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This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
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Author:  Johndigwood120 [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:32 am ]
Post subject:  This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
-Met HB8.5, number closed
-Invited her to party, k-closed
-Had a date with her today

So here's the thing, the date went well and all, it liked her and she liked me. At the end of the date i asked her to "rate" the date from 1-10. She gave it a 8.5, pretty good id say. (I gave it a 8.4 8) )

Now here's the thing, she is friends with one of my friends and we ran into him. Then the next thing happens, they give each other 2 kisses on the cheek and 1 on the mouth.

After that i asked her what that was

Me: "So what kind of girl are you, you meet/date with me and then you kiss another guy on his mouth?"

Her: "Yeah me and him always do that, didn't you notice that at your party? "

Me: "No"

Her: "Its normal for us to do that, we always do it. I do it with almost all my friends Don't be jealous!"

Me: "I just think its "special", i am not the kind of guy that wants something like that in a girl, so i'm sorry this isn't going to work out that way then. We can still be friends"

I dropped the "we can still be friends" line because she is kind of part of our "Friend group" so yeah.

Then she went home and she talked to me on text, this conversation took place

Her: Hey
Me: Hey
Her: Thanks for the fun night! xx
Me: Yes it was fun indeed, to bad it ended in the way it did but too bad.
Her: Haha well.. your choice...
Her: But its no big deal, i kind of feel bummed out about it but whatever. Ill see you soon i guess x
Me: Yes, too bad. But this isn't something that i accept when i am seeing a girl, but no problem.
Her: Yes well thats your choice, there's always room to talk you know haha
Me: I am someone that knows what he wants and that is something that i dont want so i am sorry but there's no room for talking there
Her: Haha ok
Her: I am who i am. Have a fun evening and good night ;)
Me: Goodnight

--

I kind of feel bummed out about this because the date itself went really well up until that point. But that she kisses other boys on the mouth is just something that i am not going to put up with.

Did i handle this situation correctly? Could i have done something different? Please let me know i am trying to improve myself.

Also; i am thinking of stepping to that friend of mine and telling him what he did was disrespectful towards me as a friend. Even if its a normal thing for them to do something like that, he shouldn't have done it out of respect towards me. Because she was with me. Agreed?


Also what is your opinion on the following: I pretend like i am fine with it (her kissing other boys) till the point where i fuck her, then after i fucked her i tell her that "i do that with all my friends" and "its normal" . ? :)



Thanks in advance for the advice guys, appreciate it.


Edit: just noticed she forgot her scarf at my place and its still here
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
That would likely bother me too - I'm not really sure to what extent.... But regardless, she seemed to be sincere about that being just the way she is...

Just like that's the way you are with your opinion that her actions were unacceptable to you.

Maybe she's just not for you?

She sure seems like she'd be down to see you again, based on her tone. I guess you need to decide how much it bothers you and if you can live with it.
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
I think it made you look needy and jealous , she seemed to really like you

if you can't handle it it might have been the right thing to do


I think it's quite premature because you weren't going out yet but hey you have the right to whatever boundaries you are comfortable with

I'm very tactile and touchy with people so I've never been the jealous type since a jealous gf would likely drive me crazy - that means maybe I am biased
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Quote:
Her: Hey
Me: Hey
Her: Thanks for the fun night! xx
Me: Yes it was fun indeed, to bad it ended in the way it did but too bad.
Her: Haha well.. your choice...
Her: But its no big deal, i kind of feel bummed out about it but whatever. Ill see you soon i guess x
she is asking you to listen to her
Quote:
Me: Yes, too bad. But this isn't something that i accept when i am seeing a girl, but no problem.
Her: Yes well thats your choice, there's always room to talk you know haha
now she's making it explicit
Quote:
Me: I am someone that knows what he wants and that is something that i dont want so i am sorry but there's no room for talking there
I don't know why you'd say this if you like the girl
are you a poor communicator?
I accept asserting your boundaries but if you ever go into a relationship with that headstrong attitude and don't listen to the girl when she needs heard you will have big problems - she will never feel like you love her

