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Is this weird at all?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=165264		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  musclepua [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:58 am ]
Post subject:  Is this weird at all?
So I was at a barbecue with a bunch of my friends 3 months ago and at some point I talked with this one girl. It was a really short conversation that I can't remember, except that 75% of it was about her dog that she brought.

So yesterday, three months later, she friend request me on facebook, and I honestly didn't even know who she was at first. I decided to do a little digging and wrote "Hi, how's it going?" on her wall. The back and forth on the wall post was very short, and it basically established that she was who I thought she was.

Today, me and my friend were getting food and he mentions that he was hanging out with this girl and she asked him "why does your friend keep talking to me on facebook" and he said something like "well you added him as a friend and he didn't know who you were" and she went on to say that I was weird and she thought I was hitting on her, when it's pretty clear that I wasn't.

Is it weird to post on someone's wall after they friend request you? I don't understand how I did anything wrong in this situation.
Author:  Pickwick [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
There's no such thing as weird.

Socially unacceptable? Maybe.

Look, the whole Facebook deal shouldn't concern you. To be honest, most things shouldn't concern you. Many people will call you weird, many people won't understand you, and many people will think different things of you based on their experiences. You can't please everybody, and as long as you're pleasing yourself that's what counts. If you thought posting that comment was perfectly acceptable, then it is. I always defined confidence as doing what you desire despite outside pressures. This includes posting a comment you want to post despite what this girl thinks.

Was that comment "weird"? Perhaps. In my experience, it's more acceptable to message the person to ask whether you know them. Conversely, and this is my opinion, I think it's also "weird" to talk to strangers on Facebook. Why? I don't see a reason to. If you need something specific, for example to get information, then you have a reason. If your reason is to ask whether you know the person and then never talk to them again, then I don't see that as reasoning. If a girl requests you, fine. She requested you. If she wants to talk to you, she will message you.

She obviously could not have formed a strong opinion about you, which is why I think she mainly said that to your friend to keep their conversation going. People will often throw around strong opinions when they have nothing to talk about, whether they're true or not.
Author:  musclepua [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
What you say makes a lot of sense. Starting a conversation with her to figure out how I know her really isn't something that the entire world needs to see, and would be more appropriate to do over facebook chat.

I'm still trying to figure out how she thought that me asking a few questions like that was hitting on her. I guess some people just assume anybody that they don't know who talks to them on facebook is hitting on them.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
You did no wrong. She's just weird. Move on.
Author:  Pickwick [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
Quote:
What you say makes a lot of sense. Starting a conversation with her to figure out how I know her really isn't something that the entire world needs to see, and would be more appropriate to do over facebook chat.

I'm still trying to figure out how she thought that me asking a few questions like that was hitting on her. I guess some people just assume anybody that they don't know who talks to them on facebook is hitting on them.
It's pretty much accepted now that initiating any sort of contact is showing interest. One of the girls I used to see wrote her dissertation on the exact same topic- how women's politeness and initiative in social situations is typically confused for sexual or romantic interest. When I heard of the topic, first thing I thought was how much more typical it is for girls to make that fallacy about men.

It's just something we have to be aware of and live with, even though it's fucked up. Then again, life is often a fucked up thing.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
Quote:
Quote:
What you say makes a lot of sense. Starting a conversation with her to figure out how I know her really isn't something that the entire world needs to see, and would be more appropriate to do over facebook chat.

I'm still trying to figure out how she thought that me asking a few questions like that was hitting on her. I guess some people just assume anybody that they don't know who talks to them on facebook is hitting on them.
It's pretty much accepted now that initiating any sort of contact is showing interest. One of the girls I used to see wrote her dissertation on the exact same topic- how women's politeness and initiative in social situations is typically confused for sexual or romantic interest. When I heard of the topic, first thing I thought was how much more typical it is for girls to make that fallacy about men.

It's just something we have to be aware of and live with, even though it's fucked up. Then again, life is often a fucked up thing.
It makes sense evolutionary-wise to have more false positives (e.g., assuming somebody is interested in you) to increase the probability of reproductive success/mating opportunities.
Author:  Blackwall [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
Quote:
So I was at a barbecue with a bunch of my friends 3 months ago and at some point I talked with this one girl. It was a really short conversation that I can't remember, except that 75% of it was about her dog that she brought.
you didn't do anything wrong, she's just weird / up tight.

Let it go, don't continue talking with her and leave her be to go and get 'weirded out' by someone else

If it really bothered you you could PM her "hey spoke to Josh today - sorry if I gave you wrong idea earlier - was purely trying to figure out you were who I thought you were the other day, NOT making advances. hope all is good, take it easy"

Also is possible a guy / bf who was giving her hard time over it too - like who's this guy posting on your wall? and making her self-conscious. ( My phone once went off in my pocket and accidentlly rang a friend at 2am and her boyf was accusing her that guys are ringing her in the night and whats going on is she playing him etc. etc. -.- and she was convinced I was trying to chat her up - which actually couldnt be further from the truth, so judgement can change round insecure guys )
Author:  Pickwick [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
Quote:
If it really bothered you you could PM her "hey spoke to Josh today - sorry if I gave you wrong idea earlier - was purely trying to figure out you were who I thought you were the other day, NOT making advances. hope all is good, take it easy"
If you don't have any intent of seeing the girl, which I hope you don't, I don't see why you would do this. Just let it be and move on with your life.
Author:  musclepua [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Is this weird at all?
Quote:
Quote:
What you say makes a lot of sense. Starting a conversation with her to figure out how I know her really isn't something that the entire world needs to see, and would be more appropriate to do over facebook chat.

I'm still trying to figure out how she thought that me asking a few questions like that was hitting on her. I guess some people just assume anybody that they don't know who talks to them on facebook is hitting on them.
It's pretty much accepted now that initiating any sort of contact is showing interest. One of the girls I used to see wrote her dissertation on the exact same topic- how women's politeness and initiative in social situations is typically confused for sexual or romantic interest. When I heard of the topic, first thing I thought was how much more typical it is for girls to make that fallacy about men.

It's just something we have to be aware of and live with, even though it's fucked up. Then again, life is often a fucked up thing.
I'm glad you brought this fact to my attention. It's definitely something to keep my mind on as I interact with other people in my day to day life. What people think my intentions are is just as important as what my intentions really are. I'd actually be really interested to read that dissertation lol.
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