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after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too needy
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Author:  mkivtt [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:12 pm ]
Post subject:  after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too needy
Hi! My scenario:

- 4 months ago: Met HB9 banker girl. Chat her up for 30 mins. Very flirty. Didn't ask for #. Left on business trip.
- 3 months ago: Stopped at bank after trip. Chat for 30 mins. Very flirty again. Asked her out but only got email. No response there.
- 4.5 wks ago: Stopped at bank, said hi but ignored her and did my business w someone else. She comes up on my way out, apologizes, says she went through rough times (breakup w boyfriend as it turns out), asks how I'm doing, asks to meet for drinks after work. We meet for ~40 m (she had a hard stop), good conversation.
- 4-2 wks ago: Don't have her #, so we email. I ask her out the first wk. She loves the idea, but doesn't respond to the date/time email and gets back after the weekend claiming more bad things happened and she was too busy. I ask her out again, and she flakes saying she can't meet at all during Ramadan (she's technically muslim).
- 2.5 wks ago: Give her my #. She texts me; we message. Very flirty, I tease her, she loves it. She texts again the 2nd day. Again very flirty. Some nice texts day 3, then I turn down the volume to stay scarce and we text every ~2-3 days (I initiate). Still very flirty/teasing; I can tell she likes it.
- 2 wks ago: I call. No answer, but later she texts she was busy w her brother who just returned from vacation (she'd told me that before so it checks out). I ignore it. She texts again the next morning, apologizing and asking if I'm upset with her.
- 1.5 wk ago: I call. No answer, but she calls back in 5m. Good chat; I deep dive and try to build an emotional connection to counter the flirty texts. She hangs up after ~8m saying her mom needed her (I heard her mom yelling, so it probably checks out again).
- 1 week ago: Still some texting, but it's a bit slower and I can feel the attraction fading on both sides.
- Last weekend: Ramadan finally ends. I text her Sat and suggest lunch this week. She accepts.
- Yesterday morning: I text the place and choice of Tue or Wed. She responds w she "meant to text me," "is probably on training all wk in another town" and "will confirm and txt once she's at work at 1PM" She doesn't but at 7PM do I get a weird text from a new # saying "this is my new # <her name>." No word about her schedule.

I'm a bit pissed as she must've known about the training Sat, and even moreso that she didn't send anything last night except for a supposed new #.

It's been 5 wks since we last met. We had great chemistry in person, and my text game up to 1 wk ago was awesome. But I feel it falling apart. Technically, she's flaked out 4x now (months ago, then 2x during Ramadan, and now). However she never ignores texts, and always apologized. Plus, she's gorgeous, and I absolutely love Indian girls which are very hard to come by, so I don't want to next her. However, we need to meet before all attraction's gone. So I need to do something. But how, without getting AFC needy/pushy?

Options:

A) Pretend nothing happened, text her today what her schedule's like (even though she said she'd get back to me). E.g. "Hi <name>, so what's your secretary say your calendar's like? Have her get with my secretary and let's do lunch or dinner :)"
B) Pretend nothing happened, call her tonight to talk instead of maybe getting another text that doesn't directly answer my request to meet. It'll be easier to see if she is lying or BSing me.
C) Don't call or text, see if she reaches out at all this wk. If not, text or call next wk as if nothing happened and if she flakes again just move on. More risk as time passes, but I "keep more value."

I'm confused by her... it's like she wants to, but then flakes out.

Thanks!
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too n
Hey man,

Attraction isn't faded by time or space it is faded by the actions you take. I have women I've spoken to on the phone 6 months ago that I never went out with that still contact me today. The only issue I see here is you've placed her in a bit of a higher esteem because she so much " your type". You don't strike me as the type of guy that has trouble getting with women. In fact, I'm sure women are throwing themselves at you all the time because of your financial status. However, you don't want that.

This woman strikes you as someone a bit "different". Someone with some actual values who you could see your self building something meaningful with. And that is awesome.. However, you can't treat her with the vision you've set out for her yet because she isn't even close to fulfilling that. For now.. she is just another women at the bank.. Repeat it to yourself until in sinks into your subconscious. She's just a woman.

Women are only going to do the things they know they can get away with. Its an intuitive chemical women have that men don't. If a woman can feel that there is a chance ( Even if its a 1% chance) you will stick around if she cheats on you, she is going to cheat. A woman looks for a rock, a foundation and there must be no doubts in her mine about you. And the only way to set this in place is to remove all "exceptions" from your book of rules. All women are the same until they show otherwise.

She only flaked because she could feel that she could possibly get away with it if she did.

Take your foot off the gas pedal, focus more on your work, and she'll come running.

Joey
Author:  mkivtt [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too n
Thank you Joey. So I should ignore her, see if she pings me, and if not just casually reach out next wk for another date? I guess I'm worried that 5 wks is too long to wait and she'll be snapped up or lose interest.

My judgment is affected because she's gorgeous and sweet (Indian girls... they lack all bitchiness & have good values), and I've started to feel her.

Oh, it's amazing, most of your analysis is spot on :) I am well off financially, and was smooth with her. However, I do have some issues with women. I was an AFC for a very long time and still need a lot of work.

Thanks again man.


Edit: Just got another text. It just says "hello?" Is this a sh!t test? I ask her out Sat, she says yes, then yesterday she says she probably can't make it, but she'll get back to me to confirm. She never does, just texts me a new cell # at night, to which I didn't respond, and "hello?" now. I'm happy at least I'm not being ignored, but it's not what I expected. It looks fishy. If I respond will it be too eager and fail the sh!t test? Or is it genuine and is she just disorganized/flaky and should I respond with e.g. "hey, it's my 2nd favorite banker. So what did your secretary say? :)" to try to set up the date again ? I'm confused.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too n
At this rate maybe you'll get to kiss her in 5 years.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: after 5wk hiatus: "attraction expiration" vs being too n
Quote:
Hey man,

Attraction isn't faded by time or space it is faded by the actions you take. I have women I've spoken to on the phone 6 months ago that I never went out with that still contact me today. The only issue I see here is you've placed her in a bit of a higher esteem because she so much " your type". You don't strike me as the type of guy that has trouble getting with women. In fact, I'm sure women are throwing themselves at you all the time because of your financial status. However, you don't want that.

This woman strikes you as someone a bit "different". Someone with some actual values who you could see your self building something meaningful with. And that is awesome.. However, you can't treat her with the vision you've set out for her yet because she isn't even close to fulfilling that. For now.. she is just another women at the bank.. Repeat it to yourself until in sinks into your subconscious. She's just a woman.

Women are only going to do the things they know they can get away with. Its an intuitive chemical women have that men don't. If a woman can feel that there is a chance ( Even if its a 1% chance) you will stick around if she cheats on you, she is going to cheat. A woman looks for a rock, a foundation and there must be no doubts in her mine about you. And the only way to set this in place is to remove all "exceptions" from your book of rules. All women are the same until they show otherwise.

She only flaked because she could feel that she could possibly get away with it if she did.

Take your foot off the gas pedal, focus more on your work, and she'll come running.

Joey
Def the most ignorant statement I've seen this week.
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