You can have your boundaries and preferences but still listen to what another person has to say
Quote:
Her: Haha ok
she's bummed
Quote:
Her: I am who i am. Have a fun evening and good night ;)
Me: Goodnight
saddest story of the night
Author:  Johndigwood120 [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Quote:
Quote:
Her: Hey
Me: Hey
Her: Thanks for the fun night! xx
Me: Yes it was fun indeed, to bad it ended in the way it did but too bad.
Her: Haha well.. your choice...
Her: But its no big deal, i kind of feel bummed out about it but whatever. Ill see you soon i guess x
she is asking you to listen to her
Quote:
Me: Yes, too bad. But this isn't something that i accept when i am seeing a girl, but no problem.
Her: Yes well thats your choice, there's always room to talk you know haha
now she's making it explicit
Quote:
Me: I am someone that knows what he wants and that is something that i dont want so i am sorry but there's no room for talking there
I don't know why you'd say this if you like the girl
are you a poor communicator?
I accept asserting your boundaries but if you ever go into a relationship with that headstrong attitude and don't listen to the girl when she needs heard you will have big problems - she will never feel like you love her

You can have your boundaries and preferences but still listen to what another person has to say
Quote:
Her: Haha ok
she's bummed
Quote:
Her: I am who i am. Have a fun evening and good night ;)
Me: Goodnight
saddest story of the night

After reading your posts i think you might be right, i was just shocked at that moment and that was the way i felt and how i handled it.

I am still not sure what to do, i mean i don't like it but its not like it bothers me to the point where i wouldn't fuck her or whatever.

So what would you say/do to kind of "fix" this thing?
Author:  GamesSN [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
I'm with the "needy and jealous" comment here.

At times you were a solid shoe in for flipping it on her and letting her come back to you but you just went on too long about it and seemed a bit bitchy about it.

You shouldn't have let it bother you though unless you wanted a relationship with this chick. If it's FWB then fuck it! Who cares? If it's a chick you could see yourself dating on the regular then yeah, it wouldn't be acceptable so kudos for sticking to your guns but you should have come across as if you really didn't care once she stepped over your boundaries. You didn't even need to explain why she annoyed you or what bothered you. All you had to say was "Hey, I don't think it's going to work out." Then leave it at that and don't be an ass. If she asked why then you say you don't like that kind of thing.
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Quote:

So what would you say/do to kind of "fix" this thing?
The only thing I can think of is text her tomorrow saying "it sounded like you had something more to say to me the other day, I'm ready to hear it now."

if she says "what do you mean?"

then say "well you said we can always talk, which made me think you wanted to tell me what was on your mind. I cut you off because I wasn't ready to hear it yet, but I am now so go ahead."
Author:  neo87 [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 3:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Yeah, you're being way too serious here. Not like she romantically kissed another guy; it was obvious it was a friend thing. Coper's advice could work, but just know that you're in a situation now where the only way you CAN respond would be to "let her talk" but if she's over you by tomorrow you lose a little dignity.

I mean, you met her, invited her to a party and kissed her. No offense, but how special did kissing was to her? That's like meeting a girl at a party fucking her in a bathroom, then getting mad she had a ONS. You kissed her on first night out at a party. Kissing is special to you?!

She may like you enough to stop doing it while she's seeing you. Sounds like she was trying to get a second chance.
Author:  Xoved [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
One thing I am sure about is that you went TOO far with the issue and carried it on her the whole time. Don't do that man. You could've just mentioned it once instead of mentioning it over and over again. She literally got the point of what you're saying.

Anyways she still seems interested for some reason. I'd say go for friends with benefits with this girl until you get a girlfriend. You never know, you might be able to change her if you REALLY want her.
Author:  Johndigwood120 [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 12:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Thanks for the advice guys, in hind sight i think i went too far indeed. I mean it was only our first date. Lesson learned.


Here's an update on how our conversation went this morning:

Me: It sounded like you had something more to say to me the other day, I'm ready to hear it now
She: What do you mean?
Me: Well you said we can always talk, which made me think you wanted to tell me what was on your mind. I cut you off because I wasn't ready to hear it yet, but I am now so go ahead
She: Haha ah lets just leave it! :)
She: We both have a different opinion on it and choices are made!
Me: Ok!

