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Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone else..
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Author:  boysetfire [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone else..
Hey guys!

i'm a total newbie in this and this is my first post here to get some help....

about me: i read a couple of books and forums about PUA, but I'm still an absolute beginner (single for 3 months now). Thanks to Tinder I've had lots of dates during the time and in case I am interested things usually go pretty well ;)

Now, there's this one girl who is giving me a really hard time and I need some pro-advice on this :)
Date 1: easy and relaxed, got some sushi, went to 2 bars, had a great time, connected pretty well, went home. No kissing or whatsoever...
Date 2: one week later or so, chilled in a beach club, went home to my place, made out but LMR from her side.
Since then things went not so well: It's been a while since we've seen each other. We set up a cooking date at my place a couple of weeks ago, she flaked at the last minute saying an old friend of hers is in town and she can't make it today (lame excuse!)
I reduced contact to a minimum thereafter and after a while she got back to me. We set up a new date, but today she flaked again at the very last minute saying:

"I've thought about this again and actually I'm seeing another guy, but things between us aren't pretty clear. Now, I am not quite sure whether I should be seeing you" - WTF??

I texted her something like: "well, things between us aren't pretty clear either. You gotta decide what to do, but I won't be playing the role of an 'alternative' " - no reply yet.

----------------------
She's giving me headaches. WTF?? Is she just not sure or is she shittesting me? I know she is somehow into me as she went back to my place and agreed to seeing each other again, but now she starts flaking... What is going on here and how should I handle it?

Thanks in advance guys! :)
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Usually a bad sign if she tells you straight up.

If you were more experienced, I'd say turn her into a fuck buddy, but I don't think you could handle it emotionally.

Next her. You need to get out there and get more experience. Fuck lots of different women.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
I agree that she's just going to cause you grief. You should probably put her on the back burner.

Future reference - a better reply to her message saying she's seeing someone else would have been something along the lines of: "No problem, good luck"

The whole "alternative" line sounded a little rough to me, and was sort of like you trying to get the last word in (even if that wasn't what you were doing).
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
She's not replying to that text, but there is a chance she will attempt to initiate contact in about a week or so if you keep yourself from contacting her.

When a girl flakes you leave it up to HER to give you an alternative. Or suggest another day when she's free. If she doesn't do it then you pull out and shoot your load with someone else.

Charge it to the game though bro, this was caused by her sensing a tad bit of neediness coming from you.

I recently got friend zoned by a girl I had sex with on the second floor of an empty dinner. She was so hot and the sex experience was so incredible that I became needy. She was able to sense that from me (female intuition) and hit me with a LJFB speech shortly after the sex.

So don't feel bad. It's just what happens when we don't retain control over our emotions.
Author:  boysetfire [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
thanks for the swift feedback guys!

CharlesFinley: ok, I’ll take that for future reference, thanks! I knew it sounded a little rough, I put in some smileys here and there to ease it a little bit ;) Don’t know if that makes it any better though… I just wanted to make a point (prove confidence and all that…), but I guess a relaxed „allright, whatever“ would have done the job?

But: why does she even make plans with me and then flakes at the very last minute? Could you shed some light on this? Why not „hey listen, I’m seeing someone else - let’s call it a day“ right away???
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Quote:
thanks for the swift feedback guys!

CharlesFinley: ok, I’ll take that for future reference, thanks! I knew it sounded a little rough, I put in some smileys here and there to ease it a little bit ;) Don’t know if that makes it any better though… I just wanted to make a point (prove confidence and all that…), but I guess a relaxed „allright, whatever“ would have done the job?

But: why does she even make plans with me and then flakes at the very last minute? Could you shed some light on this? Why not „hey listen, I’m seeing someone else - let’s call it a day“ right away???

Because she is not a MAN and she is not going to operate from the position of masculine integrity that you are currently holding her to. What you stated above is something a man would do. He would come straight up like a man and tell it how it is.

She may of needed time to think it over. But it honestly doesn't even matter. The only thing relevant to the situation is her latest action. Anything prior to that was the result of emotions that no longer exist.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Quote:
But: why does she even make plans with me and then flakes at the very last minute? Could you shed some light on this? Why not „hey listen, I’m seeing someone else - let’s call it a day“ right away???
Honestly it could have been anything from her not actually seeing the guy or being exclusive with him when she started talking to you, to her just liking attention.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Girls flake a lot. Every single guy here has been flaked on -

I've been flaked on DOZENS of times... It happens.
Author:  snapshot99 [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
She flaked because she has options.

If you had 2 girls giving you attention, you'd give the one who has better plans for the 2 of you attention.

So you coming up short because the other guy has better plans in her view.

She's telling you because she doesn't have certainty with the other guy and still wants to keep her options open with you if it doesn't work out with him.

