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Moving too fast?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=167223		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Terosu [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:27 am ]
Post subject:  Moving too fast?
I met a girl, talked and flirted a bit and we agreed to go out for a drink. We ended up spending about 3 hours getting to know eachother, went for a short walk and as I walked her home she asked if I'd come in for coffee. Sure. We had coffee and talked some more, agreed to do something again, and hugged and kissed in the end. It was a pretty long kiss I might add.

So the first date was good. She asked if we could see a couple days from our first date and that was fine by me. I suggested we go out for dinner and come back to my place to watch a movie. We did. After the movie we talked about it on my couch and eventually started kissing. I told her I wouldn't want to ruin anything by rushing things, and she agreed. Well, we changed our minds and ended up in bed. After that she told me about all the things she likes about me, and that she has a crush on me. I told her I feel the same way. She also said she had been cheated on by her last boyfriend, and that she had been cautious of men after that. I told her that I understand that.

I felt things had gone really well, we had great fun together, and that even though things were moving pretty fast, it wouldn't really be a problem because we seemed to be on the same page.

After the second date, we kept texting, and after a while I asked to see her again, she said she had some stuff that day, I asked how about the day after that, no again, and I asked her to suggest a date then. She said she'd be busy all week and couldn't say yet. I left it at that, a bit disappointed to run into this hard to get thing after a solid start. Later that day she said she feels things are going too fast and that she got a little spooked. I'm not sure what she meant specifically, the sex or her feelings. I told her that I understand that she wants to be cautious after being cheated on.

I feel like she is having doubts obviously, thinking maybe I'm just using her and regretting that she put out so soon, but what do I do? I like this girl and I want to see if we can take things further.
Author:  Playboi_ [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 2:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Damnnnn very deep after a second date. Came on too fast, even if she reciprocated. You could have kept that lingering there and held the upper hand. Dating should not be a game but there is always the teacher and the settler.
Author:  Terosu [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 11:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Today she told me more about how she feels. She feels insecure after being cheated on, thinks there must be something wrong with her because her ex was unfaithful, and that she doesn't really trust men right now. But also that she's really into me, which is what scares her. She agreed to see me again tomorrow. Any thoughts? How should I try to gain her trust?
Author:  Playboi_ [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Quote:
Today she told me more about how she feels. She feels insecure after being cheated on, thinks there must be something wrong with her because her ex was unfaithful, and that she doesn't really trust men right now. But also that she's really into me, which is what scares her. She agreed to see me again tomorrow. Any thoughts? How should I try to gain her trust?
Stop seeing her so often dude. Don't lose sight. If she asks what is going on just play that you don't know what she means? Tell her you know how she feels, and you understand as well how recently you just started hanging out and you will have your time together. Just breathe.
Author:  puaninja [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Women are going to have all these emotional conflicts that they feel like they have to sort through. It's sort of like LMR, even if they've already put out.

I know how it is. You are a guy and once you like a girl, especially if you've already fucked, you're like "Wohoo, let's keep doing this all the time baby!" But she doesn't see it that way at all. To her, she realizes that you are a potential boyfriend/husband and all she has to do is surrender herself to you and then she's locked in and committed. So her only real defense, the only control she has is to hold herself back.

You basically just have to wait this out with her and demonstrate patience. I had to wait a month to fuck my current gf eventhough I made it clear that I wanted to be with her and I knew she wanted to be with me. It's sort of like a hold on a check at the bank. So whatever you do don't pressure her. Just ride it out.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
You're getting attached too quickly dude...

Slow the fuck down.

You don't know shit about this girl and you are already losing you top, making multi paragraph post about her on the internet.Think about that for a second..


Don't let your emotion interfere with your thinking so much that you begin to think this girl is something she isn't. She's still in love with her ex boyfriend and its obvious; its the only reason she brought it up to you in the first place. You were a rebound! Girls always choose beta males for rebounds because they can drain the emotionally and get back on their feet.

Its only been one fuckin date! She's nothing to you yet. Relax.


Leave her a alone for a few days, and when she contacts you ignore her. Call her the day after that.
Author:  Aptitude [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
You have to keep being a challenge. If you're all over her too soon, attraction fades. I have noticed this myself while sarging.
Quote:
I told her I wouldn't want to ruin anything by rushing things, and she agreed.
This may seem like a contradiction to what I've just said above, but you should have kept escalating sexually. You're putting her on a pedestal. You don't want to take risks. It's better to be sexual first and then built a relationship than the other way around. The latter will have a higher chance of getting into friend zone.
Author:  Terosu [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Quote:
Women are going to have all these emotional conflicts that they feel like they have to sort through. It's sort of like LMR, even if they've already put out.

I know how it is. You are a guy and once you like a girl, especially if you've already fucked, you're like "Wohoo, let's keep doing this all the time baby!" But she doesn't see it that way at all. To her, she realizes that you are a potential boyfriend/husband and all she has to do is surrender herself to you and then she's locked in and committed. So her only real defense, the only control she has is to hold herself back.

You basically just have to wait this out with her and demonstrate patience. I had to wait a month to fuck my current gf eventhough I made it clear that I wanted to be with her and I knew she wanted to be with me. It's sort of like a hold on a check at the bank. So whatever you do don't pressure her. Just ride it out.
This seems to make the most sense to me. I know better than to pressure her into doing something she's not sure of. I saw her today and we had a good time, but she held back sexually even though I know she wanted to fuck. I wanted to too but I kept my cool.

I'm not losing my top or obsessing over her like she's the only girl in the world but regardless, she is a fun, smart girl and I want to keep going after a good start. It's been like 4 months since she broke up with her ex, shouldn't rebounds happen sooner? Also she said she did see some deadbeat for a while after the break-up, that sounded more like the rebound to me.
Author:  Terosu [ Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
So a little update on this situation.

I went over for coffee today on the way home from work, and we talked this and that at first, but then she said she didn't want to continue seeing me. She got pretty emotional and teary and told me about all the issues she's having dealing with what her last boyfriend did, her feeling insecure because of the cheating and not having gotten over that yet, I didn't really know what to do or say cause I didn't think I could have turned that stuff to my favor no matter what I did. So I didn't really say much. I asked if she'd still like to stay in touch, to which she said she doesn't know, and I told her there's no harm in it if she wants to. She said she won't mind if I send her a text and that I'm still welcome for coffee if I feel like it or something.

I tried not to come off as needy or anything, but I know she saw that I wasn't exactly happy with the news either. When I left her I gave her a hug and told her to keep my number "if...WHEN you change your mind" and gave her a cheeky smile. Just trying to save what little there's left to be saved, if any. She smiled back and said she'll keep the number. Doubt she'll get back in touch though. Just in case she does though, because on the other hand she seems to be a rollercoaster of emotions right now, how should I play it? Probably not be that quick to get back with her, at least. And wait for her to get in touch, if she wants to, and if she doesn't, just accept that?

Lesson learned; don't get too involved too soon even if the girl seems really into it. On the other hand, I'm not sure I could have saved this no matter what I did.
Author:  Playboi_ [ Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Moving too fast?
Women are irrational. They don't move on like we do. You should have had no immense reaction, go with the "you have my number when you change your mind." And bounce. Like a boss.
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