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I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
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Author:  Lumberdog [ Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:20 pm ]
Post subject:  I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
My problem for my whole life is that, when I somehow appear to be in a group of strangers or people i dont know that much, I run out of things to say (or we just have small talk) and I become boring. After I realise that I am not talking, I try it and when it dont work out (conversation dies quickly after i start with something), I just go home (because Im hungry,sleepy.. yes lie in this, i wont tell people that Im going home because I can not be as social as I wish to be). You know.. its really embarrasing when you just sit and 2 people have a conversation while you are sitting in the middle of them, having nothing to tell. THIS KILLS ME AND I HATE IT!
What would you guys recommend me? anything please
Author:  Talz [ Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
Hi,
I have the exact same problem and many others also. Like anything, it can be improved though. If ur picking up a girl, just keep the conversation going about anything. Yesterday I had a date and I realized how easy it was to get the girl talking by just asking questions (what do u think about x, how did that make u feel etc...). If I'm fly at a loss, I just say a rly interesting made up story and DHV and get the convo going.
Author:  Dzifa [ Sun Apr 06, 2014 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
I am new here, and your problem is very commen I think.
I think the best you can do is learning some routines. And as Metal_Stuff mentioned, ask her opion about everything.

When you run out of the above, you can always ask the more boring/commen questions:
- What are you hobby's?
- Where do you come from?
- Do you like the music here?
- Do you study?
Author:  sugarwallz616 [ Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
Dude open ended questions are a must. Be an active listener and say things such as "oh really, tell me more" or "wow that is interesting, why do you....?"
Author:  Talz [ Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
Quote:
Dude open ended questions are a must. Be an active listener and say things such as "oh really, tell me more" or "wow that is interesting, why do you....?"
So true, I'm always surprised how chicks won't shut up when u ask them their opinion on something.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
First off you need to understand that 95% of people don't really give a sh!t about what you have to say and most of the times really just want to talk themselves. They might seem like they care , but really they rarely do. Especially people you've just met. They can't wait for you to shut up so they can start talking.
However the problem with this is that like yourself , some aren't all that good at it. They really want to , but they just don't know how.So you have to help them.
The other 5% is family and close friends. Maybe your girlfriend.


Anyway , I've recently been told by a girl that I'm her favorite conversation partner and that she loves the way I tell stories and the time she gets to spend with me.However I rarely do the talking myself when I'm with her. She does about 85% of it. How ? I simply encourage her to talk. Small things like:
"-You seriously did that ? well I already judged you , may as well tell me the rest of the story."
"-You've been to Egipt ? I always wanted to have sex on top of a pyramid. What did you do ?"
Don't just settle for "tell me more". Don't get me wrong , "tell me more" is exponentially better than most people do and it does encourage others to talk ,but why just encourage them to talk when you can do that AND add value both yourself and to the conversation with a witty comment.

But more importantly actually learn to listen. Instead of focusing your mind on what you're about to say , try focusing on what you're actually being told , and then reply.



Quote:
I am new here, and your problem is very commen I think.
I think the best you can do is learning some routines. And as Metal_Stuff mentioned, ask her opion about everything.

When you run out of the above, you can always ask the more boring/commen questions:
- What are you hobby's?
- Where do you come from?
- Do you like the music here?
- Do you study?

These are common questions anyone would ask. Be a little bit more creative , never play it too safe.Granted , saying that is slightly better than an awkward silence , but only slightly.

So yeah , try to ask questions that will peak a persons' curiosity and actually get them to think. Here's one example:

-So if you had enough money , how / where would you spend your ideal birthday / vacation ?

Question like that gets them thinking.Happy thoughts. You want those. The conversation springs into endless possibilites. If they give generic answers like "Hawaii" you can tease with " Really ? Wow , you're so creative.". If they give actual creative answers , even better , go with it.

Also avoid talking about school , work , music , politics and religion. Also family. If she has a sh!t famility talking about it would just put her in a bad mood , and if she has an awesome family it's still a boring subject because she probably talked about it to the other 100 guys that asked her before you.
I found this out the hard way mind you , when a girl bursted into tears because her sister had just recently committed suicide. Yeah , good luck progressing anywhere from that.



I'm just now realising that you were not reffering to females in particular but to strangers and groups as a whole. Well , some of these principles still apply , specially encouraging others to talk.

Also , never ever ever EVER do this again.
Quote:
I just go home (because Im hungry,sleepy.. yes lie in this, i wont tell people that Im going home because I can not be as social as I wish to be).
I feel for you OP , I used to be the same. If you need more clarifications or anything , please say so.
Author:  Epic_1 [ Wed Apr 09, 2014 5:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
Hi,

Some advice I got was to choose 10 topics that you think would interest both you and a girl, and then (you, by yourself) should be able to talk for 15 minutes straight about any 1 of those 10 topics.

The advice giver said that in reality this would never happen (you talking for 15 minutes straight without the girl saying anything). But, his point was that solo you have 2.5 hours of things to talk about (10 topics x 15 minutes = 150 minutes of stuff to talk about. 150 minutes = 2.5 hours). So, 2-way (you and the girl), you should have roughly way more than 150 minutes/2.5 hours worth of stuff to talk about because she'll be interjecting and hopefully, if you want, carrying the conversation.

Just make sure you choose 10 topics that you think both of you would find interesting (or else 1 of you won't have your heart in the convo, get bored, and exit).

I hope this helps.
Author:  rossm [ Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I have this problem for my whole life.. please help
Hey man, I'm sort of shy so I suck at meeting people so I don't have amazing game or anything, but maintaining people's interest as mentioned above is really easy. Everyone is interested in themselves and will think you are a really interesting person if you get them to talk about the things they actually care about. The ultimate book on this was not written by a pickup artist but by Dale Carnegie: "How to win friends and influence people". If you apply it it will change your life, and its helpful with women too.
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