PUA Forum :: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?

In my experience, it's better to let her carry on texting these guys, she will get bored when the conversation fizzles out and realise she made the right choice to leave them and be with you. Be fair to her, she is not initiating conversation, she is just reacting to them.

Any attempt to control her behaviour will end in tears. You are being unreasonable. Male friends of hers or complete strangers are bigger threats to you than beta exes. Are gonna stop her talking to all guys? Act unaffected. These douches will dig their own graves. Acting annoyed about it will only make them seem more powerful and attractive in her eyes.

Ignore this, it's a non-issue.

She likes texting these guys. You say that you don't want to date an attention seeking girl but obviously she is. She doesn't respect your relationship. You can set a boundary but that's how she is. Haven't you been with this gilr for almost 2 years or something?The underlying problem is she doesn't respect it. If she doesn't respond to these guys over the phone it won't matter because in person when a guy flirts with her she still wont say she has a bf. It's up to you if this stresses you out enough to walk away.

but to text back exes who stalk you or guys who you don't have an actual friendship with without just saying I have a boyfriend is a bit disrespectful to me and I don't want to date attention seeking girl. If you are this type than it may not be a good match between us"

You need to dump her and work on yourself man.

You have asked so many silly things about what should and shouldn't be acceptable in a relationship. You have some serious insecurities, especially if you keep asking about this same chick. Every few days there's something new.

Maybe it's her, maybe it's you. Just end it and don't put yourself through this shit.

Thanks afc. We did have a convo recently about childishness that we both have had and then i had these two with her. I hope these will be enough to dissuade jealousy tactics and texting others in any inappropriate way. The sex denial was me not her.

I was very honest about this issue right? I was honest about the childishness we both had too. I saw the sex denial on her part was a reflection on a short bout of sexual neediness on my part and chose not to talk about it but to flip the script in a subtle way. It reignited the sex big time.

She knows now that i wouldnt stand for it if the sexual boundary via text was crossed. Ive never taken her crap before. Keep in mind that ive been extremely confident, decisive, ect with this girl and most if not all of the insecurities ive had have stayed on this board. She worries about how i view her alot and has in the past descibed me as being a guy a ton of chicks want

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
texting people of the opposite sex who aren't really friends is something we didn't discuss boundaries clear enough before? aka "I trust you 100%, but to text back exes who stalk you or guys who you don't have an actual friendship with without just saying I have a boyfriend is a bit disrespectful to me and I don't want to date attention seeking girl. If you are this type than it may not be a good match between us" i've played the indifferent card for a long time but she keeps responding to a dude who sent her a nude pic before (she didn't send one in return and he begged to be friends after that) and hasn't said I have a boyfriend she also has an ex who stalks her who she has told she has a boyfriend before, but she will respond to "merry christmas" ect and have boring convos with him which encourages him also 2 dudes who are friends of her best friend's boyfriend. they have hung out in a group a long time ago. one she used to walk her dog with who wanted more than friends but she chose to date me. The other she has never hung out with alone but texts her funny pictures late at night. they are referred to as "this kid ____" and not my friend _____. I was firm in this conversation but assured her that I trust her when she asked me, it is just a respect thing. Why not just say "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend." She offered to show me the text and I said no and pushed her phone to her, saying I trust you 100% she agreed with what I said and said she would feel the same way with the nude pic guy and the ex boyfriend, but she has told the ex many times she did and he persisted. also she says that she gets where I am coming from with the late night text from the other guy but "I guess he is a friend".........she agreed to all this and it was a conversation, not me telling her what to do. She said that I texted girls who aren't really friends sometimes or found them on facebook, and I am glad we had this talk.

Author:	Hunter_Foxe [ Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
In my experience, it's better to let her carry on texting these guys, she will get bored when the conversation fizzles out and realise she made the right choice to leave them and be with you. Be fair to her, she is not initiating conversation, she is just reacting to them. Any attempt to control her behaviour will end in tears. You are being unreasonable. Male friends of hers or complete strangers are bigger threats to you than beta exes. Are gonna stop her talking to all guys? Act unaffected. These douches will dig their own graves. Acting annoyed about it will only make them seem more powerful and attractive in her eyes. Ignore this, it's a non-issue.

