off me. I dont believe Ive been too over the top with it, I usually go alot harder on other girls. Anyone any experience or advice with this? We are meeting for a date next week and moved past the 'bust up' but its kind of put me off her if anything

Author:	puaninja [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Some girls eat it up, some are too classy for it. If she tells you its bothering her then chill the hell out with it and use some different tactics. Not much else to say really.

Author:	Dragula [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Yeah not all girl is down with it. I usually probe things 1st, and then turn up the heat gradually...

Author:	neo87 [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
What's the point of being sexual over text before you meet them? Just wondering

Author:	trevjim [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Thanks for replies. I was a bit shocked as she reacted well go the 'probes' And even gave it back on a few occasions. I'm a bit hesitant how to 've on the date now, usually I am quite forward but not sure now

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Author:	trevjim [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Quote: What's the point of being sexual over text before you meet them? Just wondering I literally grabbed her number on the way to a lift home one night, so I needed to build up attraction and sexual tension

Author:	TheFury [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
It's a big mistake as others have mentioned to assume a girl wants to get into dirty talk ... you should be letting them initiate or hint at it first...sexting is a bonus that is hardly necessary for seduction: this is why you should never risk going there unless you know it will work, because the downside is pretty big and if she is into sexting, you probably were gonna get some anyways.

Author:	puaninja [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 11:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
You use ioi's to calibrate what level of lecherousness you can use with her. But I also wonder with some guys if they really need to be so lewd and use all of the innuendo that they do. It's pretty obvious after a while if the girl is receptive, so how far do you really need to take it before it's overkill and tasteless? I had a girl tell me on a date that she is glad we are going out because she is tired of using her dildo. Aside from that dude in the other thread who had the girl expose her ass to him, I'd say that's about the biggest ioi you can get. But did I really need to go on and make blowjob references all night? Clearly I could've, as she was horny and into it. However, I already knew I was getting laid so I just played it cool and did the normal kino escalation and patiently waited to get my freak on later that night.

Author:	neo87 [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 11:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Quote: It's a big mistake as others have mentioned to assume a girl wants to get into dirty talk ... you should be letting them initiate or hint at it first...sexting is a bonus that is hardly necessary for seduction: this is why you should never risk going there unless you know it will work, because the downside is pretty big and if she is into sexting, you probably were gonna get some anyways. I agree, hence I asked the question because I don't really see the point to it. I typically only get sexual in person or in text, AFTER sex. Remember, she's a girl and ASD kicks in. She may be sexual and flirtacious one minute, but then later it can hit her. If you go sexual over text, the girl may follow your lead and get sexual. But later she'll feel like a slut.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Sun Oct 12, 2014 11:56 am ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
If at some point she actually told you she's good at blowjobs then fuck her. She's being a bitch IMHO. She can't play along with some harmless innuendo and then just 180 flip her direction unless you've left something out of your story. Sounds like she's pms'ing to me.

Author:	Monsignor Crisanto [ Sun Oct 12, 2014 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
You'll need to be congruent. If you started off very sexual and you fall into her frame of toning your sexuality down, then you have effectively supplicated; your dominance has been cut several notches down. What I usually do is ignore and keep at it until I get shot down in full. Being shot down seldom happens though. Girls will usually fall into your frame and they'll accept you as a very sexual being because you are simply being yourself. They'll trust you more and will usually submit to your dominance. Of course, another good strategy is to calibrate your verbal and textual sexuality while being sexual physically or non-verbally. But that's water under the bridge. You already started off very sexual so you might as well have maintained the frame instead of falling into hers. A phone convo is a private thing. So social ASD is mostly absent since almost nobody can see your phone convo unless her friends took a peek at her text messages coming from you. Her internal ASD will only be very strong if she doesn't see you as a sex provider/fuck buddy/friends with benefits and instead sees you as a boyfriend or husband material. Stick to your branding/image as a sex provider. You'll get shit tested a lot. But when you pass those shit tests, all is good.

Author:	fishnwomen [ Sun Oct 12, 2014 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
I agree with what hellbound said. You shouldn't change your tactics for this girl, I would tell her that's just who you are, and that if she doesn't like it she can fuck off, in a nicer tone than that. In the future, I would keep the obvious sexual texting to a minimum, and let the natural tension between guys and girls take place.

Author:	skills360 [ Sun Oct 12, 2014 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
Quote: So ive been texting this girl, its going well, except she 'lost it' with me as i made a sexual innuendo and she thinks im objectifying her... I made a few sexual remarks etc over the course of a few days and she found them funny, said I was cheeky etc. The context of this remark, was that another time she said to rhetoricly go for steak , I said only on steak n blow job day, she said haha she is good at blowjobs. a few days later she asked what my fave food was, I said steak with a wink face. She basicly blew up saying she has had enough of the sexual remarks, and to tone it down because its putting her off me. I dont believe Ive been too over the top with it, I usually go alot harder on other girls. Anyone any experience or advice with this? We are meeting for a date next week and moved past the 'bust up' but its kind of put me off her if anything some women will be put off by it, and that is fine you calibrate accordingly or screen them out... there is nothing you did wrong, that is her problem....I rather lose women for being sexual that by not being sexual. Just make sure you mix it with other topics, and talk about other things and not go over the top.

Author:	oceanx [ Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
I can't imagine how it would be to escalate with a girl who can't tolerate someone texting the word 'steak'. If you've bought in to her reframe it might be a long slog. Could either go out w/ her or text saying 'this isn't gonna work u dont seem to like the real me, take care' and see if she chases. If she chases, she's giving you the green light to maintain the frame you initially set. I agree with the comments above re: sexting only after sexing. Quote: Stick to your branding/image as a sex provider. I love this line. Reminds of the quote "You gotta let them know what kind of guy you are, then they'll know what kind of girl to be"

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Author:	Stenic1 [ Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:41 am ]
Post subject:	Re: got told to tone down the sexuality
I agree fully with charles... She cant initiate by saying shes good at blowjobs and then you make a small innuendo joke and she flips out. Personally i would say look - im a very sexually orientated guy i love sex its natural to love sex. If your not very sexual then fair enough but dont freak out at me for making a silly remark.