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Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
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Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
I met a girl and went out with her once about a month ago. We went to the woods and spent the day walking around. I feel like it went really well and I made a good impression as I am always in a really good mood when I am out in nature. We talked a lot. I tried a few different techniques but mostly I was building comfort and showing interest in her as a person. However she resisted my physical advances and told me about how she ended a 5-year relationship a few months ago. She did ask me about my sign though, said I had a nice smile and didn't seem to mind or be uncomfortable when I had my arm around her for a while.

Since then I have tried to get together with her a couple of times, but unsuccessfully. The first time I invited her to go on this event where we form teams and go around town taking photos (we are both into photography) but I had to cancel it as I had forgotten about something else I had that day which was really important! A week or two later I told her I was going to a painting workshop and invited her to come along. Her answer: "Didn't know there is such an event But right now I don't feel like I will join you, my mind is in too big mess, but will see how I feel on Sunday." (Sunday was the day of the workshop.). I told her I understand and to let me know if she is up for it. This was about three weeks ago and now I'm wondering how to proceed.

I feel like if I invite her out again I may be chasing too much, but if I don't I will not hear from her again. So I'm thinking about sending her a Facebook message, that way it will be more casual. Maybe I will just flirt with her a bit, maybe I will also invite her to a festival this weekend, or maybe I should try to find out where we stand? I am worried that she is uninterested because she is 21 and I am 32 (if you read my previous thread, this is another 21-year old :wink:). I'd really like to know if this is true so I can move on from her. What do you think would be the best way to message her on Facebook?
Author:  Gunfighter28 [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Hey dude the age factor shouldn't be a problem I know couples with a bigger age gap then that.

Your problem is there is comfort lacking as much as you built it on your date it still wasn't enough. You've asked her out twice got the same response each time that should tell you ok something isn't right I need to step back and revaluate before I proceed instead of chasing. Don't ask her out again CALL her have a strong light hearted comfort building convo and DO NOT bring up a date. A few strong phone calls will dramatically change her thoughts toward you (been there done that) get her hooked and chasing you a bit once you've established that then she'll practically be begging you for a date. If she doesn't answer send her a short text saying, but keeping the power. hey I just got tired of texting so I thought I'd give you a call instead. You must be out and I gotta be somewhere I'll give you a call tomorrow evening. I've done that exactly actually last week and it worked perfectly so incase you had your doubts I am speaking from experience.

Hope that helps good luck!!
Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Quote:
Hey dude the age factor shouldn't be a problem I know couples with a bigger age gap then that.

Your problem is there is comfort lacking as much as you built it on your date it still wasn't enough. You've asked her out twice got the same response each time that should tell you ok something isn't right I need to step back and revaluate before I proceed instead of chasing. Don't ask her out again CALL her have a strong light hearted comfort building convo and DO NOT bring up a date. A few strong phone calls will dramatically change her thoughts toward you (been there done that) get her hooked and chasing you a bit once you've established that then she'll practically be begging you for a date. If she doesn't answer send her a short text saying, but keeping the power. hey I just got tired of texting so I thought I'd give you a call instead. You must be out and I gotta be somewhere I'll give you a call tomorrow evening. I've done that exactly actually last week and it worked perfectly so incase you had your doubts I am speaking from experience.

Hope that helps good luck!!
Actually she turned me down once because the time before it was I who had forgotten about something else I had planned! But still I would feel silly asking again so that's why I am re-evaluating, like you said!

Oh and about age, sure there are couples with bigger age gaps, but there are also people who don't care about them and people who do!

On to what matters...
It sounds like a pretty good tactic, but I'm afraid I will just fail! I'm not comfortable on the phone and unless she really helps me I will most likely make a bad impression. I know I shouldn't think like that but I can't help it based on past experiences.

Hmm I was sure that flirting on Facebook without asking her out was the way to go now, but I can see how it would be much more attractive if I could pull off a phone call...
Author:  Gunfighter28 [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
In my opinion a phone call is your only effective play right now. Personally I used to be the WORST at phone calls! I had a few failures, but I got better now its a strong point for me. I still get a bit of aa sometimes before a call, but I don't let it rule me.

I'm gonna suggest you read up on some of Eddie Fews articles on how to have convos with women. www.wayoftheplayer.com or www.eddiefews.com. Only use those for a guideline don't think I have to do this and that if you overthink like that bam you're dead in the water. What I do when say I'm about to call a new girl and I'm nervous and can't seem to shake the nerves I'll physically lay down take a couple min get a rough idea of what I'm gonna say then as soon as I do that grab my phone hit dial right away so I don't think myself out of it.