10 min later

She: Its all a bit weird haha
Me: What do you mean
She: That you form an opinion that quickly
Me: Thats why i said, i am open to hear your take on this
She: I am gonna text you later, i am in a rush now haha
Me: Sure


I think this is still fixable, any tips on how to act in this matter?
Author:  Johndigwood120 [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Guys i am stuck i don't know what to respond on this

Her: But why are you open for it now then? :p
Me: I have stuff where i am not comfortable with, yesterday that was the case. But i never experienced something like that before so i don't know how i should feel about it.
Me: And you said "we can always talk about it". I thought it was a bit extreme from myself to not listen to that, so thats why.
Her: Haha it really doesn't matter!
Her: If it doesn't feel right then it doesn't feel right. I can understand it ofcourse. And if you make your decision immediately based on that, who am i to go against that! :)
Me: I am not used to it, i put more value on kissing someone on the mouth, you perhaps a little less value, but thats fine. You should stay yourself always
Her: Hmm yea maybe!
Her: Fine then right?

I want to "fix" this and turn her into a FWB perhaps. But it seems like she is kind of "done" with the whole thing. I am not sure, kind of confused.
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 1:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Quote:
Guys i am stuck i don't know what to respond on this

Her: But why are you open for it now then? :p
Me: I have stuff where i am not comfortable with, yesterday that was the case. But i never experienced something like that before so i don't know how i should feel about it.
Me: And you said "we can always talk about it". I thought it was a bit extreme from myself to not listen to that, so thats why.
Her: Haha it really doesn't matter!
Her: If it doesn't feel right then it doesn't feel right. I can understand it ofcourse. And if you make your decision immediately based on that, who am i to go against that! :)
Me: I am not used to it, i put more value on kissing someone on the mouth, you perhaps a little less value, but thats fine. You should stay yourself always
Her: Hmm yea maybe!
Her: Fine then right?

I want to "fix" this and turn her into a FWB perhaps. But it seems like she is kind of "done" with the whole thing. I am not sure, kind of confused.

Ok I'll SPAM you on how to listen to a woman

at this point I would just say, "look it's too early for all this, we've had two dates. Why don't we just go out and have a drink and a good time, see where it goes."

It sounds like this is better over the phone than by text
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
it sounds like she's not just worried about this she's thinking "if that's what he's like after 2 or 3 dates imagine what he'd be like as a boyfriend"

If you can show you can read her that can be very attractive as well.

You can say... "are you worried that..." and that is an invitation to expand

show you understand where she is coming from and be like well I mean we on' know each other that well yet and we had some fun, lets go out and see how we get on if it goes somewhere we can talk about boundaries, I'm really happy just datiing and get to know you

but be yourself, that's the sense of what to say don't do it robotically
Author:  fishnwomen [ Sun Jan 05, 2014 5:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
You backed yourself into a corner that you can't get out of.

Either you:

A. Back down and lose your frame, and she loses respect for you for backing down on an issue that was important to you. This is like girl repellent.

Or

B. Continue saying that she crossed your limits. In which case you can still be friends.

I recommend you stick with B, and simply wait it out a while. Don't ask for a formal date, make a strong move at a party or another social event. Pretend it's not a big deal to you if she brings it up.
Author:  GKS [ Sun Jan 05, 2014 9:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: This date ended in the weirdest way possible.... Wtf
Quote:
Me: Yes it was fun indeed, to bad it ended in the way it did but too bad.
Her: Haha well.. your choice...
You should have cut it short right there and not responding to her texts until the next time you invite her out. However, the ship has already sailed mate. The problem with PUA newbies is that they focus too much on themselves or what they should say/do next and don't really listen to the women, hence they usually miss all the cues/hints. And honestly, you overreacted there. Some people do greet that way, and if you suspect she was just making excuses, just stay calm and observe her next time she greets someone. But for fuck sakes, you guys are only on first date, not a goddamn relationship. She can see and make out with whoever she wants to, you haven't won her over yet nor fucked her.
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