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Quote: In my experience, it's better to let her carry on texting these guys, she will get bored when the conversation fizzles out and realise she made the right choice to leave them and be with you. Be fair to her, she is not initiating conversation, she is just reacting to them. Any attempt to control her behaviour will end in tears. You are being unreasonable. Male friends of hers or complete strangers are bigger threats to you than beta exes. Are gonna stop her talking to all guys? Act unaffected. These douches will dig their own graves. Acting annoyed about it will only make them seem more powerful and attractive in her eyes. Ignore this, it's a non-issue. The thing is, the guy with the nude pic she met in college class in a group and this was in the summer of last year. He was a total stranger. And the two guys that are friends of her best friend's boyfriend, I believe she initiates at times. Did I dig my grave here? I had that convo with her, but she agreed that she would feel the same way.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:16 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Hasn't it already been established that your gf likes attention from guys? Not saying she is right but you've known this for a while.

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
I don't know how to set proper boundaries here. I didn't want to come off as insecure. She agreed but I don't want resentment. I feel she was pushing my boundaries but I took it a bit far with the no texting guys/girls who aren't friends thing?

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Author:	Hunter_Foxe [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:16 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Messaging is not cheating. My advice is, anything which is not sexual is ok. So if she starts sending sexy photos back or arranging to meet these guys then yes, it's a problem. Until then you need to bite your lip and ignore it. Banning her from talking to new people is really extreme. I would've dumped your ass months ago if I was a girl. You're a control freak.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
She likes texting these guys. You say that you don't want to date an attention seeking girl but obviously she is. She doesn't respect your relationship. You can set a boundary but that's how she is. Haven't you been with this gilr for almost 2 years or something?The underlying problem is she doesn't respect it. If she doesn't respond to these guys over the phone it won't matter because in person when a guy flirts with her she still wont say she has a bf. It's up to you if this stresses you out enough to walk away.

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:26 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Quote: She likes texting these guys. You say that you don't want to date an attention seeking girl but obviously she is. She doesn't respect your relationship. You can set a boundary but that's how she is. Haven't you been with this gilr for almost 2 years or something?The underlying problem is she doesn't respect it. If she doesn't respond to these guys over the phone it won't matter because in person when a guy flirts with her she still wont say she has a bf. It's up to you if this stresses you out enough to walk away. So what you think is that she doesn't respect it, but I can't set such an extreme boundary? Aka I am screwed? That is just the way she is huh Am I best off saying that what I meant was that we can have semi guy/girl friends, as long as it is nothing sexual and she stepped on that boundary, so that is why it was brought up?

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:44 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Quote: but to text back exes who stalk you or guys who you don't have an actual friendship with without just saying I have a boyfriend is a bit disrespectful to me and I don't want to date attention seeking girl. If you are this type than it may not be a good match between us" These were your words. Lol, Lionheart it's obvious your boundaries aren't real so why would you give one when you're not ready to back it up? From your other threads I can tell that whatever this girl does, you're not going anywhere. Now I'm not saying to dump her, but these were your words. I like to keep things simple. Why is she texting them back and not saying she has a bf? Well, youve said before she likes attention, and if she's not saying she has a bf, either she is cheating or planning to cheat, or she just likes the attention and it's harmless. So either you're dating a cheater or an attention whore. Now, YOUR words were that you don't want to date someone like that (even though you have been for almost 2 years) but you're not going anywhere regardless. If it were me, I'd expect my girl to have male friends, but if a guy is interested in her or sending dick pics I'd expect her to stop. That's me personally, because it's disrespectful to me, and I don't like girls who use guys for attention and lead them on. I wouldn't set a boundary; I'd just get turned off from her and the rs would die. A relationship is not supposed to be this "change the other person to my way of thinking." Some people are going to be on the same page as you, some aren't. Only you know how much you can handle something.