Also, she's telling you because she wants things casual(FWB) with you and not go into relationship mode.

Your best bet with this girl is to actually encourage her to explore options with the other guy, she won't expect that and it will probably make her curious and think that she's been replaced(scarcity mentality).

Instead of arranging another get-together, send her txt messages of fun things that you are doing(pictures are even better. The thought of you having fun without her(take some random pics with other girls as well) will increase your value in her eyes and you'll find she be more compliant(actually pitch up when she says she will).
Author:  boysetfire [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Thanks for the input guys! Some things not quite clear though:
Quote:
Also, she's telling you because she wants things casual(FWB) with you and not go into relationship mode.
Well we've already been at a point where sex would have been the next step, but she reacted with sudden LMR (2nd date, quote: "I'm not that kind of girl"). Doesn't sound like her being into FWB, does it?
Quote:
Your best bet with this girl is to actually encourage her to explore options with the other guy, she won't expect that and it will probably make her curious and think that she's been replaced(scarcity mentality).
Sounds good to me, but I already texted her saying that it's for her to decide whom to see, but that I won't be her "alternative" and that she will have to decide (see initial post). Any suggestions on how to convey that now?
Author:  snapshot99 [ Wed Jul 30, 2014 10:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
The joys of being a man is that YOU decide where there interaction goes.

Now note I said you decide and not that the outcome is guaranteed by you.

Once you've decided you want to f-close and it doesn't happen then it's time to decide again:

a) do I put more effort into someone who is not on the same page as me; OR

b) do I find a different person that WANTS to enjoy intimacy with me(f-close)

Leaving it up to her to decide gives HER the power and choice, which judging by her flaking she hasn't deserved.

Only give the power of decision-making to people who have earned your trust and have your best interest at heart.

So decide for yourself - what has she done for you to make it to your list of FWB or worthy enough to have the exalted title of girlfriend?

It should be a luxury for her just to breath the same air as you but she chooses to pawn you off for some other dude. Not cool, especially after all the cools things you've done to make her comfortable and feel appreciated.

My advice - 'accidently' send her a picture of 2 girls kissing your face from either side(with that 'this could have been you-expression.
Author:  BrandonMarshall [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Fuck Her Sister.



Honestly I think you responded well. Leave her be... do your own thing. Plenty of women out there for you man. She'll probably come texting you back anyway.
Author:  oceanx [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 5:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Snapshot's advice is spot on.

Also when she says "i'm not that kind of girl" this is run of the mill LMR as you had stated in the OP.

Go on with your life, meet more women.
Quote:
"well, things between us aren't pretty clear either. You gotta decide what to do, but I won't be playing the role of an 'alternative' "


From this it looks like you wanted a full fledged relationship w/ the girl. May be too late to encourage her to date the other guy and send her fun texts showing her what she's missing, but it can't hurt to try.
Author:  BITmixit [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Either:

A) "Fair enough. Cheers for being honest, I was just keeping it chilled & fun. Good luck :)"

B) Just move on.

Either way you just want to make it seem to her like it's not a big deal.

Girls will mostly gravitate towards guys that don't pay them as much attention because they want to get that attention. It's why every so often I'll go full on no contact with my girlfriend till she contacts me with the standard "baby where u atttttttt? :(" then next time we have sex she goes full out, gets on top, makes sure she's at the height of her sexiness and such.

Keeping a girl interested isn't about being fullon asshole or fullon nice guy. You flip between the two. Keeps them guessing.

You also made plans WAY too far ahead which is boring to her and makes it seem like you don't have an active lifestyle. ANY PLANS you/her make ahead of the end of the week will most likely not happen. Even if she flakes and suggest a new date. Take the control back.

Her: Hey, I can't make it tonight :( my friend is in town and I haven't seen him/her in ages.

Me: It's cool, i've been snapped up already. Have fun!

Her: Will do, maybe we could do something next week?

Me: Ah, I don't make plans that far ahead. Never know what's gonna pop up. I'll let you know when I know.

The other thing is that when a girl is doing ANYTHING apart from getting naked, sucking you off or bending over then it's just not a big deal to you. Your "I won't be playing the role of alternative" made it seem like it's a big deal to you. When the other dude is most likely going "Ah you're a free woman, have some fun" which she'll respect more and get naked for.

The problem with the majority of men these days is that they make themselves far too available as soon as a woman shows interest. The only time this develops into a relationship is when

A) She's a mental.
B) She's insecure (thus mental)
C) She does fuckall and thus isn't an interesting person and is only fuck buddy worthy (in which case she'll turn mental)
Author:  boysetfire [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help required: Girl flakes, says she's seeing someone el
Ok, so I really fucked this one up :mrgreen:

Thank you guys, really great input here!
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