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What to do with a Girlfriend? (Relationship)
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Author:  hashtag04 [ Mon May 27, 2013 7:09 pm ]
Post subject:  What to do with a Girlfriend? (Relationship)
Because I've never had a girlfriend, I struggle to picture the relationship.

My lifestyle is simple. I study. I workout. I like to go for walks. I do community service and school clubs. That's about it.

A lot of the standard date ideas are borring to me (I don't like bowling, art galleries, I hate going to restaurants). Also, I don't want things to get expensive.

So now that I'm writing this, I guess I realize that I'm (A) trying to make my life more exciting, (B) trying to picture what a relationship could be.

I know these are stupid questions. Thanks for any comments.
Author:  Optimacy [ Mon May 27, 2013 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What to do with a Girlfriend? (Relationship)
Quote:
Because I've never had a girlfriend, I struggle to picture the relationship.

My lifestyle is simple. I study. I workout. I like to go for walks. I do community service and school clubs. That's about it.

A lot of the standard date ideas are borring to me (I don't like bowling, art galleries, I hate going to restaurants). Also, I don't want things to get expensive.

So now that I'm writing this, I guess I realize that I'm (A) trying to make my life more exciting, (B) trying to picture what a relationship could be.

I know these are stupid questions. Thanks for any comments.
Your questions aren't stupid.

If you don't have experience with something, then you can't expect to be an expert.

For example...how good would you be at playing the piano if you didn't take lessons or practice?

This is why forums like this exist (and I even do this professionally for Optimacy).

Unfortunately, there isn't one specific answer I can give you for your questions.

I can share a few things based on what you posted:
  • 1. Don't stress over getting a girlfriend. The more you stress about it...the more nervous you will get...and the more you will act in a way that is contrived or anxious. Before worrying about specific "game" tactics, just focus on being yourself around the opposite sex...just like you do with your guy friends. Once you get more comfortable with the opposite sex in non-date situations, then you can graduate to more advanced skills in dating, flirting, and sex.

    2. You're on the right track with avoiding the stereotypical dating ideas. This is a definite "no-no" and I'm going to do a special post just on this subject to explain exactly why. Suffice-to-say, your best bet is to structure non-date dates. What I mean is...you can have a "date" over the phone, via text, or instantly wherever you are. There are no rules to what constitutes a "date". Traditional dates are ok for certain situations and people, but those who are new to dating should avoid them like the plague. Instead...make a date out of the hobbies/activities where you are already comfortable (i.e. go to the gym together, invite them to join you at community service, go get some gelato immediately after a school club function).

    3. You mentioned "picturing" a relationship. Don't do that! Most people will "picture" an ideal and perfect scenario when daydreaming. This puts unrealistic expectations and pressure on you...especially for your first girlfriend. Just go with the flow and EXPECT it not to be perfect. Instead...just expect it to be a learning experience.

    4. Have fun! You will obviously have anxieties and a learning curve, but don't let those things sabotage you and get you jaded. Keep dating in proper perspective and try to always have fun.
Good Luck!
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