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
OK. So I think I cleared this up. I went with what Hunter Foxe said. Basicly I had a short convo with her that basically said that she had crossed a boundary of mine when she didn't cut it off with the guy who sent her a dick pic. That my only boundary for interaction with guys/girls is something that is sexual, for example pics sent or romantic shit. She said that she was comfortable with where our other conversation left off before but thinks IMPLIED stuff sent to me from girls also counts as crossing her boundary. Also I mentioned how obviously I want to have female friends but we can judge if ever they got frisky and deal with it accordingly and decisively and vice versa (she brought this up) We agreed that we didn't want to make rules or anything. I told her I trust her and just use trust, she agreed. I told her that recently a chick had sent me something implied sexually and I told said person I had a girlfriend, and she was uneasy about that wondering if I had provoked it, and I told her it was dealt with and just to relax. We left off on a good note tho. Hopefully this is settled, and yes I want to date her Neo. I believe her texting was harmless, and she is always saying how her stomach is in knots and she can't sleep after talking about stuff like this with me.

Author:	GamesSN [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
You need to dump her and work on yourself man. You have asked so many silly things about what should and shouldn't be acceptable in a relationship. You have some serious insecurities, especially if you keep asking about this same chick. Every few days there's something new. Maybe it's her, maybe it's you. Just end it and don't put yourself through this shit.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 4:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Quote: You need to dump her and work on yourself man. You have asked so many silly things about what should and shouldn't be acceptable in a relationship. You have some serious insecurities, especially if you keep asking about this same chick. Every few days there's something new. Maybe it's her, maybe it's you. Just end it and don't put yourself through this shit. I agree here. You obviously have things that bother you in this relationship but you're too afraid to anger or lose this girl. I went back into the recent thread to see if there was any point I missed, only to see that you just deleted the information there. If you want advice, ask for it. But dont go hiding information or deleting it because it only hurts you. This forum should be a place where you can open up and be honest. If you feel that you shouldnt be honest abt your rs, that's a sign it's not good in the first place.

Author:	AFCToTheMax [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Dude, I've read a lot of your posts about this relationship and there is a basic issue you both have: - you both act immature at times. You play games as well as she does. When things don't go your or her way you guys shut down and don't talk to each other, act quiet get distant, deny sex, trying to make each other jealous (she is texting guys right ?). You also seem a bit insecure about a lot of things. The biggest problem is that you are afraid to lose her which prevents you to be honest with her. My advice would be to sit down and have a conversation where you tell her exactly how you feel. About everything. Just as you explained to us in the forum about different topics. If you don't do this soon, things can get pretty ugly between you two.

Author:	Lionheart9999 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Thanks afc. We did have a convo recently about childishness that we both have had and then i had these two with her. I hope these will be enough to dissuade jealousy tactics and texting others in any inappropriate way. The sex denial was me not her. I was very honest about this issue right? I was honest about the childishness we both had too. I saw the sex denial on her part was a reflection on a short bout of sexual neediness on my part and chose not to talk about it but to flip the script in a subtle way. It reignited the sex big time. She knows now that i wouldnt stand for it if the sexual boundary via text was crossed. Ive never taken her crap before. Keep in mind that ive been extremely confident, decisive, ect with this girl and most if not all of the insecurities ive had have stayed on this board. She worries about how i view her alot and has in the past descibed me as being a guy a ton of chicks want Are you just saying that if we dont communicate in a positive way like we have been recently then it can cause misunderstandings and disrespectful actions or even spiteful ones? I realize games have to stop on both ends or the can be hurtful

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Author:	neo87 [ Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is this a reasonable thing to tell your girlfriend?
Quote: Thanks afc. We did have a convo recently about childishness that we both have had and then i had these two with her. I hope these will be enough to dissuade jealousy tactics and texting others in any inappropriate way. The sex denial was me not her. I was very honest about this issue right? I was honest about the childishness we both had too. I saw the sex denial on her part was a reflection on a short bout of sexual neediness on my part and chose not to talk about it but to flip the script in a subtle way. It reignited the sex big time. She knows now that i wouldnt stand for it if the sexual boundary via text was crossed. Ive never taken her crap before. Keep in mind that ive been extremely confident, decisive, ect with this girl and most if not all of the insecurities ive had have stayed on this board. She worries about how i view her alot and has in the past descibed me as being a guy a ton of chicks want Why did you delete what you wrote before?