All I can tell you is chill out and be cool. Talking on the phone isn't nearly as hard as you may think.
Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 3:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Quote:
In my opinion a phone call is your only effective play right now. Personally I used to be the WORST at phone calls! I had a few failures, but I got better now its a strong point for me. I still get a bit of aa sometimes before a call, but I don't let it rule me.

I'm gonna suggest you read up on some of Eddie Fews articles on how to have convos with women. http://www.wayoftheplayer.com or http://www.eddiefews.com. Only use those for a guideline don't think I have to do this and that if you overthink like that bam you're dead in the water. What I do when say I'm about to call a new girl and I'm nervous and can't seem to shake the nerves I'll physically lay down take a couple min get a rough idea of what I'm gonna say then as soon as I do that grab my phone hit dial right away so I don't think myself out of it.

All I can tell you is chill out and be cool. Talking on the phone isn't nearly as hard as you may think.
I'm gonna check out those articles. I guess if anything it will be good practice. Otherwise it probably won't work out with her anyway and hey, she might appreciate my courage :lol:
Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 4:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
I had a quick look at those links and didn't find anything about phone calls. I might have missed it, but I'm at work right now; will have a better look at it later. In the meantime, anyone have any tips about what to talk about and how to do it over the phone?
Author:  Gunfighter28 [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
At some point you're gonna have to learn how to be good on the phone and there's no time like the present to start getting better! Give her a call if it goes badly there's millions of other girls out there if it goes well then you're on the right track. Women definitely appreciate a guy that can has the balls to call and talk to them! Even more so if they're not comfortable talking on the, but you get them to be comfortable with you'll have her hooked.

Here's a convo I had last week. Hey I'm getting sick of all this texting I'm gonna give you a call in a couple min.

Her: phone call wow! You're so old fashioned... I like it ;)
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
You fucked up by going for a walk in the woods instead of a romp in the sheets. She probably went and fucked someone else after you went for your little stroll.
Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Quote:
You fucked up by going for a walk in the woods instead of a romp in the sheets. She probably went and fucked someone else after you went for your little stroll.
Yeah :roll:
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Quote:
Quote:
You fucked up by going for a walk in the woods instead of a romp in the sheets. She probably went and fucked someone else after you went for your little stroll.
Yeah :roll:

Next time you go on a "date," get her close to your house... This girl is 21 years old dude! She wants to get blown out like a flat tire and you're taking her on walks through the woods?!

Image
Author:  threadstarter [ Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
You fucked up by going for a walk in the woods instead of a romp in the sheets. She probably went and fucked someone else after you went for your little stroll.
Yeah :roll:

Next time you go on a "date," get her close to your house... This girl is 21 years old dude! She wants to get blown out like a flat tire and you're taking her on walks through the woods?!

Image
Actually we met very close to my house and then I told her I had to go home to get some stuff. I invited her in but she declined. She barely knew me at that point and hadn't opened up to me yet. I opened her up while we were out and since my place was on her way home I invited her over for dinner afterwards but she declined again.

I feel like I did my best and I have no regrets. At least our "date" didn't cost me anything. Don't judge. If you have something useful to say I'm all ears.
Author:  threadstarter [ Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Well I called her today. It wasn't difficult at all -- I was pretty relaxed and made sure I had a good tone of voice, spoke slowly and had something to talk about -- but it didn't get me anywhere.

She said from the start that she was super busy and explained that she had just started working at a new place and that she has two jobs now. So I asked if she was busy at that moment or in general and she said in general so I kept talking to her. I asked about her new job but she wasn't telling me much, I kind of had to dig it out of her. Then I said I was walking through the woods near my house and it reminded me of the time we went to the woods, how nice and relaxing it was, so I thought I'd give her a call and see how she was doing. All in all we spoke for one minute and 53 seconds before she cut it short because she was busy.

She didn't give me a chance. It doesn't seem like she is interested and I have no idea what I can do to change that now.
Author:  Gunfighter28 [ Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Went out once, having hard time arranging 2nd date
Well mate I'm glad to hear you did well on the phone its only gonna get easier from here. You didn't get the desired result take it as a learning experience. All you can do now is step and let her come to you. You've put your effort in anymore on your part is gonna reek of neediness/desperation/try hard believe me been there done that learned the hard way.

What I'm gonna suggest is focus on the positives what you learned from this the improvments you made on your phone game and apply that to new women you meet. I also think you should check out the RSD video crawling out from neediness. After you watch it you'll understand the connection between what they say and your situation.
Hope that helps good luck dude!
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