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Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happened?
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Author:  Gymrat [ Sat May 11, 2013 10:09 am ]
Post subject:  Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happened?
hi folks!

a friend of mine drew my attention to a girl that is my type on an online dating website were the three of us are registered. he chatted with her in the past but they never met because he got together with someone else, she defiitely doesnt know that we know each other and probably wouldnt een remember my buddy. all he could remember was that she said that she is a work-a-holic and thats the reason she is single since 2yrs, she sort of uses work to try to avoid dating guys because she was burnt in the past, thats what she said.

so i chat with her. many compliments back and forth. we exchange numbers and chat over SPAM. she starts sending me good night texts with pictures of her (nothing too naughty). this happens in the first week, cant meet her because she is heading into her holidays in spain. so whilst she is in spain we continue texting every three days, she makes me very strong compliments etc. thursday two weeks ago was the last time i texted. so for the next 6 days all of a sudden she goes dead and doesnt initiate any conversation. so i get in touch again and ask her what she is up to and she says she just landed back in town. so i ask her when she has time for a drink and she responds by saying she will get in touch friday (yesterday) which she didnt. checking back i also noticed that since the day i texted her last before she went dead thursday two weeks ago, she also never went online again on her dating profile. since that day. fell in love in spain? decided she doesnt want to date currently?

anyway, definitely wont get in touch again. but here is my question:

if she gets back in touch again i know i am supposed to act like i couldnt even remember and its no problem etc. but here is my problem: i hate flakey behaviour and personalitywise really want to bring across that flakey behaviour wont be rewarded and that i am not a push over that will accept any type of behaviour. so how do i resolve this? act like its no problem whilst taking very long time till i text back...or do i adress it in a different way? i just dont want to give her the feeling that i will stick around with her when shes acting hot-cold-hot...

suggestions appreciated,, 8)
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Sat May 11, 2013 12:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
She stopped contacting you because she is fucking someone she met. That is why she is not online.

If she contacts you again,....or gets back online,....it's because she is no longer fucking him.
Author:  Gymrat [ Sat May 11, 2013 12:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
the point is: the only person she could have met is someone in spain..and since she isnt there anymore she isnt being banged :-p maybe she fell in love long distance?

anyway: the actual question was, how do i react when she contacts me again, on the one hand appearing "dont give a shit that i havent heard of you" bt at the same time bringing it across that hot-cold-hot will not do it for me..?...
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Sat May 11, 2013 2:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
Quote:
"dont give a shit that i havent heard of you" bt at the same time bringing it across that hot-cold-hot will not do it for me..?...
Yes, this is how.
Author:  Gymrat [ Sat May 11, 2013 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
yes but how exactly? acting like i didnt even remember she didnt get in touch and letting her know that i dont like that type of behaviour is a contradiction..thats the problem, so how is that resolved?
Author:  AFCToTheMax [ Sat May 11, 2013 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
The question here is not how to act or whatever. The question is do you really want a girl like this ? From your post it seems like you don't. So why chase her?

She seems to be a busy girl with work or whatever and even if you start dating don't think that this will change.

You want her too much and it's clear that there are no other girls to fall back on, which is a problem.

My advice is to find more girls which actually make some effort to meet you instead of stressing over this one.
Author:  Gymrat [ Sat May 11, 2013 5:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
chase her? i wasnt chasing her and have no intention of doing so. i raised the question on how to react when she or any girl in general flakes and then gets in touch again (her initiative). in that case obviously you dont want to give her the feeling that you bothered about her not getting in touch, at the same time you do want to communicate: dont do that shit again/dont want to come over as a pushover who will say yes even if she "misbehaves"- so how is this resolved?
Author:  Mak [ Sat May 11, 2013 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
Someone else is deep inside. She chose them over you. Your still thinking of what your gonna do IF she decides to contact you again ?

move on son.
Author:  Gymrat [ Sat May 11, 2013 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
dudes- the recommendation not to worry about her leads to nowhere as i have zero intention of getting in touch again. my question concerns the question what to do if she or any other girl who behaved the same way gets in touch again..

i am asking a general question concerning a general situation, so far no one has been able to answer it...
Author:  Wizzay [ Sat May 11, 2013 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
Its a difficult situation. I would go with something like " Oh you're still alive? " , then she'll know you didn't like it that she didn't contact you ,and you still dont come over as pushy or needy, and itll look like you forgot about her which is exactly what you want to portray
Author:  Gymrat [ Sun May 12, 2013 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
the problem with "oh your alive?" is that it clearly reflects the awareness that she didnt get in touch.. i was thinking possibly it would be better not even to mention the fact that she flaked like it never happened, but to be very slow in responding..dont know whether that will work though with someone you even havent met yet and not much has been invested..

other suggestions welcome 8)
Author:  SE23 [ Sun May 12, 2013 12:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
She's a flake, forget about her.
Seriously don't get worked up on flakes, not worth your time.
Author:  Gymrat [ Sun May 12, 2013 3:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
forgetting her = you havent read my post, this is a general question initiated my a recent event

what you are suggesting equates to shunning out every girl that flaked once with no chance of redemption after she reinitiates contact. seems a bit extreme ;)
Author:  Wizzay [ Sun May 12, 2013 3:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
Your trying to show her you dont accept her flaking without her awareness on the subject? Its a little bit of impossible task, nothing wrong with showing you don't like to be stood up, who does?
Author:  Gymrat [ Sun May 12, 2013 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl pulls out surprisingly all of a sudden - what happe
yep thats the point! in reality its impossible. in reality there are three options:

1) ignore the flake and act like nothing happened, at the expense that she might think she can do whatever she wants and you will suck up to her

2) confront her in someway, at the expense that she will have the feeling that you are invested a bit

3) sending a mixed message with the possible negative side effect of 1 and 2
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